(Closed) how can I miss you if you won’t go away?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have you communicated your frustration with him?  Have you suggested that he goes out with his friends once in a while?

ETA-  I guess I read this differently than the other ladies did.  While I agree that he should be looking harder for a job, I think you should talk to him about all the things you’ve mentioned in your post.  He might not realize that you don’t think he’s looking hard enough for a job, or that he’s driving you crazy being at home all of the time.

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

What’ll you do when you retire? (Just kidding!)

I suggest you tell him – “Honey, vacation time is over, go look for a job NOW!”

Post # 5
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ah, I understand this feeling.  I love being with my Fiance, but once in awhile we all need some “me” time.  I would let him know your frustrations.  Ask him to give you a little space and time to unwind after work.  I’m sure he’s just really bored when you are gone all day.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah, he needs a swift kick in the ass, vacation time is over, time to get it in gear.

Post # 7
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Tell him, “No sex for you, unless you get busy finding a J.O.B.!”

Post # 8
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh, honey, I hear you so loud.  FI is 100% disabled, so he is home all the time.  He does get disability, so we don’t need me to work, but it’s more comfy.  Well, I lost my job in November.  From November until February, I was at home.  I couldnt get a thing done.  We live in a 700sqft house, and it was ridiculous.  He was constantly bugging me, constantly complaining.  I couldn’t stand being there!  I got a job to save our relationship!!!!

Are there any volunteer jobs he can do until he gets another job?  Or some sort of a hobby that he can develop??

Post # 9
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@melisslp:  Not a good idea to with hold sex, he has tons of time to go elsewhere!

Post # 10
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I went through something similar. Darling Husband didn’t have a job for most of 2011, he did have a job that was like 10 hours a week but that’s it. He was home all the time. He drove me absolutely crazy. All hobbies cost $$ & we didn’t have the extra $$ to spend. He applied to probably around 100 jobs total, but here its hard to get hired on (high unemployment rate).

I remember this: He felt TERRIBLE he didn’t have a job & may have gone into slight depression from it. I think it hurt him more than it did me but at the time, I felt like I was the one who was “suffering” from his lack of a job.

What helped: He had to apply to X jobs a day, or fill out X number of applications online. All that job searching can seem like a job in itself! He was in charge of making dinner, or at least planning it. He got to do the household chores.

What I did: in my free time I found jobs that would match him perfectly & emailed them to him. Then texted him when I emailed him so he’d look at it right away. I also reassured him a lot more than normal.

Don’t withold sex, he probably feels bad enough not having a job & that would just make things worse.

Post # 12
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Darling Husband sounds a lot like yours, except he has a job so at least we get breaks from each other sometimes and he has always been pretty good about finding and keeping a job. Still, I don’t feel like I get enough ME time cuz my Darling Husband is too clingy. Has he had other relationships in his life aside from you? I was actually my DH’s first and only serious relationship so I’m thinking that has something to do with his behavior. I also largely think that part of it is due to his personality. He really likes to stay in a lot and lounge around the house and I don’t as much.

My Darling Husband used to work the graveyard shift and I have always worked daylight hours, but he recently got a new job working daylight hours so now we are trying to adjust to spending even more time together.

I think you need to stress the importance of your ME time to your Darling Husband. I try to do that with mine and it seems to help the most. I tell him that I need at least 20-30 minutes of time to myself everyday which is true. It’s my unwinding time and it helps me to stay sane. He really should be spending most of his time looking for a job though cuz my Darling Husband treated his job hunt like a second job and that is how he got his new job. Instead of withholding sex, I think you need to communicate to him just how important it is to you for him to get motivated with the job hunt. Now that you guys are married, you are sharing all of your income and he needs to put in his share. Hopefully you won’t have to leave him over this, but if you’re considering it then you should tell him that so he knows how big of a deal it is to you.

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