Post # 1
My husbands father has taken ill, and the prognosis isn’t very good. Though i’ve had to cope with my fair share of problems with my parents health, this is quite different.
I’m struggling with what i can do to best help him and his family. I know just being there is quite often enough, but i struggle with what to say, and often feel like a hard-hearted-Hannah…
Post # 3
It is hard knowing you cant do anything and the only thing you can do is just be there and listen and hold him when he needs it. I am sorry for this difficult time.
Post # 4
I went through this with my fiance and unfortunately his father is no longer with us. Listen, hold his hand, hold him when he is sad. You can’t fix it, but just being there for him emotionally will really help him.
Post # 5
Sometimes there isn’t anything you CAN say. Just be there, be supportive, and be patient. I’m sure he knows that you’re there for him and willing to listen, even when he’s not saying anything.
Post # 6
The BEST thing you can is be there emotionally. Thru his grieving process, he may not want/need you there physically, as he wraps his around everything going on, but knowing you are there emotionally is wonderful. For me, as I lost my mom, I have had my fair share of mood swings – where I want to talk/where I do not, where I want to be held/where I want to be left alone, where I want to cry/where I want to laugh/where I want to do nothing at all. Needless to say, it has been A LOT for my SO to ‘deal’ with, however, he always says ‘Im here for you – with whatever you need’, and that is really all I need right now. To know that when I want to talk, he is there, and to know when I want to be left alone, he is not (physically!). Probably not too helpful for you…but good luck!!
Post # 7
my advice for you, as my husband was in your position recently (and I was in your husband’s position): encourage him to spend as much time with his father as he wants – make sure he knows that you are supportive if he needs to be with his family more and you less. For me this was the #1 thing – taking as much of the guilt away as possible about where one should spend their time.
just listen to him when he is sad – most people are going to be uncomfortable around him and try to offer platitudes because they don’t know what else to do (agree with PP who said don’t try to “fix” it). He needs someone who can just listen, tell him it DOES suck, not try to help him find the silver lining, etc. tell him he doesn’t have to hold it together around you, that it is ok to cry and be sad or be angry. Verbalize that you are always going to be there for him, it will offer him some degree of comfort even though he knows it, it is good to hear it.
and im sorry 🙁
Post # 8
thanks for the great advice ladies 🙂
Thank-you, for this especially… “He needs someone who can just listen, tell him it DOES suck, not try to help him find the silver lining, etc. tell him he doesn’t have to hold it together around you, that it is ok to cry and be sad or be angry“