Post # 1
I have been planning our wedding since Dec. 2009 when we got engaged. Life was good we were finally able to get married, Fiance has this great job he loves, and then we found out I was pregnant (please no negative comments about pregnancy before marriage). I continued planning the wedding while planning for baby’s arrival also. Then our perfect year started to crumble. Through ultrasound they found I have a short cervix, then the next ultrasound they found I was 2 cm dilated and only 18 weeks. I was put on strict bed rest until I developed an infection in the amniotic sac (because it was exposed and my doctor didn’t prescribe me any preventative antibiotics) and ended up going into labor. My baby was born at 20 weeks and 6 days and she was born alive. However with her being that early and having developed pneumonia from the infected amniotic fluid she died shortly after delivery.
I am just struck with sick to my stomach grief. I am trying to push myself along with the remainder of my projects but I find it hard since I am obsessing over my baby girl and all the what if’s. I am no longer looking forward to a big wedding. We lost her Feb. 16th and our wedding is at the end of April. It is so fresh and raw still. I am not sure I can enjoy our wedding. I also fear that people will bring it up some how, and if I am able to set my grief aside and enjoy the day I don’t want someone ruining that by making a comment like “I’m so glad to see you enjoying yourself.” with a sympathtic look on their face. I know my family well and I can see this happening.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know this must be so difficult to deal with. I don’t have any words of advice though… Is it too late to postpone it?
Post # 4
OMG, I am so sorry for your loss! IMO I would postpone the wedding and take time out to grieve. You’re distraught over what has happened, and right now you need to take care of yourself and those feelings. Again, I am truly sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers. Sending you lots of hugs
Post # 5
i am so sorry for your loss – you are incredibly strong for everything youve been still doing up until this point
is a postponement an option? or a scale back of the bigger wedding? i can see why you would think it was so soon – you know yourself and your soon to be husband better than anyone, and you have to do what is best for the two of you – just remember that there is no “wrong decision” – take care of yourselves first
Post # 6
Wow, just, wow. What a story. Is there any way to include your story in the wedding? To include the recent loss of your baby in a way that feels appropriate to you? Would that feel right to you?
Post # 7
i have nothing to say other than i am sending positive energy your way. i am so sorry.
Post # 8
I’m still in shock at the horrible tragedy and loss you recently experienced. If it were me, there’s no way i could go through with the wedding, until I had a chance to grieve. You are in the midst of a very difficult time in life and I think everyone would understand if you wanted to postpone.
However, if you don’t want to postpone (and, I agree with you, you WILL get comments, sad looks, because it’s an incredibly sad situation and people (in general) are awkward in knowing what to do/say), then I would actually try to incorporate your daughter in the ceremony somehow. Like a time to reflect on what has happened and a time to celebrate the beauty and strength of your relationship with your Fiance. There’s no way to avoid the loss – especially when it would only be about 6 weeks in the past. I think being upfront with how difficult a time in life it is would be a beautiful thing in a marriage ceremony.
Hugs to you and best wishes for whatever you decide.
Post # 9
Wow. I honestly can’t even imagine what you must be going through. It may be tough but if you focus on the positive, the fact that you are marrying the man of your dreams, the man who has been through the same joy and then heartache and who understands you like nobody else can, I think you will not only make it through your wedding day but love every second of it! Besides I doubt anybody will bring it up. And if you are worried they might, pass the word that you don’t want any kind of reminder or condolances on your wedding day. You just want to enjoy the joy and happiness that it will and should be!
Post # 10
*hugs* I am soooo sorry for your loss!
I would definitely postpone.. or even you and your Fiance do a very small parents & siblings ceremony and in a few months do a “we’re married” reception.
I think the people close to ya’ll would DEFINITELY understand! and then you get to get married and be with your now hubby & after ya’ll are able to grieve ya’ll can celebrate your union with your friends & family.
Post # 11
Look – this might sound harsh but I would postpone your wedding indefinitely and screw the people who think it would be “good” for you to go through with it, and just accept that you may lose some deposits. You need time to heal, and pushing away your grief to plan an participate in your wedding won’t make it go away, it will only postpone it. I would look into grief therapy for you and your fiance, and when you feel like you’re at a place where you can get the most out of your big day, start planning again.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss – i wish you the best for the future.
Post # 12
I am so sad for your loss. Maybe instead you should make the baby part of it and do a tribute. If that’s not what you want it might best best to elope and plan a reception much later when your ready to celebrate or just postpone until ready. Just know your baby would want you to be happy and will always live in your heart
Post # 13
Losing a baby is so devistating. I am so sorry for your loss.
I agree that if you just want time to heal and don’t want all the attention you can postpone the wedding, people will understand. I am guessing its too late to change the guest numbers and have something more intimate with people you’re comfortable expressing those emotions with?
IF you decide you want to go ahead with your wedding maybe you could try a few things.
Have as many friends and family members as you can talk to others and express and pass along that although everyones sympathies are appreciated you would prefer them not expressed at the wedding. Some people still will, but hopefully it will be less overwhelming.
What about having a small memorial at the beginning of the ceremony. It may seem like the opposite of what you want, but I think no matter what her spirit will be such an important part of the day. Involving those around you in her memory will only make your day that much more meaningful. You’ll be thinking about her most of the day anway. This would also be a good time to have the officiant to express your wishes. People will still want to talk about it, but hopefully talk can move to the beautiful memories and memorial and not your loss itself.
If you haven’t already you might also consider seeking out a counselling and support groups for other women/parents who have lost a baby. Their support will be more valuable than you can imagine.
I hope you can heal with time and that you can figure out how best to celebrate the love between you even though your little one is no longer here.
Post # 14
I am so incredibly sorry about what has happened to you, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that is. If you talk to your vendors, hopefully they will let you post-pone until an undecided date (it would be cold hearted not to) that you can decide on when you are a little more healed. I’m sending loving thoughts your way!
Post # 15
I am so sorry. My heart just hurts for you. I think I personally would postpone the wedding…