(Closed) How can everything go from so good to so awful in a heartbeat?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

…did you throw him out over this?  Or does he still have his own place?  I’m confused.

Post # 5
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Did he not discuss quitting his FT job with you before he did it?

Post # 6
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sorry, I have another question to add…

Did you kick him out today, on his first day at this new position, of which per a PP he had discussed taking with you beforehand?!

Post # 7
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LeenieBee:  You said:

We had talked about at least 3 months of full-time salaried job/part-time commission job until that point, but he has been miserable and overworked.  He did make almost $2500 in commission last week with the part-time job.

Fast forward to today.  I had the day off and was getting ready to go to the gym around 11.  SO walks in and declares he’s done for the day.  He went to one pre-set sales appointment, but had slipped on the ice and fallen this morning and his shoulder hurts so he called it quits.  

He made $2,500 last week.  Not too shabby.

He slipped and fell on the ice this morning and hurt himself and wanted to stay home for the rest of the day. 

I’m not connecting the dots from the above to why you kicked him out of your house. 

Do you LOVE him?  If you were in his place, would you want someone to treat you that way?  Maybe I’m missing something here . . .

Post # 8
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband lost his job in 2011.  It was a blessing in disguise… he was a miserable, stressed out ball of awful 80% of the time when working there.  It was terrible in the moment– the prospect of supporting us on one salary, him having no insurance, planning to get married.  It was scary.

Fast forward 18 months.  We’re married, managing well on one salary and he’s started back to school to pursue something that makes him happy.  He does side work for a contractor friend and has recently landed a part-time position as the assistant coach for a college baseball team and he LOVES IT.

Is it where we thought we’d be?  No.  Are we happy?  Yes.  There are stressful moments when we can’t afford to do things we WANT to do, but we afford everything we NEED to do, including planning a lovely wedding last year.  No amount of money or stress is worth my husband hating his life every day– his happiness is worth way more than that to me.

Take some time.  Breathe.  Figure out a plan and set expectations.  This is a team effort and you are a part of that.  It will work out in the end if you want it to.

Post # 11
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LeenieBee:  Ok, that makes a lot more sense now.  Guess I can’t blame you!  I wish you all the best.

Post # 12
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LeenieBee:  Wow, my man would never make a major life decision like that without consulting me first. Your bf’s decision seems immature and rash. Did you address him disrespecting you when it first came up? I don’t understand how this only blew up now…

Did he have an emergency fund built up before he quit? What did he say when you raised concerns about his student loans & health insurance?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I firmly believe you should support your partner’s career goals, even if they’re going out on a limb, but he must include you in every decision along the way. You both must be in agreement on what is financially acceptable. It doesn’t sound like he considered any of that stuff when he quit. ):

I think kicking him out is vindictive and won’t help your relationship (though I don’t blame you for having that reaction!). Do you want to break up with him over this? If not, I think you need to find a way to resolve this without him moving out.

Post # 13
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@LeenieBee:  He wasn’t laid off, he was fired.  We weren’t engaged/married at the time.  His temper got the best of him and he engaged in an argument with a supervisor that led to his termination.  He was responsible for his own demise, no question.  However, we had all the expenses that you spoke of and still do.  He doesn’t have health insurance.  We make it work.

If it is your expectation that he pay a certain portion of the bills no matter what, make it known.  That’s not how we operate, but it isn’t for everyone.  In any case, telling him to leave after one day on the new job that included an injury seems rash and like there is more to the situation.

Post # 14
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

it sounds like you’re treating him more like a roommate than a partner in a relationship.  relationships are a lot of work, a lot of give and take, a lot of compromise.  there will be tough times, that’s a guarantee, and if you’re so quickly willing to ask him to leave then it sounds like he’s not the one you want to weather through the tough times with.  your partner should be someone that you’re willing to walk through hell alongside, and they would do the same for you.

Post # 15
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I totally understand where you are coming from OP. Based on this guy’s history, he isn’t exactly a go-getter is he? And I also would not have been impressed by the falling on ice excuse a mere hour into the new job. Thank goodness he was not seriously hurt because now he doesn’t have health insurance. There is a tremendous difference between all of a sudden being down-on-your-luck as versus a rather disturbing pattern.

My ex didn’t really work for over 5 years. Oh he would start this or that job, but would quit or simply quit going to work with the most meager excuse. He was perfectly happy to let me pay all the bills while he boo-hooed, drank and heavens knows what else. I can truly understand why you are upset! Or wondering if this guy is truly marriage material. While women no longer marry to have a man support them (I make more than my FI), it IS nice to know someone is just as commited to the household finaces as you!

Post # 16
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@bummbledbee:  Eh, I disagree.  I think that what you’re saying would apply if they were married.  That’s why marriage is a more serious relationship than dating.  When you’re dating, you’re testing the waters, both knowing that at any time you can walk away.  It sounds like maybe they’re just not compatible in the long term.

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