Post # 1
I’m looking for some advice on the best way to honor our deceased relatives at our wedding. FI’s father passed away a few months ago, and it’s still pretty raw, and we will certainly feel his absence at our wedding. FI doesn’t want pictures or anything too overt. Initially he did not want to do anything (outside of the pictures of us with friends and family that will be displayed around the venue), but FSIL said she would love to see a candle with a note about honoring our loved ones who couldn’t be with us.
FI agreed to that idea, so I was thinking of displaying a large, pretty candle in a large mason jar (since we can’t have open, uncontained flames) with a printed poem or some words to the effect of “This candle burns in honor of those who could not be present with us today…”
Our initial idea was to have one candle for all of our deceased relatives. But the more I think about it, I just feel like maybe his dad deserves something special just for him since this is all so recent, and FI and his dad were so close.
Any ideas on how we can tastefully, meaningfully honor his dad and others we’ve lost? Or is one candle for everyone a good idea?
Post # 3
I know you said he doesn’t want photos…we thought about that as well, then we decided to use photos with maybe a candle…that idea morphed into using a wedding photo of each set of parents (both fathers are deceased)…that way we can show them during a happy time…just an idea we plan to use. Please give my condolences to your FH as I lost my dad over a year ago and it seems like yesterday. Good luck with your planning…
Post # 4
You could have the pastor/officiant say a few quick words while you give a single rose to the surviving member of whoever you are honoring (if your grandpa passed away, give the rose to your grandma..) I’m sure the pastor will have ideas of what to say to not be too sad, but to honor the person who haas passed
Post # 5
We added a line to the end of our ceremony programs that said:
Regretfully, some of our loved ones are no longer with us.
You are here in our hearts, now and forever.”
I know that that made DH’s godmother cry as her husband couldn’t attend due to his health problems. We also brought my wedding bouquet as well as some of the table flowers to my grandpa’s grave the day after the wedding. Originally I had planned to go there right after the ceremony to leave my bouquet with him, but grandma asked me to wait as she didn’t want me to cry on my wedding day. Perhaps you could do something similar if your FI’s dad rests somewhere close to where you’ll have the ceremony?
Post # 6
@licoricetea3: I’m of the opinion that weddings should not be memorial services.
Post # 7
@Zhabeego: I feel the same way. We’re going to put one chair out in dedication to my dad and that’s the extent of it. I’m not a fan of the “we know you would be here today if heaven weren’t so far away” sign that’s so popular on Pinterest or the big things in the program.
Post # 8
@licoricetea3: I think that the single candle is a great way to honor all those who could not make it. My friend did that (her mother passed away at the young age of 50 unexpectedly less than a year before the wedding). My grandmother will not be at put wedding day, so I’m going to include her favorite flower in my bouquet and centerpieces. I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago an they had a short poem and read all the deceased family members names who could not be there. It was a lot of people- the bride and groom are older and on wedding #2. It seemed like a mini-funeral and I wasn’t a fan of that personally. Hope that helps!
Post # 9
I know someone who had a bouquet of assorted flowers at the signing table and then it was brought to the recption and put on display. Each flower represented a deceased family member and the representation was on the back of the program. So it would say for example: Yellow Rose – John Smith. And they included a beautiful poem along with it. I thought it was a nice way to honour them without having it super overt.
Post # 10
@licoricetea3: I ordered a sign from Etsy that reads “In loving memory of those that forever live in our hearts-We miss you everyday”. It will be displayed on a remembrance table with flower petals, pictures of our grandparents and my aunt who passed away young. I will also have a locket picture of my grandma on my bouquet. During the ceremony, our officiant will say a little something about remembering those We will also have their names on the ceremony programs. No one will know /realize this, except my cousins and FI, but we’re going to have our DJ play Ave Maria after the cake cutting as a tribute to my maternal grandparents-my grandpa always, always said he’d dance with all his grand children to Ave Maria at our weddings and he won’t be there.
Post # 11
@MontfordsGirl: I am so sorry to hear about your loss and appreciate your response. I will definitely pass along your condolences.
Thank you all for the suggestions! Your comments have all been helpful and are appreciated!
Post # 12
@licoricetea3: I had a memory charm on my bouquet
If you wanted your could have a couple on your bouquet like this
you could make special seats like this
you could have a special memory table
possibly make a display of pictures like this
Somethnig like this….set up a lil station with something in honor of the loves one…..doesn’t have to be a cigar….it could be whatever you like
Post # 13
I lost my dad over five years ago ( which is absolutley insane to me) and I couldn’t think of not bringing him into the ceremony somehow. My dad was one of my best friends and the best guy you could ever meet. He deserves to be remembered on the happiest of my days. My FI and I are going to say our own vows, so I will be saying something about him in there. I also think the single candle or a flower on a chair is a nice reminder. :).
Post # 14
I made memory charms for my great grandma and my grandpa. They were a HUGE hit.
Post # 15
I lost my mom 10 years ago. It hurts planning a wedding and not having a mother there to help with all of the details. I know she is giving me advice from afar. We are choosing to have 2 seats on each side of the isle just for parents, my FI parents are both alive and well, so it would just be my dad with an empty chair. We decided that we will have someone carry my mother’s picture to the chair and have my father sit next to it, which I know it sounds odd but I want her there so bad it hurts. Its the only way I can think of.
I hope this helps. I am so sorry for your recent loss.