how can I learn to have a healthy relationship

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would call him on his bluff and walk away, and then never talk to him again.

He sounds immature.

Post # 3
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I have to say, if anyone I was ever dating dared to tell his friend in front of me (jokingly or otherwise) that I couldn’t have sex because I was on my period, I would leave right then and there and that would be it.

He treats you with disrespect that isn’t just “being a goofball and not taking life seriously.” You are not cold for taking offense, you’re selling yourself short by letting him get away with it.

I have dated utter goofballs – they’re laidback, easy going, not always on time, loves a good joke, but it has never been like that… golddigger? wtf.

You can fix most things in a relationship, but lack of respect never.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
7705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is way too much drama and negativity for a relatively new relationship. It reminds me of some relationships I had in my early 20s. I don’t care how good of a connection you guys have in the “good” times…anyone who laughs at you when you’re humiliated and then calls you “cold” for not appreciating that treatment does not deserve your time. I sound like a broken record in these threads but it has to be said: a relationship should be a source of security and contentment in your life…not an ongoing source of angst.

Next time he suggests that you dump him (or even before he gets a chance, ideally), please do take him up on the offer, and mean it.

Post # 5
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

The way you learn to have a healthy relationship is to leave ones that are unhealthy (like this one) and never date someone that puts you down again. 

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

To me this sounds like a classic case of narcissistic gaslighting. If a friend told me this same story I would tell her to get some therapy for herself and when possible, cut him out of her life.

 

I am really sorry he treated you like this for so long. I can imagine it must really hurt. Please remember there is nothing “wrong” with you, stop feeling responsible for the things he said and start working on making yourself happy. I bet you once you focus on yourself, you will realize you are not the crazy one, and you will be so happy!

Post # 7
Member
2978 posts
Sugar bee

He’s a mean bully. He knows how much he is hurting you. He does the bullying not because you are worthless (you are absolutely not worthless) but because he is worthless.

He is a horrible pig-like creature who certainly doesn’t deserve you.

So, hold your head up high and leave him.

You don’t have to explain to him why you are leaving him. He doesn’t deserve an explanation. 

Post # 8
Member
2568 posts
Sugar bee

It is good that you realize this isn’t a healthy relationship and are looking for ways to build one. Your first step is to dump this guy asap. Making comments about your sexual availability in front of others is totally unacceptable; so is calling you a bitch or crazy. There are so many red flags in this post. Building a healthy relationship has a lot to do with noticing red flags and taking them seriously. There are areas where it’s okay to settle a little bit (e.g. putting up with an annoying habit, dating someone less attractive than your ideal) and areas where it’s not; you should NEVER settle for being treated with disrespect.  

Post # 9
Member
8966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

coffeegirl985 :  “how can I learn to have a healthy relationship” — It starts by learning to recognize when you’re with the wrong person. Anytime you say “this person would be perfect and I would be so happy if they would just [fill-in-the-blank]” you’re probably with the wrong person. You need to be able to say “this person is imperfect but I can live happily with them even if they never change.” If this guy never changes a thing, will you be able to live a happy fulfilled life with him? If not, then leave. Otherwise you’re going to waste the next 2, 5, 10 years hoping he’ll change, and he never will. 

Post # 10
Member
10082 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your Boyfriend or Best Friend is a dick. Thats the problem with this relationship, its not you.

Your problem will be if you aren’t wise enough to walk away and find someone who doesn’t treat you like human garbage.

Post # 11
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

How can you learn to have a healthy relationship? Leave this guy immediately, take some time to rebuild a healthy relationship with yourself (because I imagine putting up with over a year of this guy’s bullshit has done a number on your self-esteem) and then start looking for men who don’t resort to childish jokes and petty name calling to make themselves feel better.

This guy isn’t going to change, so don’t bother with threatening to leave him. As PP have said, don’t even give him a heads up or explanation. Don’t give him the opportunity to sweet talk you back into the relationship, because it’s not going to get better.

Post # 12
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Seems like you were correct when you called him an asshole.  Time to leave his sorry butt because that is the only way you will have a healthy relationship.

Post # 13
Member
11140 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

hobbitses :  

Gaslighting.  My first thought.

Post # 14
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

This guy is a dick. 
Period.

Anybody who tells their friends that his gf is on her period so he can’t sleep with her is very immature. I honestly thought you two were in high school until you said you weren’t.

He’s never going to change. Move on, you deserve better.

Post # 15
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

This guy is a dick. 
Period.

Anybody who tells their friends that his gf is on her period so he can’t sleep with her is very immature. I honestly thought you two were in high school until you said you weren’t.

He’s never going to change. Move on, you deserve better.

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