(Closed) How can I get my husband to understand?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@marzipanda:  Whoops, sorry!

Post # 18
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mchitt329:  I agree, maybe let him know that you’d llike a break from cooking. He might just not realize that cooking everynight can sometimes be a chore and you want a BREAK. I say this to DH sometimes and he’s always like “Oh, yeah I guess we can go out….and it turns into a fun impromptu date.

 @lizziegarland My hubby is a homebody too and sometime getting him to “take me out” can be like pulling teeth. I love going out to fancy dinner and dressing up and making a big to do about the whole thing but that’s just not DH’s style. We didn’t go on many dates before we got married either. I tend to look at it more like, DH is still learning. Communication is key. It sounds like you are aware of this and have been trying to communicate with DH but he just doesn’t want to have it. It sounds like he has an attitude like everytime you open your mouth to express yourself he thinks your nagging. The fact that he just walked away from you……very rude! I’m so sorry….that must have hurt. Understand though that that kind of behavior is probably a sign that your husband is hurting on the inside. I would approach him gently, maybe buy him a small gift, or make him his favorite treat and gently ask him if he’s okay. It’s likely that he feels a lot of pressure to keep things together for the both of you during this hard time. Ask him what you can do for him, how you can help him and maybe this will open the gates of communication and you’ll be able to express how you’re feeling as well.

 

Post # 19
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am not sure you’re framing your questions to him properly… are you taking his feelings into account? Especially if he’s a homebody, there are more appealing ways to word a question to that type of person (trust me, I’m one of them!)

Not to mention… if you’re stressed out about his job, think about hos HE feels about it! Coming home to a spouse who is stressing out over your job isn’t the best way to forget your troubles, and I’m sure it isn’t making him feel supported. It’s probably making him more alarmed.
Even if you are worried about his job situation right now, you should try to be uplifting and positive to him – I’m sure it will help him feel better.

Post # 20
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

First I wanted to say that I sympathise.  My DH doesn’t walk away from uncomfortable conversations (anymore), but he does sort of shut down.  He will cease the rational part of our conversation and resort to whinging about how he doesn’t want to think about it right now.  I have moments when I want to do this too, so our solution is to say that we’ll drop the topic for now, but we’ll come back to it when we’re both in a better mood & have had some time to process what’s been said already.

 

Second, I agree with housebee that you should try (hard as it is) to drop the guilt and enjoy yourself.  The 2 of you will surely end up doing many, many things that one of you wants to do and the other doesn’t.  I’d imagine that if he dragged you someplace you didn’t want to go, you wouldn’t want him feeling guilty the whole time, but would want him to genuinely enjoy the thing he wanted to do while you do your best to have a good time.

 

Or just go it alone.  It defeats the purpose of making it a date, but if you really want to go to an event and he’s dragging his heels, invite a friend or 2 and make it a girls’ day out!  You’re entire social life doesn’t have to revolve around him (not saying it does, just saying that many married couples I know tend to do that.  You never see one without the other, and I guess I don’t get that b/c there are definitely things I enjoy that DH doesn’t, and sometimes I’d rather hang out with like-minded friends or go alone than drag his butt around someplace he finds boring.)

Post # 21
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Like a lot of the other posters have said, he is probably stressed out due to the uncertainity of a government shutdown. He is probably thinking about who in the world you will be able to cover bills, etc. if a shutdown lasts longer than a few weeks.

My SO is also a homebody–to an extent. He has gotten better but I’ll say something like “We haven’t gone out and done anything lately. Can we go out and get ice cream and then come home and watch a movie?” Everything is about compromise and communication.

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