(Closed) How can I get my dad to like my fiancée who has aspergers

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My first boyfriend, who is now one of my best friends, has aspergers.  So does my husband’s brother.  I think most people with aspergers I have met are awesome people.  Your dad is a jerk and you should follow your heart.  I don’t think anyone really knows if there is a genetic component to asperger’s.  So I think there is no reason why you shouldn’t have kids with him.  If there is a genetic component and they do have it, I am sure that will not bother you in the slightest.  If you told me he had Down Syndrome or some other severe chromosome abnormality, I would probably suggest adoption for you, but asperger’s is seriously no big deal and has absolutely no major health risk to your kids.  I say have a wedding without your dad there to ruin the day.

Post # 3
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Your relationship sounds challenging, but also very sweet. You need to establish boundaries from your father and live the life you want. Hopefully your dad will come around to accepting your SO someday, but if not, you need to prepare yourself for that.

I think you need to stick up for your SO when your dad says something nasty, like the abortion thing (WTF, none of his business).

Post # 5
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
jennymack89:  it is genetic ands it’s actually a neurological disease not a mental disorder. Your fiance sounds sweet, you dad hopefully will come around eventually. You can’t force it. Just continue to live your life and maybe dad will eventually get it that this guy is here for keeps.

Post # 7
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

Aspergers isn’t a mental illness.

Post # 9
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
jennymack89:  Sorry, that probably came off ruder than intended. Your dad is an ass, just keep on being true to yourself and he can go pound sand 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry bee, your fiancé sounds like a sweetheart. Your Dad lacks empathy. Maybe he will come around after you get married, but as long as you’re happy with your Fiance, that’s all that matters. You don’t have to have a part of the ceremony that allows people to object, by the way, I’ve been to lots of weddings that cut that part out.

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I created ab account JUST to reply to this post. You and your fiancé are incredible. The challenges you have already overcome and the openness of your hearts and minds is inspiring. I’m so sorry you aren’t surrounded by love and support. Just know that the two of you were meant to find each other, and you have many happy years ahead! 

 

I would und suggest trying to get your dad to attend some support groups or even consult a psychologist about Aspergers so he could understand it better. However, it unfortunately sounds like he is completely closed off to the idea.

 

i wish you all the love and happiness in the world! 

Post # 12
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I created an account JUST to reply to this post. You and your fiancé are incredible. The challenges you have already overcome and the openness of your hearts and minds is inspiring. I’m so sorry you aren’t surrounded by love and support. Just know that the two of you were meant to find each other, and you have many happy years ahead! 

 

I would und suggest trying to get your dad to attend some support groups or even consult a psychologist about Aspergers so he could understand it better. However, it unfortunately sounds like he is completely closed off to the idea.

 

i wish you all the love and happiness in the world! 

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure

Your father says some horribly cruel words, obviously. Yikes. To say someone ( his own daughter) should just get an abortion, he’ll, that is effed up! There are plenty of people that go living normal lives with Aspergers, take the girl from Americas Next Top Model, Heather, for instance. I think my ex had Aspergers as a matter of fact. He was a nice enough guy, but he wasn’t for me. He literally drove me insane to the point where I couldn’t stand him anymore. Nothing to do with the Aspergers, just other issues. If he takes care of you, then what the heck is the big deal. If your father is that dead set against him, don’t make him come to the wedding. You’d be better not having him there. If it were me, I’d just elopE to prevent that nonsense. It saddens me to read this, bee. I’m sorry he can’t be there for you. I hope he changes his mind and gives you the emotional support a father should. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  serenitysky.
Post # 14
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
jennymack89:  Okay, but screaming and yelling at your dad has gotten you nowhere. Next time, I suggest telling him you aren’t going to listen to him talk poorly about your fiance and then leave. No door slamming, no yelling, no drama. Keep doing this every time and eventually he might start acting better. 

Post # 15
Hostess
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2007 - City, State

View original reply
jennymack89:  it’s a shame how small minded your dad is. You should bring him some material on people with Autism! Also, maybe you should let him know that famous people, great inventors and actors, have autism…. I’m sorry, my son has autism and I am amazed at how ignorant some people are out there. I pray when my son grows and finds a girl he loves to marry, that her family is understanding and Loving. Autism isn’t some kind of disease you can catch. It also doesn’t make anyone unable to have kids. My dad has aspergers, fought in our Army for 25 years, retired and went on to work for a very high named computer company. He married my mom, now going on 38 years together. Had 3 kids he helped raised and is an amazing grandfather! Autism didn’t make him any less of a provider, man or anything! You can tell your dad that story too. 

I pray your dad comes around. If not, I would let him know that you love your Fiance and will be spending the rest of your life with that amazing man! 

prayers to you and your man. 

The topic ‘How can I get my dad to like my fiancée who has aspergers’ is closed to new replies.

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