(Closed) How can I respond to these comments politely?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have trouble with this too. I usually something like, “Sadly, our venue has limited space and my family is so big that they take up most of the guest list.” Then I usually add something like, “Good thing FI’s family is small or we’d seriously have to elope!” in a kind of jokey tone. That way, I don’t have to directly say “you’re not invited” but I can convey that we have limited spots available.

Post # 4
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’ve had people make those kinds of comments too.  I tend to just smile and not respond.  Those kinds of comments are rude, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or feel you have to explain your guest list to them or make excuses. 

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would say something like “we would LOVE if ALL of our friends could celebrate with us at our wedding but unfortunately our budget forced us to do a small mostly family wedding.” 

Post # 6
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m getting lots of those comments, too. Frown Ironically, these are usually people to whom I’ve not even mentioned the wedding so they must have heard it from someone else (I don’t even wear an engagement ring). I simply smile and respond, “Oh, wow. I am so flattered that you would like to celebrate our day with us! Unlike so many couples, we both wanted an intimate wedding with only our families and very closest friends, so we’re having exactly that. But wow! Thank you for even thinking of us, that is so kind of you.”

 

I make it a point not to discuss the wedding plans with people that I know will not be invited and especially on Facebook! Realistically, a wedding is a celebration and to some, just a big party and nobody wants to hear about the party and not be invited. So I just save the plans and details for my coordinator, friends and relatives and leave other folks out of it. That also means not having bridal magazines on my desk at work or asking for DJ recommendations from uninvited people, etc. I think that is the most polite thing to do.

Post # 7
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

You are not respoonsible for people’s expectations. Just smile and make a non-commital comment. The nearer the wedding is, then you can say the guest list is out of control or something like that.

Post # 8
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with Loribeth, those comments are really rude, and I just smiled and shrugged them off.  I have an aquaintence who kept telling me how excited she was for my wedding, and I knew she wasn’t going to be invited.  So I politely told her that between my Darling Husband and I we only had 50 spots of friends to fill.  Since most of our friends are in relationships, that really only meant 25, which meant that each of us had 12 people we could invite.  I didn’t come right out and say she wasn’t invited, but I explained the situation, hoping she would get the hint.  Well she didn’t.  And to this day she still bitches to a mutual friend that she didn’t get invited.  Also, she has never said one thing to me since the wedding.  I just feel if she wasn’t trying to create drama (which she is known for doing), she would have said something to my face about it, but instead she just bitches behind my back.  I mean, seriously?  It’s been 6 months.  Get over it.

Post # 9
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I say something like:  “You are so sweet!  I wish we could invite everyone we wanted to, but decided to have a very small wedding.  FI’s not even inviting some of his relatives!!”

Somehow that line about the relatives puts it into perspective for the person.

 

Post # 10
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

Uggh!! I am going through this too. Luckily my date is much later than yours so when I hear it, I sorta just laugh it off. I know not good, but I am just hoping they forget about my wedding between now and then. I try to avoid all wedding talk when we get together but someone always brings it up. I am compelled to avoid all get-togethers until the wedding is over.

By the way, these folks are mostly grad school classmates and their wives. During school I would’ve considered them more than just acquaintances. We had gotten very close especially during the program (lack of sleep and foreign countries can do that to students). However, it’s been over a year since graduation and it will be almost 2 years by the date of the wedding. Eventhough our class gets together every 6 months I have now categorized them as acquaintances.

Post # 11
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

FH and I are under budget quite a bit, only we know that. Under budget does not mean increase guest list, NO WAY JOSE!!!!  We want a small intimate wedding ceremony/reception.  Small intimate to us is 100-120 ppl.  Both he and I have received comments and we say almost exactly what @oracle: has written – fewer words and yes def. add the part about the relatives. Simple sweet to the point and they can’t ask questions in return!!

“We wish we could invite everyone we want. We have decided to have a small intimate celebration.  We aren’t inviting some relatives. I know you understand…”

Post # 12
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just think it’s so rude of people to make those sorts of comments. Friends of mine got married this year and originally my SO was not going to be invited (at that point, they were only inviting partners of those friends engaged or married). I won’t say that I didn’t feel down about it but there’s absolutely no point in kicking up a stink. A change in their circumstances meant that he could come to the wedding also but if that had not been the case I would have been graceful about attending alone. Regardless of what you tell people, they should have the decency to accept the fact they are not invited.

“Oh, that’s nice. Well I look forward to seeing the pictures of your special day when you get them then!”

Or maybe I’m a sucker. I ended up planning a bachelorette for a girl who is inviting no friends to her wedding.

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