Post # 1
I need some input from some ladies with experience with this. I have put zero pressure on my bf to get engaged because I’ve always believed it’s a decision he should make on his own terms. The decision that I DO (pun intended) want to help him with is what type of ring to get. I do feel that an engagement is imminent.
Since I rarely discuss rings in great detail, he probably has no idea, but once again I want to keep some element of surprise when it comes to the proposal. I don’t want to go out ring shopping or leave magazine ads around the house. What are your suggestions for dropping hints without being too obnoxious….or talking about rings? I thought of making a folder and putting it in his internet favorites bar.
What other advice can you give me about how to subtly drop hints about my likes and dislikes? What worked for you? How did your guy feel about the way you dropped hints? Again, I want to keep the pressure-free theme going, but it’s a very important piece of jewelry that I’ll have to wear forever, so I want to give a little guidance..
Post # 3
We “started looking” one day at the mall together! Maybe you could do it in a nonchalant way like that! =) And he saw what I was gravitating towards and liking most! And let me tell you, he found my DREAM ring and we never saw it once together!
Post # 4
I think leaving bookmarks on his computers is about as un-subtle as you could get. If I were you, I would comment on rings you see on TV or people wearing in person. A lady next to you at dinner can get the comment. “oh man, look at that rock she’s wearing. I’d never want anything that elaborate.” And he gets the hint that you’ve thought about this and you have a preference on what you’d want to wear for eternity (no-brainer to us, but not to them).
That totally worked for me. I started pointing them out all over the place, talking about coworkers’ rings, etc. and eventually I ended up sending him links online to ones that represented something that I would like (e.g., “my coworkers’ ring looks like this and I love it, don’t you?”), and eventually we picked mine out together.
Post # 5
I talked with my sister, figuring that he might ask her. It turns out she emailed him some suggestions. Although I think he would have picked the same ring without her email he had that info without me being involved.
I know of friends who talked with theri SO about rings in the context of what they liked about the rings of people who had recently been engaged.
Post # 6
If you guys have talked openly about getting engaged soon then I think you can tell him what you like. Just don’t suggest anything that might up the price. For example, telling him you like a cushion cut center stone with channel set diamonds in the band is cool. Showing him a picture of a 3 carat flawless stone, not so much.
If you feel like you can’t come right out and say what you want, I’d enlist the help of a friend. Go with her to look at rings so she knows exactly what you like. Then I’d hint that she’s a good person to talk to about rings because she knows your style so well whenever the time comes. A good time would be when he brings up the future. Keep it casual so it doesn’t seem like you are pressuring him to pop the question anytime soon. My Future Sister-In-Law took this approach and now she has the exact ring she wanted and her Fiance has no idea she picked it out.
Post # 7
KayDubs, I agree with all the suggestions above. I’m still in the not-yet-engaged club, but Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have discussed the prospect of marriage. We’ve talked some about rings, etc. Usually I’ll bring up a website or jeweler with ring designs I like, or talk about what I liked about a family member’s ring. I think he’s picking up some good tips.
One idea is to check out a design your own ring website. You could e-mail him some general ideas. Or for a much more subtle approach, if he ever goes shopping with you, take him over to a jewelry aisle, and tell him what sort of things you like in all jewelry items like size, color, etc. Hopefully that will give him some ideas! Best of luck. 🙂
Post # 8
I tell him about “dreams” I had with rings
Post # 9
My Fiance knew the cut I liked because I wore a similar cz version of it often and he actually took notice on his own. So maybe head to macys and look on their $15 spinner and pick out a style u like and start wearing it. Or for an extra nudge, come home with it and mention how you fell in love with that ring, and you HAD to have it
Post # 10
I don’t know if this will work for everyone but, try talking to your friends and, most importantly your moms (hopefully you have that kind of relationship with your FMIL). For me, it was a mix of hapenstance that allowed me to “hint”. His best friend got engaged and I commented on the ring. His mother then questioned me about the engagement and I steered the conversation to casually talk about rings in general, commenting on her ring and telling her what my preferences were (she confessed to me that if she had a choice, she would have picked a baguet cut, vs. her round brilliant). I know that Mr. Roo will ask for his mom’s advice (that’s the kind of relationship they have) and probably my mom’s and friends’ advice as well. Therefore, I made it my mission to educate all of his potential advisors on my preferences. LOL!
EDIT to say that I’m also guilty of “accidentally” leaving the website pages containing rings (not necessarily engagement rings but rings that show my taste) on my laptop screen.
Post # 11
Thanks for all of the suggestions! You guys are making me feel so welcome already.
Post # 12
I finally had to break down and just be out with it- and I’m really glad that I did, because now I know what I’m getting (we looked together and found the perfect ring), and what he had in mind to get me was unfortunately very much not my style. So though I’d have liked to be pleasantly surprised with the perfect ring, there are a lot of dang ugly rings out there and I’m happy they aren’t mine.
Post # 13
I’m not sure if you’ve found a way to tackle this dilemma yet, but I found my SO actually preferred me letting him know what I liked! He knows I’m pretty picky, so it actually took pressure off him when I agreed to pick my own ring.
I sent him links and brought him over to Tiffany’s to see the classic (though we would get it custom-made)… and I’m even going with him to get it made to ensure the details are as I hoped for (whenever he finally decides it’s time to go… haha).
He’ll be able to surprise me with the actual proposal.
In essense, maybe your SO would prefer your help? Maybe you could e-mail him links or info like I did? E-mail may be better than web browser bookmarks since it canbe accessed anywhere, vs. he’d had to have his computer with him to see the bookmarks.
Post # 14
We talked about how we would hypothetically want a proposal. Did I want it to be a surprise or did I want to pick it out. I had the best of both worlds. The proposal was a surprise and the ring was picked by me!
Post # 15
I’ve felt like I’ve been pretty pushy; once when we were at the mall I kind of drug him over to a jewelry store display (not in the store) and we looked at rings. That opened the discussion up for what kind of rings he like and what kind of rings I like. We actually have fairly compatible ideas on what an e-ring should look like!
I sent him some links once and about a week later asked if he had looked it over. He said he hadn’t. So I guess he wasn’t curious enough about it. 🙁
I actually went looking at rings by myself today (I wanted to make sure that the designs I liked actually looked nice on my hand) and get myself sized (the free ring sizer I got from Blue Nile has me at a 7 or 7.5, but the girl at Robbins’ Brothers sized me at a 6 today). So maybe when we talk about it tonight I can bring it up. The consultant wanted to get his address and mail him the rings that I liked, but I thought that would have been too pushy and something he didn’t really need. So she’s going to e-mail the info to me instead.