(Closed) How can I ask for money instead of a gift?

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Just don’t make a registry.

Post # 3
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I did make a registry but didn’t add too much to it. We also set up a Honeyfund account, which most people didn’t end up using…but I think having it somewhat sent the message that we wanted monetary gifts for our Honeymoon more than our registry.

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oooh, you will unleash the etiquette beasts on this question.

In short, you really shouldn’t put any gift info on an invitation, not very hospitable looking. If you have an active wedding planning parent/bridesmaid/family member, I’d assign them the task of informing people that you two are quite well off so no registry is available. People will get the message.

Do expect some people not to bring a gift, particulary the younger generations.

All experience from our recent wedding. Congrats!

Post # 5
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Agree just don’t register and you’ll get money. It’s awkward/rude to ask for it. 

Post # 6
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Don’t make a registry. If anyone asks “Oh we don’t really any stuff, we’re just saving up for the honeymoon at this point. Hey did you hear that Uncle Moe got a mullet! I can’t wait to see that”

You might still get gifts. And without a registry, you might get weird gifts. But the majority of people will give you money.

Post # 7
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You can always do a Honeyfund. If you don’t want Honeyfund to take a portion of what is given to you (one of the many reasons people on here don’t seem to like them) just use the option that instructs people to bring a check or cash instead of using a credit card. 

Post # 8
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

In my social circle, it’s considered rude to ask for money outright.  I received an invitation once that said “monetary gifts are appreciated” and you wouldn’t believe the uproar it caused.  I think most people nowadays give money for weddings.  As everyone else said, just don’t register for anything and people will get the hint.

Post # 9
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t register. There is no polite way to ask for money.

Post # 10
Member
6379 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

As PP stated don’t register.  Your guests will get the hint.

Post # 11
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

What my cousin did (and we are copying) is to use Zola, which is sort of a hybrid registry site. You can add physical gifts from Zola, or you can add links to other stores. We put stuff from Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond on there. And then you can also add a honeymoon fund. Some people will tell you that honeymoon funds are rude, but you can’t please everyone. I think that if you mix it in with some physical items, it doesn’t come off as quite as money-grabby as a stand-alone honeyfund site. If you look around your apartment enough, you I bet you will be able to find physical some things to add to Zola or Target or whatever you choose. Once those get bought up, the remaining people will give you cash or gift cards.

Post # 12
Member
6763 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Gift requests of any sort are not included on the wedding invitation in the US.

If you don’t register or only register for a few things most people who wish to give a gift will choose to give cash. Many people do not like honeyfunds, etc. for many reasons including the fact that they take a percentage of the giver’s money. 

Post # 13
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you can’t find a nice way to word it, it means there isn’t one. Don’t register. If people ask say, “oh we have basically everything we need. Right now we are saving up for our honeymoon.”

People know cash is a good weddjng gift. 

Post # 14
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You can’t.  No way around it. It’s rude, sorry. 

Post # 15
Member
12213 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Not registering is not a polite way of asking for money or any sort of hint.  It suggests only one thing,  that the couple is not thinking of gifts at all. 

There is no polite way to ask for money. In fact there is no polite way to ask for anything if you go by traditional etiquette. Registries are only accepted by contemporary sources because they are considered to be a list of items a couple is  collecting for their own home. Friends and family have to seek it out on their own. It’s never okay to include registry info in or on an invitation.

All that said, if giving money is typical in your circles, that’s what people will do. If it’s not, they won’t.  

 

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