(Closed) How can I forgive this!! I am so livid!!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

(Disclaimer: I have only read the OP and no other posts)

He confessed, apologized, and asked you to forgive him as well as suggested marriage counseling.

The ball is in your court if you will extend him grace and forgive him. It is in the past and not a continuing behaviour. I’m not saying that forgiving him will be easy – but I advise you to try as well as go to the counseling he suggested.

Post # 79
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013
Post # 81
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@adoc86:  +1 to everything you said. Cheating is not a mistake, it was a conscious decision. Unless she tripped, fell, and landed on his dick then I am really not buying it. As much as I love my husband, I also love myself. I am happy to say that I have enough self respect to walk away from a bad situation with my kids and give them a better role model. You are not living your life for your kids and they will be a lot happier if they have happy parents.

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@Laurenskii:  Just how abuse is a deal breaker for you, cheating is for a lot of other people. Both reasons are equally valid and everyone has their limits of what they can and cannot tolerate. I honestly would rather my husband punch me in the mouth than betray me, our marriage, and our vows by having an affair. Neither of us is right or wrong – that’s why they are opinions.

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@AngryBee21:  OP, you sound very unhappy. Your trust and relationship have been shattered and you are not willing to move past it. I hope that you two can work through it in therapy (but remember you can’t keep him locked up forever – you will have to trust him to go out without you at some point) or that you find the strength to leave and do what is best for you. The only person you are guaranteed to live with forever is yourself. Do you respect that person? Is she happy? That is what matters in life. It’s too short to be miserable.  

Post # 82
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@badabing88:  +1. If anything my husband should be afraid for his life and doing his damnest to try and make it up to me. Under no circumstance should the person who was cheated on be doing all the work to fix it. Fuck that.

Post # 83
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nona is right.  You need to allow him to make amends for what he did.  You also need to allow yourself to get over it and put it aside.  You all can’t have a relationship that has him walking on eggshells and you always wondering if he’s out with another woman.  It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to your kids. 

Go to counseling…both together and apart.  Work to get through this.  If you want it to work and you want to stay together it will work.  Relationships are hard.  It takes you both to make it work and it sounds like he is willing to do what it takes.  You have to be willing too.

Post # 85
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@AngryBee21:  “he brings up what I did and makes me feel like he was justified in cheating”

Nothing justifies cheating. NOTHING. You could be the biggest bitch in the world, you could have cheated on HIM, and yet it still would not justify his own cheating. I think it is time to leave.

Rather than realizing his mistakes require a permanent change, he instead has reverted back as soon as you seem like you will stay. You now know this will be the pattern forever. Take that info, and run.

I didn’t realize this before from what you’d said until the last post, but this guy sounds emotionally and financially abusive. You are a married couple, it shouldn’t be “his money” and “my money.” It should be a unit. The way he insults you and has you in a position so that you can’t leave sounds very intentional and like he has been controlling and isolating you for a while. Plus, he cheated on you and essentially trapped you into marriage, and is now blaming you for that.

Get. Out. You had a place set up to leave a couple weeks ago. If you try hard enough, you can find a place to go, and people who will be willing to take you for a bit. You’re not as alone as you think.

Post # 87
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@AngryBee21:  You were about to move about a couple weeks ago. What set up did you have then?

Post # 89
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can’t even imagine the betrayl & hurt you must be feeling.

There is no sort of advice anybody can give because we don’t know your relationship.

What I will say though is something I have lived by:

There is a point of no return in every relationship. If everything was great from this moment forward, would you be able to return to a state of happiness, or will you always brood, regret, feel hurt? If it’s the latter, it’s time to move on. If you aren’t sure yet, try to work it out.

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