Post # 1
Darling Husband and I used to have alot of time apart since he worked a monday-friday job and I am a nurse who works 12 hr shifts, mostley nights. I never realized how much I value that me time until now because Darling Husband has been unemployed since January1st and he’s driving me bloody bonkers.
Lets not start on how I think he is the lest effective job searcher ever, thank god we only really NEED my income but still I’ve been working hard to save and scrimp and pay off for years and now is not the time I want to be argusing with Darling Husband in Old Navy about how I need a new pair of jeans like whoa cause my old ones are falling apart.
My biggest issues is the guy is bored and doesnt get it and he is under foot ALL THE TIME. He doesnt really hang out with anyone local and has no hobbies to speak of unless you think computer games are a hobby but i need to get him the eff out of the house before I kill him.
I come home from a night shift and he wants to “snuggle” in bed with me wasting half his day and ruining my sleep and then gets offended when I make him go away. He’s also following me around like a horny dog trying to have sex with me ALL THE TIME. I am tired. I am still working 12 hour days/nights. I do not have all day to sit at home and fantasize. Thanks but no thanks. And he takes it very personally when I tell him to leave me be (nicely of course)
Bees what the heck do i DO? how can I miss this guy if he wont leave?? This is making me crazy and wanting to kill the nicest guy in the world. Halp.
Post # 3
Have you communicated your frustration with him? Have you suggested that he goes out with his friends once in a while?
ETA- I guess I read this differently than the other ladies did. While I agree that he should be looking harder for a job, I think you should talk to him about all the things you’ve mentioned in your post. He might not realize that you don’t think he’s looking hard enough for a job, or that he’s driving you crazy being at home all of the time.
Post # 4
What’ll you do when you retire? (Just kidding!)
I suggest you tell him – “Honey, vacation time is over, go look for a job NOW!”
Post # 5
Ah, I understand this feeling. I love being with my Fiance, but once in awhile we all need some “me” time. I would let him know your frustrations. Ask him to give you a little space and time to unwind after work. I’m sure he’s just really bored when you are gone all day.
Post # 6
Yeah, he needs a swift kick in the ass, vacation time is over, time to get it in gear.
Post # 7
Tell him, “No sex for you, unless you get busy finding a J.O.B.!”
Post # 8
Oh, honey, I hear you so loud. FI is 100% disabled, so he is home all the time. He does get disability, so we don’t need me to work, but it’s more comfy. Well, I lost my job in November. From November until February, I was at home. I couldnt get a thing done. We live in a 700sqft house, and it was ridiculous. He was constantly bugging me, constantly complaining. I couldn’t stand being there! I got a job to save our relationship!!!!
Are there any volunteer jobs he can do until he gets another job? Or some sort of a hobby that he can develop??
Post # 9
@melisslp: Not a good idea to with hold sex, he has tons of time to go elsewhere!
Post # 10
I went through something similar. Darling Husband didn’t have a job for most of 2011, he did have a job that was like 10 hours a week but that’s it. He was home all the time. He drove me absolutely crazy. All hobbies cost $$ & we didn’t have the extra $$ to spend. He applied to probably around 100 jobs total, but here its hard to get hired on (high unemployment rate).
I remember this: He felt TERRIBLE he didn’t have a job & may have gone into slight depression from it. I think it hurt him more than it did me but at the time, I felt like I was the one who was “suffering” from his lack of a job.
What helped: He had to apply to X jobs a day, or fill out X number of applications online. All that job searching can seem like a job in itself! He was in charge of making dinner, or at least planning it. He got to do the household chores.
What I did: in my free time I found jobs that would match him perfectly & emailed them to him. Then texted him when I emailed him so he’d look at it right away. I also reassured him a lot more than normal.
Don’t withold sex, he probably feels bad enough not having a job & that would just make things worse.
Post # 11
@melisslp: i know eh?!?! I think he seriously thinks about all the stuff he wants to do to me all damned day long and saves it up. I accused him of having followed me to work and knocked over a pharmacy for viagra lol Usuallly he looks at porn on the computer and …but “entertains” himself but he hasnt been! I checked! what the hell has he been doing all day?? LMAO One day Ima come home to a herd of oragami farm animals and him wearing a tin foil hat lol
@KatyElle: oh boy have we been here…We have had several blow outs but the man is unskilled and HATES school. Doesnt quite get yet that to make the bucks you have to have some sort of skills other than picking up a phone politely esp in this market where jobs are scarce. I think this will end up with him back in school. I hope anyways.
@canthugallcats: I am afraid of this, I dont want him to feel bad but I dont want to give him license to sit on his ass all day either. I want to toe the line between “supportive” and “this chick is pissing me off, better find a job so I dont have to listen to her anymore” lol
Darling Husband is seriously unmotivated, always has been. It sucks because I am very motivated and accomplished and I dont always get that he isnt and doesnt seem to need the degrees and responsible type job that I seem to go for. He’s way too smart to work as a call center drone and never stays happy and challenged long and wont be able to find a job that stimulates him without some sort of training!
Thanks all you ladies for youre replies, fingers crossed…
Post # 12
My Darling Husband sounds a lot like yours, except he has a job so at least we get breaks from each other sometimes and he has always been pretty good about finding and keeping a job. Still, I don’t feel like I get enough ME time cuz my Darling Husband is too clingy. Has he had other relationships in his life aside from you? I was actually my DH’s first and only serious relationship so I’m thinking that has something to do with his behavior. I also largely think that part of it is due to his personality. He really likes to stay in a lot and lounge around the house and I don’t as much.
My Darling Husband used to work the graveyard shift and I have always worked daylight hours, but he recently got a new job working daylight hours so now we are trying to adjust to spending even more time together.
I think you need to stress the importance of your ME time to your Darling Husband. I try to do that with mine and it seems to help the most. I tell him that I need at least 20-30 minutes of time to myself everyday which is true. It’s my unwinding time and it helps me to stay sane. He really should be spending most of his time looking for a job though cuz my Darling Husband treated his job hunt like a second job and that is how he got his new job. Instead of withholding sex, I think you need to communicate to him just how important it is to you for him to get motivated with the job hunt. Now that you guys are married, you are sharing all of your income and he needs to put in his share. Hopefully you won’t have to leave him over this, but if you’re considering it then you should tell him that so he knows how big of a deal it is to you.