Post # 1
I feel so conflicted writing this. I honestly don’t know what to do, and I’d love to hear opinions. Part of me thinks I know the answer, but then there’s still part of me that hopes that there’s a different one.
My dad remarried, and I have two older step sisters. In 2011, my step mom passed away. Since then, my eldest step sister is… well she’s a bitch to me. She deleted me off facebook, accused me of being selfish, doesn’t consider me family any more, and wants nothing to do with me. I’m hurt by this, but I’ve accepted that during her greiving, she decided she only wanted her ‘family’ to be her immediate family. She still considers my older blood sister to be her ‘sister’ though. Just not me and my brother. I have not had a good intereaction with her in over a year, and most of them have been her bashing me and my life choices, and how she’s always sat silent while watching me think I’m all that, and other things. She honestly has nothing nice to say towards me.
My younger step sister has remained close with me. She still considers my family apart of her family, and we have a pretty decent relationship still. Her and her husband have always been super nice and wonderful towards me, and even more so since her mom passed away. While my older step sister seems to think she’s the only one who’s allowed to hurt and miss my step mom, my younger step sister has really helped us all through this time, and realizes that we hurt just as much.
It’s time for us to do invites. Is it wrong for me to not invite my older step sister and her son, but invite my younger one? I don’t see any reason to invite someone who’s rude and mean towards me and my life. I don’t want her there, I don’t want her to have anything to do with me and my wedding. But I want her sister there. Infact, I want her sister to have a role in our wedding ceremony (lighting a memorial candle). I know that it’s wrong to invite one sister and not the other, espeically because in my heart I still consider them my step sisters, even if the oldest one doesn’t. However, I don’t want someone like that to be at my wedding. Part of me thinks she won’t accept the invite, but I don’t want to give her the option to even be at my wedding. Why would I watnt to pay for the meal of someone who’s been so mean to me? Shouldn’t my wedding be full of the people whom I love and want their support and love?
Bees, what do you think? Do I have to invite her if I’m inviting the rest of my ‘family’ (including her sister, and my step siblings on my moms side)?
Post # 4
How old is she and how close is she with very one else? If she’s an adult and kind of estranged then I wouldn’t invite her. But depending on who she has a relationship with in the rest of the family, you might want to consider wether the potential drama is worth it over one invitation.
Post # 5
Wellllllll… If she’s been an asshat to you for the past few years, chances are she won’t take you up on the invitation. She’s the one being immature. How would you feel if she did an about face, and realized the error of her ways? Sending an invite at least allows a modicum of a chance for that to happen, but if you send her nothing, that pretty much seals the deal that you guys will not be reconciling ever.
I can’t tell you what to do though. I had a similar scenario with my father. I wound up inviting him, and he wound up not coming. Point taken, and I live my life accordingly. But I’ve never stooped to his level.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Well, I think you should invite her (to save face and take the higher road), but do you think she would go to the wedding, given the way she treats you? Is she the type to attend, as a “booyah-in your face” thing? Have you talked to your dad about it? If I were in the same situation as you, I would be struggling as well. Big hugs!
Post # 7
@MsJ2theZ: She still lives with my father (she lived with him and my step mom before she passed), and she’s really close with her sister (my younger step sister), and my blood sister. She is only rude towards me and my brother. But mostly me. She’s an adult, in her 30’s. She’s just chosing to be a bitch towards me.
@StuporDuck: I don’t want her in my life at this point. She’s not someone I would be friends with if we weren’t ‘family’. But I still consider her family. I grew up with her as my older sister. I don’t know if I want to reconcille with her. I just… Part of me doesn’t want to give her the power in this, to decide if she wants to come or not. I want to be able to stay strong, and not wonder what she’s going to do, and if she does come, how she’s going to behave throughout the wedding.
Post # 9
Being a bitch to you is one thing but if she has really expressed that she doesn’t want to be a part of your life then I would respect that by not inviting her.
Death can do really crazy things to people. I wish it were different for your family.
Post # 10
What age were you when your father remarried? Did you ever live with them? I have some people who are technically step-siblings but I hardly know them because mum remarried well after I married.
You can certainly do that. If you never lived with them I think it’s clear cut, it’s just like friends and you can certainly invite a friend and not her sister. If you did live with them I can see the sense of obligation, but she’s deliberately shut you out of her life so I see no reason to invite her.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
just invite her- odds are, she won’t come
Post # 12
All of my replies are getting grabbed by the spam filter =/ I’m hoping they come up soon. If not, I’ll reply again
Post # 13
@MsJ2theZ: She is in her 30’s, and her and her 13 year old son still live with my father (they lived with my step mom and my dad). She’s still close to my dad, my other step sister, and my blood sister. She’s just chosen to cut me and my brother out. My brother because he didn’t celebrate Christmas with us all last year, and me because I’m ‘selfish’ in her eyes.
Post # 14
I’d say no, don’t invite her. You guys sound like there isn’t even a relationship left to salvage so why bother? That probably would just open you up to insults from her about what the invitation looked like!
Post # 15
@StuporDuck: Part of me doesn’t want to give her the power to chose, you know? I like that at this point, I have all the power about her getting an invite or not, and I’d hate to give it to her, to chose to not come or not, as I see myself getting wrapped up in it. I wouldn’t be heartbroken if she didn’t come, but I think I woud be upset if she did and made a scene. And I don’t know if I want to reconcille. It’s hard to think about having a postitive realtionship with someone who tells you that you’re selfish and rude and only think of yourself, and am spoiled and a bitch.
Post # 16
Yeah, I wouldn’t invite her.