(Closed) How can I make my MOH feel more involved?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Florida

Sorry you’re in this situation, that’s tough. It sounds to be like you both have different expectations of involvement. You seem to want her involved but to do logistics, such as distance, it’s not really possible. Meanwhile she seems to be expecting to be involved a ton. So maybe next time you talk to her simple ask? ‘Hey, I know you can’t fly to Singapore to go dress shopping with me, and being so far away makes this difficult, but what can I do to make you feel more included?’ And see what she says. If she doesn’t answer, well then you tried. 

Post # 3
45 posts
  • Wedding: October 2016

I completely sympathize – I’m living in Copenhagen but my sister/MOH is in California. We have a nine hour time difference, and I agree, it’s next to impossible to ever find a time to talk.

I think it’s helpful to acknowledge out loud how difficult the situation is logistically, ie “I hate that we’re so far apart at such an important time, but I feel so lucky that you’re willing to pull through this with me – I couldn’t go through such an important step without you right by my side. Thank you.” When situational issues are getting in the way of any relationship, I think it’s important to talk about it, making sure to emphasize how commited you still are and connected you still feel to the person in question.

Specific tasks can also be helpful when it’s not so easy to just share a bottle of wine and peruse wedding magazines. Is your Maid/Matron of Honor planning your shower or bachelorette/hen party? Or is she in charge of wrangling up the other bridesmaids’ measurements for dress ordering? Maybe you could ask if she would meet up with your mom (if they’re in the same city) and look at flower arrangements or something for you? If she knows what her job is and when it needs to be done, she might feel a more tangible sense of involvement.

Otherwise, make a serious effort not to let anything conflict with your scheduled Skype dates, and remember to talk about more than just the wedding to ensure your friendship continues to grow in more ways than just through her Maid/Matron of Honor role. Maybe working on the bond between you could ameliorate some of the friction you’re feeling surrounding wedding planning.

That’s what’s helped for us, anyway. Is your wedding in Singapore or London?

Post # 4
221 posts
Helper bee

I’ve created a wedding pinterest board and shared it with my Maid/Matron of Honor so she can pin things too. It’s fun because I can say hey, check out the flowers/dress/hair/whatever I just pinned when you have time, let me know what you think!

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