Post # 1
i’m new to this site so I hope i’m posting properly etc!
I just wanted a bit of advice from everyone regarding the fact that me and my Fiance, both 26, are planning to run away and get married abroad.
Bit of background, we are both fairly shy people and not that close to our families (we are very close to direct family but not particularly any cousins, aunties etc etc) and we don’t have lots of friends to worry about.
So we’ve made our decision… that we would have a really wonderful special magical day just the 2 of us abroad in Mauritius most likely, and our close families are completely fine with it, We don’t plan to have a big party either, but to simply send out a bottle of nice wine and a card to our wider family members simply saying we are marrying on this date, have a glass of this for us…end of! Not even particualrly wanting gifts or anything in return, but i cant help but get irritated by little comments from work collegues etc!
It bothers me that people think its strange, people have assumed one of us was married before..not the case! and people assume we will have a big party after..not the case.
Have others had this same issue? and if others are doing a more traditional day, can they understand it?
Post # 2
I’d use the phrase “elope” instead of “run away and get married.” I was definitely expecting something else from this post. 🙂 That being said, I’d just ignore the comments of your colleagues. Lots of people elope, nothing strange about it, and as long as you two are happy thats all that matters!
Post # 3
Sounds like eloping really is the best plan for you guys – so own it and ignore the haters! Congrats on your decision x
Post # 4
That wine idea is just toooo cool and I wish I’d thought of it!
We’re also mid-20s and going abroad to get married although we are taking a small group of close family and friends with us.
Everybody we actually care about thinks it’s perfect for us but I totally get where you’re coming from re. comments from work types and more distant “friends”/acquaintances. Lots of people have a fairly narrow view of what a wedding is and most weddings do fit into that category.
The funny one we’ve had is people straight-up refusing to believe that you can get married legally on a beach…as if I wouldn’t have made sure to find that out?
I let this kind of thing wash over me. I’m lucky enough that the people I care about just want us to do whatever makes us happy. Anybody else…doesn’t matter. I think secretly quite a few people fancy the idea of running off into the sun and getting married on their own terms but succumb to pressure from parents and other family members.
Post # 5
Lol, as if beach weddings aren’t legal, or destination weddings. I know many couples before us who got married on a beach.
H is very shy about being in public and that had been a big part of his reluctance to propose – his fear of being in front of people for a ceremony and reception. Once he DID propose, friends who’d had a huge wedding told us to make sure to spend more on the honeymoon than the wedding, and we got to talking about their honeymoon at Sandals. An all-inclusive sounded nice, so I started doing research on Sandals and other resorts, too, and when H and I realized we could go have a nice stay in Jamaica at a place called Couples Swept Away, AND they’d marry us, we knew that was it.
I always wanted to get married outside, so did he, but places close by here, even for small 30 person weddings would have cost the same or more than our entire wedding trip. Running away together made it possible for him to face the ceremony with it just being me and the minister, it made the struggle of who to invite easy (no one), and was well received by almost everyone.
It’s your day to pledge yourselves to each other. You do it how you choose. Some people DID initially express disappointment we weren’t throwing them a party for our wedding (that’s how I see the reception at times), but they came up with other events to celebrate before we went and that made them happy.
Do what works for you – it’s your memories 🙂
Post # 6
DH and I eloped and we couldn’t be happier with our decision. We chose eloping because we felt it was a very personal day for us. We picked a place we both loved (the beach), and made our plans. We got married in a state where they didn’t require witnesses, so that was even better. The whole experience was wonderful and I wouldn’t change a thing!
Post # 7
People will think what they think. Just get married.
People will barely think about how you got married once it’s done, so do what you want.
Post # 8
It wouldn’t be eloping since she’s already told people.
Post # 9
A lot of people have notions on what a wedding should be and when you do something different they’ll give their opinion. If you feel comfortable doing what you’re doing, I don’t see why you need reassurance to feel more comfortable with it (unless I am missing something in your post).
If you come across like you are really excited to do this, like “this is so us and I can’t imagine having any other type of wedding!” then your coworkers will back off. But if you’re wishy washy, then they’ll keep harping on you.
Be confident with your choice and eventually they’ll keep quiet.
Post # 10
Eloping these days rarely means in the dead of night as a secret, and more commonly means just the bride and groom at the ceremony. Everyone under the sun knew H and I were running off to Jamaica to get married – we still called it eloping because we had no guests, just us.
Post # 11
Eloping still has a definition; one that doesn’t just apply to getting married.
Which words you use to tell people things makes a difference, and telling people you and your fiancé/e are eloping can cause lots of trouble because of how people think about it. Choosing one’s words to say what you actually mean can be a good thing.
Also, lots of brides come on these boards intending to elope — the way the word actually describes — and don’t understand that you’re not supposed to tell everybody if you truly want to elope. They end up ruining their plans because of this misunderstanding. That’s why I comment about this so much: so that couples who actually intend to elope don’t mess up their plan.
Words have meanings and definitions. People can use words however they want, but sometimes it’s best to use them the way they’re intended to be used.
Post # 12
That wine idea is awesome! Kudos!
If people ask…I would just say that it’s something you’ve always wanted for your wedding day….to be just about you, your groom, and your lifelong promises/vows you are making to each other. And that for you—a private, intimate wedding in a beautiful location is what you’ve always dreamed of. It’s about the marriage–not the wedding. And perhaps if you point that out to these rude people “I’m excited and want to focus on the marriage, not a party” they will understand that not everyone wants frou frou.
Post # 13
I have never ever heard of eloping as secretly getting married that you can’t tell anyone about these days. That’s kind of silly. It meant that before, 100s years ago, but words change meanings over time and we have to accept that. Right now eloping means getting married just the 2 of you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a secret. But, that’s purely my opinion.
Post # 14
I had the reverse problem. Married my husband the first time in late 90s, where marriage in itself was considered by many we knew to be tacky, and many felt that weddings in general were tacky and extravagant.
I walked down the aisle in a high collar Victorian gown that I loved from a consignment shop. Not what many were expecting or had become used to seeing at most weddings they attended. Some people that thought us having a wedding with cake and all to be frivolous or inappropriate since we lived together and appalled that we didn’t even have the decency to stay in separate addresses pre-wedding for the sake of appearances. Some told us flat out we had no right to have a wedding and rub such things in others faces, so we should have had the decency to just elope. Some of those people chose not to attend, but we had a wonderful, fun wedding. There were also some that couldn’t believe we weren’t doing things more in accordance to tradition. It was pretty clear that there was no way we were going to totally please one person, forget pleasing everyone!
In some way we were ahead of our time in the way we did things, like with a themed reception. In other ways we did things very retro.
Don’t worry what others say- give it a few years, maybe many will be back to eloping all over again once it again becomes the things to do. Do what makes you happy, it’s your day. Ignore those telling you what to do. Not their business.
Post # 15
You can think whatever you want, but eloping means going away from where you normally live, with no notice, getting married, and not telling anyone that you’re doing it.
That’s just what it means. It doesn’t mean an elaborately planned and publicized event, no matter how many people are in attendance.