Post # 1
I’ve seen a few MOH/bridesmaid related posts but none that really answered my question, so here goes –
I’ve been friends with my Maid/Matron of Honor for 10+ years so there was no question that she would get the role. She lives in London & I am currently living on the other side of the world in sunny Singapore. I am having one other bridesmaid who is an incredible friend that I’ve met since living here (we’ve known each other about 1 & 1/2 years now) & she lives 5 minutes down the road from me. The two have met before & got on really well!
My issue is, Maid/Matron of Honor is feeling a little left out of the process so far, which I can completely understand. It’s so easy for my bridesmaid & I to hang out and talk weddings (her boyfriend will be FI’s best man) but for my Maid/Matron of Honor & I to sit & properly chat we have to schedule in a Skype call which usually ends up getting missed because something comes up on either end – the 8 hour time difference doesn’t help! She’s also a bit rubbish at replying to WhatsApp messages which is no problem because she’s super busy with work & I completely understand that.
I would really like to find a way to make her feel more involved with everything. Do any of you have any good suggestions? It’s got to the point where I feel like she doesn’t mention anything anymore & I’m the one that instigates the conversation, which frustrates me because I don’t want to be one of those brides that JUST talks about the wedding constantly. BUT if I don’t mention things I feel like I’m not doing my best to keep her in the know.
FYI she has recently complained to her mum (who then told my mum, the two are very close friends) that she’s feeling left out, but she’s not said any of this to me & I’ve not told her that I know.
Thanks in advance! X
Post # 2
Sorry you’re in this situation, that’s tough. It sounds to be like you both have different expectations of involvement. You seem to want her involved but to do logistics, such as distance, it’s not really possible. Meanwhile she seems to be expecting to be involved a ton. So maybe next time you talk to her simple ask? ‘Hey, I know you can’t fly to Singapore to go dress shopping with me, and being so far away makes this difficult, but what can I do to make you feel more included?’ And see what she says. If she doesn’t answer, well then you tried.
Post # 3
I completely sympathize – I’m living in Copenhagen but my sister/MOH is in California. We have a nine hour time difference, and I agree, it’s next to impossible to ever find a time to talk.
I think it’s helpful to acknowledge out loud how difficult the situation is logistically, ie “I hate that we’re so far apart at such an important time, but I feel so lucky that you’re willing to pull through this with me – I couldn’t go through such an important step without you right by my side. Thank you.” When situational issues are getting in the way of any relationship, I think it’s important to talk about it, making sure to emphasize how commited you still are and connected you still feel to the person in question.
Specific tasks can also be helpful when it’s not so easy to just share a bottle of wine and peruse wedding magazines. Is your Maid/Matron of Honor planning your shower or bachelorette/hen party? Or is she in charge of wrangling up the other bridesmaids’ measurements for dress ordering? Maybe you could ask if she would meet up with your mom (if they’re in the same city) and look at flower arrangements or something for you? If she knows what her job is and when it needs to be done, she might feel a more tangible sense of involvement.
Otherwise, make a serious effort not to let anything conflict with your scheduled Skype dates, and remember to talk about more than just the wedding to ensure your friendship continues to grow in more ways than just through her Maid/Matron of Honor role. Maybe working on the bond between you could ameliorate some of the friction you’re feeling surrounding wedding planning.
That’s what’s helped for us, anyway. Is your wedding in Singapore or London?
Post # 4
I’ve created a wedding pinterest board and shared it with my Maid/Matron of Honor so she can pin things too. It’s fun because I can say hey, check out the flowers/dress/hair/whatever I just pinned when you have time, let me know what you think!
Post # 5
Thank you that’s a great suggestion, I think I was just hoping to not have to ask?! I have a feeling that might make her feel a bit uncomfortable but it seems like the logical thing to do. Lately she’s been making remarks like “I feel like such a crap Maid/Matron of Honor because I’m not doing anything” to which I jokingly reply that there’s nothing much to be done at the moment (we haven’t even booked the venue yet, but should be doing that this weekend), but it makes me feel so guilty as if it’s me doing something wrong?
**spoiler alert** I’m a very sensitive person haha
Post # 6
It’s so nice to hear from someone in the same situation! Yes, time difference can be a real b*tch haha
Acknowledging the situation is definitely something that could help & I think she would really appreciate me mentioning it, to be honest I don’t know why I hadn’t said something like that already! Having a “job” to keep her busy seemed like a good idea to me too – when we were messaging a few days ago I asked if she could have a think about ways we could personalise the day, but she read the message, ignored it and replied to one I’d send before that. Slightly frustrating.
Our wedding will actually be in Thailand, just to make everything more difficult! It will be a small celebration (no more than 50 people) so in response to your question regarding a bridal shower/hen party I’m not too sure!
Meanwhile my Fiance says we should just elope and avoid the drama. Not helping haha
Post # 7
I love that idea!! I’m already a bit of a Pinterest addict & have a secret board with my mum – I’ll have to get Maid/Matron of Honor on there & start one with her
thanks so much for your suggestion!