(Closed) How can I get excited if I can’t afford it?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Moving in together costs a LOT of money, I kid you not. We’re still paying off the furniture we bought a year ago when we moved in (we splurged and bought new furniture at Living Spaces, we spent $2400 to furnish our whole apartment). My parents kept telling me it would be costly and I would save so much more money at home, but I just wanted to get the hell out of there (it’s not as bad as I make it seem, but I lived in an Asian household.. my parents were still giving me a curfew at the age of 23 UGH).

In my case, it was totally worth it to move out to get out from under my parents, but if you have a good relationship with your parents, I’d stay put; the money you spend on gas commuting is NOTHING compared to rent + util each month. I don’t know what the rental market looks like in your area but I live in a pretty skeezy neighborhood and we only pay $775/month for a 1bd/1ba… but if you do the math that’s almost $10k we’ve spent on rent in the last year.. imagine that money going to your wedding. 

With all that said, I am also freaking out about how we’re going to pay for the wedding. My parents graciously offered to pay for half so we just have to come up with the other half, but it’s still a pretty big chunk of change. We only have one month left before we have to pay off all our wedding balances. I just finished grad school in Dec. and wasn’t working the last few months of school. Now we’re in a serious pinch and I’m pretty worried. It’s gotten to the point where I’m looking forward to the month AFTER the wedding when all this planning and financial worries can (hopefully) be laid to rest.

Post # 18
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Also, about your FI’s parents offering to contribute but wanting “traditional” things, if there are things you’re not interested in having at your wedding, just say so.. but TACTFULLY. We decided not to do centerpieces because the restaurant where we’re having the reception is providing us with votive candles and rose petals, we figured.. why spend the extra money on centerpieces?

Post # 19
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

An option to consider is to have friends and family gift you things you need.  Maybe a couple of cousins can chip in a buy a wedding cake or cupckakes.  Maybe an uncle is a photographer and he can be your wedding photog and gift you your wedding pics.  You may miss out on the traditional wedding gifts with this method, but if you prefer a wedding to kitchen gadgets this may be for you.  Of course, DIY as much as you can.  Have friends/family DIY with you and/or for you if you don’t feel you are particularly crafty or if you feel you have too much to DIY yourself. 

Post # 20
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There are many ways to cut back on your cost. My Fiance and I are only planning on spending 5k on our wedding in June and everything is coming together.

I got the perfect wedding/party dress from Davids for $199.00. We are doing a cocktail sytle reception with just fingerfoods and ice tea and lemonade. Our cupcakes came from SAM’s which were very inexpensive. No bridesmaids or groomsmen just us and our kids. Invitations came from Michaels $16 BUCKS (and they are perfect) !!!! Also ask your close friends to help out with whatever talent they may have…..

Word of advice dont get caught up in the glitter and glamour of the affair. You have a lifetime together to have another wedding…..

Good Luck

 

Post # 21
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with @soon2benixon. Try getting your dress from David’s Bridal. I paid only $130.00 for my dress and I loved it. I didn’t have much money at the time my husband and I got married so we really tried to keep things within our budget. Also with the invitations, you can try getting them from Michael’s or making your own. Usually making your own invitations and favors is a lot cheaper.

If in the future you would like a bigger wedding, you can just plan it out. My husband and I were married through the court but are planning a church wedding. We are saving up as much as we can now.

Good luck with everything!

Post # 22
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

First of all, you’re not alone. A lot of us go through this feeling at some point or another during wedding planning. It can feel overwhelming and impossible.

I agree with the previous posters about determining a budget as a starting point. But I’d also suggest taking a break from planning. When you’re feeling down it’s hard to really see the possibilities.

From there, consider making an inspiration board of what your dream wedding would be. Analyze what is affordable, what you could save money by doing DIY.

My dream wedding was out of my reach because a famly emergency depleted all my wedding savings. While I don’t regret helping my family, I was down about having to give up my dream wedding. So took a break from planning and allowed myself to feel down for a bit.

It took time to come around, but eventually I resumed planning, adjusted my dreams a little and instead of mourning the Marie Antoinette affair for 65 I can’t afford, I’ve embraced a vintage Victorian theme for 20.

Give yourself a bit of time to feel sad about what you can’t have, it’s okay. But then after a break, with fresh eyes, try to plan and love the wedding that you can afford.

A beautiful wedding is possible on a tiny budget, you’ll see that in time, but allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling now.  Eventually the excitement will come 🙂

Post # 23
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Definitely set up a budget!

 

My husband and I were paying for our entire wedding ourselves. We cut back on a lot of things, and we took money out of our paychecks ever week! We were able to pull off a very nice wedding for right around $10,000! It took a few years of savings and it was absolutely worth it. People comment on how expensive my wedding looked, and when they asked how much we spent, I tell them and the look of shock and awe that comes across their face is priceless. They thought I had spent lots more! My best friend even said to me “I know how much your wedding cost because I was there with you every step of the way. Walking in if I hadn’t known to begin with, I would have assumed you spent triple or more on your wedding. When I told my date, they were just shocked that you pulled it off for that much!”

When you start booking things, try to get the price down. I was able to do this with several vendors! A lot of them will work with you! With the venue, if it is a large deposit to hold the date see if you can make arrangements towards it. We did this with our venue, and it was extremely helpful! My photographer raised her prices significantly before I booked her and made an initial consultation with her, I just met her a week before at a bridal show, and I flat out told her that I really loved her work and that I just met her, and was hoping we could work out prices since her new prices were much higher, she was happy to honor what we went over at the bridal show, and gave me a discount for meeting her there!

 

You don’t have to have that budget. You don’t have to get married within a year. I’m happy we waited almost 4 years to get married after we got engaged, especially since I got engaged at 21! I’d be happy to go over more in depth you and share a lot of what I did to cut corners 🙂

Post # 24
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could accept financial help from your future ILs, or you could push back the wedding date. No need to be in a hurry.

Post # 25
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@2impatient: Only accept financial assistance if you feel comfortable with the relationship and that your Future In-Laws will be helpful/supportive, not demanding. That being said, if you did take assistance from them, or not, no one should know how you paid for your wedding. I can’t imagine anyone asking you who paid for what, and if they did, I would just coin a generic response like, ‘Oh, we all pitched in and worked on it together!’

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