(Closed) How can I remove a BM from the wedding party?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Assume she has removed herself, and keep planning without her.

Post # 4
47 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

Agreed.  Barring some kind of medical and/or family emergency, I would assume dodging calls means she’s taken herself out.

Post # 5
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would also assume that she’s removed herself from the wedding party.

Post # 6
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How long has she been avoiding your phone calls? Maybe she is just need some space because she is dealing with other things right now. I would give her some time and wait and see if you hear from her in the next week or two. But if you don’t, I would just assume she doesn’t wish to be in the wedding party any longer and move on with out her. 

Post # 7
46461 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends on how many messages you have left and over what period of time.

If you are confident that you have given her enough time to respond even if there were some kind of emergency and she had to be out of town, I would still leave her another message.

I would say that I was disappointed that I had not heard back from her and that unless she called by a certain date, I am assuming that she has withdrawn as a bridesmaid.

Post # 8
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i would also assume she removed herself and stop calling—go on with plans minus her…the immature things people do make me itch-if she didnt want to be a bridemaid all she had to do was tell you.

Post # 10
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Maybe leave her one last voicemail giving her the option to remove herself from the wedding, in an understanding way.  She may be more comfortable calling you back if you have already brought up the “elephant in the room” topic.  Just explain that you understand if she cant/wont be in the wedding but that you NEED to know so you can continue to plan your special day with or without her. 

If she doesnt respond to that, assume she is out.

Post # 12
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think she has removed herself. I would call her and leave her a message saying that it’s okay that she won’t be in the bridal party and that you understand, and not to worry about it. But to please give you a call because you’ve been worried. That takes the pressure off both of you and ensures that she’s all right.

Post # 13
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

In this age of cell phones and remote e-mail, I don’t care if there is an emergency. A text message of “Oh, please consider me still in!” takes under a minute to type and press send.

The only reasons I can see her not responding are if she’s had to leave the country for an emergency, or she is in the hospital.

Post # 14
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry this is happening. This is what I would do (and actually I DID do it and it worked like a gem). Write her an email so you have it in writing. In the email, say that you are worried about her since she hasn’t responded to anyone who has been trying to contact her, but regardless the deadline for the dress is X date so unfortunately she won’t be able to be in the wedding if the order isn’t placed by then. Then text/facespace message her to let her know that you wrote her an email. AT that point, you will know for sure she got it.

That way, you only have to wait until that deadline then you know for sure if she’s in or out, no more questions. Then if she resurfaces with some story/excuse, you can forward her the email again and say you’re sorry but that was the deadline and you just can’t understand how she could go for 3+ weeks without responding to you so it’s for the best. 

I did this to my Bridesmaid or Best Man and she actually resurfaced on the actual deadline date. The email made her realize how serious the situation was and that I was putting an end to her silence/avoiding me. Her order was placed that day and it was the end of the stressful situation. I was also about to contact her Mom to see if she was still alive, I was overall worried about her!

Post # 15
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think that is a great start… but you may want to add something about the actual issue so that she doesnt just ignore you again…

Maybe when I call I can say: Hi Bridesmaid or Best Man. I am beginning to worry if everything is okay with you. Please call me back and let me know if you need help with anything.  If you are having a personal issue or an issue with being in my wedding, I would love to be an ear for you! no pressure, I miss you!

I think your best bet is to flat out say something about her ignoring you OR about “being released” from her duties.  Again, expose the elephant!! It will open the door for discussion.

Good Luck!

Post # 16
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If your Future Mother-In-Law is her stepmother… does that make her your FI’s step-sister? Are you bound to run into her at a family function any time soon? She may just be at a loss of what to say or do. I hope it goes smoothly for you!

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