Post # 1
Almost a year of being married and things are finally starting to feel normal. For me at least. I know my parents miss me, but they are very supportive.
The thing is… I have two older sisters, both unmarried, that are still having a hard time adjusting. It was always the 3 of us, always each others friends. Both of my sisters are not interested in having a relationship and I can’t see that in their future. It was totally unplanned when I started dating, it wasn’t one of my goals at only 22, but life happened and within a year I was married.
I lived an hour away from my husband and usually it was easier for me to travel to see him, and admitedly, although definitely unintentionally, my sisters didn’t get to know him quite as well as they could have. It was a whirlwind year and I spent most of our engagement trying not to make it a big deal for my family.
That was probably a mistake. So now almost a year later, I see how unconfortable especially my oldest sister is around my husband. And i have no clue what to do about it. There seems to be an invisible barrier that she can’t get over and in turn its not a nice feeling when it seems as if she doesn’t like him.
They still want it to be just us 3 again, which i understand, but reality is that I’m married, and I can’t change that. I wish i knew how to make it easier for them to accept and hopefully embrace it.
Lately she’s made efforts to say that she’d like to get to know him better…but i don’t know how to make it less…painful? I think thats the best word ot describe it.
Any thoughts would be helpful…at least I vented a little.
Post # 2
Maybe make it a point to give your sisters some time together with just the three of you in addition to doing things with your sisters + Darling Husband. That might make it easier on them, seeing that they still have you in their lives and that they’re still a priority even if not in exactly the same way as before.
Post # 3
First-I love that you care about their feelings that much. And it’s great the one sis is trying to reach out more.
Second-it’s not really up to you to make them okay with things changing. They’re going to have to learn to deal with change and letting each other live your own lives. Your priority is your husband and he simply is more important now to you than they are (and rightfully so).
Last-are your sisters just uncomfortable around men in general? If that’s the case, I definitely think some limited time more frequently might help them relax and accept him better. If it’s too long of time all at once, it might get draining instead of encouraging their friendships?
Oh sorry one more thought-is it possible they are just a bit jealous that you are married? I know you said they don’t want relationships but…as an older sister who saw younger sibling find their spouse before me–it can still be a bit of a bummer to not have it. And maybe not having that relationship experience personally is just making it hard for them to adjust and know how to act.
Post # 4
It sounds like this all happened really quickly, and they’ve only known him for two years. So just it some more time, but keep your expectations in check. They might just never be as relaxed around each other as you are around them, and that’s okay.
Also, since you said they wish it was still just the three of you: it’s okay to still spend time with them without your husband sometimes. That’s important to maintaining those family relationships.
Post # 5
My FI’s brother is extremely quiet and introverted with social anxiety. I think he barely spoke a word to me the first 3 years my Fiance and I were dating! Not because he didn’t like me but because he had to warm up and get comfortable slowly. It’s a bit different to your situation but the same principles might apply, which is just persistence and time. Invite your sisters to do things with you and your Darling Husband. They will slowly get more comfortable and used to him. A regular weekly dinner at your house? Maybe they are passionate about something you could hint your Darling Husband to ask them about to get them talking? Also make sure you do lots of things with just your sisters too so they see they haven’t lost you.
Post # 6
“-is it possible they are just a bit jealous that you are married? I know you said they don’t want relationships but..”
Please don’t assume this , it is by no means every woman’s dream to be married . So mortifying for the recipient (s) to have such an attitude attributed to them . I think pp above has the answer, persistence and time and and regular invitations.