(Closed) How can I make “my house” feel more like “our house”?

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

He could have a room/garage/place in the basement for this stuff. And you two could chose new decorations together that you both like.

I moved in FI’s house a year ago, it’s still an adjustment to make it feel like my place too, even if I LOVE the deco (we chose most things together while dating). Let him have his way when he makes suggestions, make sure to make room for his clothes and stuff before he comes in – the good places, not just places you’d lend to guests…

Keep some kitchen accessories that are his if they’re any good…

hmmm what else??
I think no matter how you do it, only time will make him feel just as much “at home” as you, but if he feels welcome in the house and that he has as much “power” over the decisions as you, it should go well… as for dead animals, if he really doesn’t want to get rid of that, he should also understand you not wanting that in your living room (same thing for you and your girly stuff!)

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

honestly, most guys I know (and have worked with when I was doing interior decorating) really don’t have a huge preference.  My husband for example – he has opinions on furnishings and accessories, but ultimately would be fine with anything I put up, as long as it wasn’t completely feminine and the house stays neat. I wouldn’t worry too much about your Fiance being heartbroken about losing all of those animals.

If I were you, when he moves in, i would try and clear the room first.  Take all of the accessories and everything out of your living room. Just keep things that have to stay – couch, tv, table, what have you.  Then add things in one by one, picking from both your stuff and his stuff.  Don’t just limit yourself to things you find in your living rooms – utilize things from all over both of your houses. It’s easy to get in a rut with what you have and where you put it. I think that if you start from scratch in each room, even just using things you already both own, it’ll feel more like both of you live there.  Good luck! And if you want a good place to put animal faces, the garage or attic is a good bet 😉

Post # 5
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The concept of the “man cave” seems to be getting more popular. Besically a room that he could do whatever with. If you have an office or extra bedroom, he could use that room as his own personal space to decorate as he pleases. You could also let him choose a few things to put around the rest of the house. You could also save some money together to go out and choose new furnature and decor for a few rooms in the house. Just a few peices would make a difference.

It must be very difficult to give up your space, but I’m sure he will appreciate anything you can do to help him feel at home there 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

when i moved in with my fi, he really didn’t care about what i put up. he just let me take anything of his down (including things he loved, those things just went to his cubicle at work) and put my flowery, girly things up. most of the time, as long as us girls are happy, then they’re happy. i like to tell my fi, a happy wife is a happy life! i think he’s finally catching on to it!

Post # 7
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am guessing you might have to find a place to put the dead animals.  You might get lucky with the garage, but there is a possibility they could end up in the house, hopefully the basement.  And while I too wouldn’t want them in my house, you might need to prepare yourself that those are the things that will make him feel like it is “our house” and not “your house.” 

Outside of that, surely he has some things from living single that could be incorporated in to the house.  I started with adding kitchen stuff (like the plates I had helped him pick out) and his books, computer & other office stuff, and then found ways to change the living room decor to degirlify it a bit, and we actually made it into a room I love more.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What about downstairs? Or ONE room? Most women I knwo do NOT dig the dead animals, but appease their husbands by letting them have a room to decorate to manly craziness. For one it was a spare bedroom, for another a second den/living area, another the basement. I let mine have free reign of a bedroom downstairs. It’s going to be forest green with architect tables and sports stuff and military swords and stuff. Whatev. Just not in the living room!

Put some paint up/ it’s done wonders for the our/my house dilemna, as have new appliances.

I have tried to stay away from excessively girly decor in general–i prefer a more masculine, modern, chic sort of look. But as much as “shabby chic” is cute for a spare bedroom, I simply don’t do it.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We are going through this right now.  He moved into my house.  So I told him he could do whatever he wanted to the garage.  I also gave him one of the guest bedrooms upstairs to make into his office.  Then I picked out furniture/artwork of his that I liked that I knew would work in other rooms that we kept and moved to my place.  I also got rid of some of my artwork/furniture to make room for those items I brought from his house.  For example, the gameroom. I had a small tv sitting on a crate.  So we took his nice 32″ flat screen and the console he had with it and put it up there.  So now the gameroom feels like his too.

I also let him pick out some plants for the front yard.  We worked one weekend on planting them together.  He’s proud of the new flowerbed! 🙂

He hated the dining room colors so at Christmas I repainted the room and hung new drapes.  I know it’s hard to give up your decorations that you’ve worked hard shopping for etc. but it was worth it knowing that he is starting to feel like this is his home too. 

Post # 10
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Great post – Fiance moved into my place and I think he still feels like it’s mine, not “ours”. I moved a lot of my things out to make room for his. I changed out some pictures of my friends for pictures of his family and we incorporated a lot of his furniture too, whoever had the best item – that stayed. I had a better coffee table, he had a better TV, etc.

He def. has “dude stuff”, Fiance used to work for a liquor distributor so there’s a lot of neon lights & beer signs in the basement along with a fooze-ball table. I’m actually all for using the table in another room with plexiglass piece to cover it so we can use it as a bar or something. I didn’t want him to throw his things away, so they’re in our basement storage (rented) for now until we can afford our own home & he can have his “Man Land” in the basement.

I think the registry is going to help too. Not my plates, his pans, my knives, his glasses – they’re mostly going to good will or storage to make room for the new stuff that’ll be “our” things.

Post # 11
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I like the idea of clearing out all knick knacks etc from the room before he officially moves in, and make it moving day for both of you.  With just the room and bare furniture, try to arrange the room in a different way and then add back in a mix of accessories that you both choose.  If all else fails, paint always does the trick! 

For the animal heads, see if there aren’t 1 or 2 smaller ones that he could display somewhere in the living room.  If he is a really big hunter, he probably likes to proudly display his “trophies” I am generally not all for the big moose head or deer head, but a small little stuffed something sitting on a shelf doesn’t bother me too much.  Its all about compromise.

Post # 12
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe

What about merging the tow styles?  I’m always really impressed with pictures on Apartment Therapy of rooms that are super feminine and light that suddenly have this really masculine dark piece incorporated in.

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