Post # 1
My boyfriend has had depression since he was 14 (he is 24 now) he told me about this before he asked me out and after dealing with it in my family i knew it was nothing to be ashamed of and it was no reason to not get into a relationship with him.
He was on a lot of medication where he was mostly like a zombie but he came off it around june last year and hasnt been on any since (yay) but recently he looks like he might be depressed again, he wont ask for help even if he really needs it because he likes to fix things himself and last time he was under the doctors watchful eye they just kept trying new medications which didnt work and made him very frustrated.
he says he feels lost and he needs to keep busy but this is how he started off last time. I have dealt with this a lot between him and my mum and aunties and i had post-natal depression after i had my son so i know what its like but it seems like i cant do anything for him.
the biggest thing i can do is just to be there for him and to listen but he wont open up to me unless i push him and i dont want to do that and i also take things he says quite personally and feel hurt by what he says sometimes when hes just trying to tell me how he feels, i dont tell him he hurts me because this may make things worse but im running out of ideas to make him smile, i feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore even though were meant to be getting engaged by september.
Have any bees out there had any experiences with depression? if so how do you handle it, theres only so much tip-toeing around i can do before i snap, it affecs me and my son too and i just want to help my partner feel better so we can be happy again.
Post # 3
It is a very long process, I understand the frustration he feels with trying new medications, I have had depression I think since I was a child/early teens, but I only got help and got diagnosed last year. The combination of therapy and medication can be mentally exhausting as well as frustrating.
Fiance has been my rock in all of this, there for me if I needed to talk, and if I didn’t was still there for me. He is the only one I have told everything to, all my problems, self doubt, etc. The only one. While he has had to listen to all my problems, etc I am always there for him too, and he knows he can tell me anything.
Don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel, he will be there for you like you are there for him.
Depression is something that often has to be battled for a lifetime, so it will not be something you can just fix or make him better. It is hard to make someone battling depression smile, don’t worry about making him smile all the time, that is exhausting for you too.
Just be there for him like you always have been, and encourage him to try getting help again.
Post # 4
Hi there, I have a Fiance with depression and sometimes it can be really frustrating when we’re having a good day and all of a sudden he gets real down and says he’s depressed and has no idea why. It is difficult not to take it personally, and I have gotten better at not always asking him what’s wrong, etc. when he doesn’t know because sometimes it just makes things even more frustrating for both of us. I think the best advice I have for you would be to encourage him as much as possible (ie not nag!) about seeing someone, getting back on meds, and also just being there for him. Rub his back and give him a peck on the cheek when he’s down, let him know you care in little ways like that. Try and be patient, I know it’s not always easy, but for me personally Fiance is worth it. Hope this helps, and good luck. *hugs*
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice, i will just sit with him and cuddle him and make life as easy as possible, i dont ask him for anything, i cook and clean, i will do the majority of the childcare and i will try to think of things to do at the weekend and have a few ideas just incase he feels a bit down or if hes more lively so i am really trying but yes it is exhausting.
I guess i just want him to be happy to be with me even though i know i cant make him smile and actually be happy all the time. Even when i have battled through it myself i have always been happy to be with him and trust him so much tha i will tell him what im feeling and if i know why i tell him that too but he doesnt open up to me, im not sure if this is a man thing or what but its very frustrating and im constantly worrying about what his mood will be like the day after, he never gets angry or anything hes just very passive, he will sit in silence and he sleeps a lot.
Its hard work but i will always be there for him. I know he wont go back to the doctors though he despised being on medication and being on different ones every few months from being 14 he has tried all the different ends of the spectrum and they didnt work, councilling might help but he wont ask for it, i encourage it but i cant do it for him.
I guess im just looking for advice on ways to help take his mind off things and to help me cope too.
Post # 6
@sapphirecupcake: Everyone’s battle with depression is different so while you were able to open up to him and he isn’t opening up to you now it doesn’t mean it’s a ‘man thing’ or that either of you did anything wrong, it is just different battles.
As for how to cope with it, make sure you take some time out for yourself to relax every day if possible or at least once a week. Is there any hobby he used to have or magazines he likes? Perhaps bring some home with you. But don’t always plan activities, for many battling depression going out and doing things will not help.