Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor keeps telling me she has an idea for a bachelorette party but she will not tell me what it is or when it will happen.
I keep asking her to tell me something but she just thinks is funny and is all like “youll have to wait and seeeee!”
I was looking for dresses I might wear and I sent her some pictures to ask if any of them would be appropriate for whatever we’re doing and she said “No silly, I have an outfit for oyu already”
I just do not like where this was going. I have never liked surprises ever. I’m actually a very anxious person and the key for me to being comfortable in social situations is to have a plan ahead of time and know what is going to happen. She KNOWS this about me. but she just thinks this is so much fun to keep it from me.
I keep telling her she needs to tell me but she doesnt take it seriously. How can I make this stop? I am really uncomfortable about it
Post # 3
If it was me, I’d be upset too. Not only because you don’t like surprises she KNOWS you don’t like them. When you choose a Maid/Matron of Honor it’s someone close to you who you want to support you through the wedding process, to stand next to you when you start the next chapter in your life. Not to plan something for you thinking its “funny” and totally disrespecting your wishes.
I’d have a serious talk with her and let her know that you’re disappointed that she’s disregarding your feelings. If she insists tell her that you’ll have no part in being lured into something that makes you feel so uncomfortable. Last resort, you may have to choose someone else that respects your wants.
Post # 4
I avoid surprises not because I have an anxiety about them, but because I am a massive control freak. I already told my Maid/Matron of Honor exactly what I want for my bachelorette party and she knows very well if it deviates I will be upset. My friends just know that about me. It’s not that I’m some diva- I just know what I want.
Maybe you can tell her exactly what your perfect bachelorette party would be and be very firm about it.
Post # 5
Just tell her if you don’t know what’s going on, you won’t be participating and they can have fun having a bachelorette party minus the bride. She’ll catch the hint.
Post # 6
@radishtime: So sorry she is not taking you seriously. Have a talk with her. This is not a time for you to be any more on the edge than you would otherwise be planning a wedding. You need peace and if she can’t provide that, or promises it but then surprises you anyway to satisfy her own whimsy and not yours, she can no longer be your Maid/Matron of Honor, that is how serious you are. Good luck!
Post # 7
Sorry to say that while you may have veto power over most things about your wedding, the shower and bachelorette parties are outside your control. Accept the fact that your friends are doing this for you and trust that they care about you enough to plan something you will love. Ii get being uncomfortable, trust them. You’ll have a great time!
Post # 8
@Nona99: I think there’s a difference between being a controlling person and an anxious person and as the OP said “I’m actually a very anxious person and the key for me to being comfortable in social situations is to have a plan ahead of time and know what is going to happen. “
@radishtime: I’m going to echo what all the PP’s said: Have a talk with her, that as much as it’s fun for her, this is upsetting you and you would rather know what’s going on. And at last resort, if she still has the giggles about it, tell her she can proceed with the bachelorette without you. I’m guessing you’d rather have no bachelorette at all than one that’s causing you this much stress?
Post # 9
@Nona99: I’m sorry but I have to disagree. One absolutely has veto power over their bachelorette no matter who planned it. If I showed up to my surprise bachelorette and there were male strippers there I would absolutely instantly have them removed. She has every right to be comfortable with everything that goes on at a party that is for her. Her feelings and comfort level should 100% be taken into account when planning a party for her.
Post # 11
I think you should just relax and enjoy it! these are your best friends and I assume know you very well, they’re not going to plan something you will absolutely hate. Just have fun!
Post # 12
@AmyFarrahFowler: I second this. I really don’t think a friend you trust and love so much that you would select her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor would plan something that she knows you wouldn’t enjoy. Just relax and go with the flow. Trust your friends.
ETA: Your title says how to stop it and that’s easy. Call your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her you don’t like surprises and therefore won’t be attending unless she tells you exactly what she has planned. Easy peasy. However, be prepared for consequences, such as friendships and your wedding suffering.
Post # 13
I would just try to have an honest tal with her and tell her what you told us, that you’re prone to anxiety and it helps you to be able to map out a plan for each social situation. Just stress that you truly appreciate all the effort that she’s putting into your bachelorette.
Post # 15
Post # 16
@MrsWBS: Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are considered gifts, not mandatory functions, a bride has no more say about those than she does about the weather. Besides, these are her friends. People who love her, I’m sure it will we wonderful, if isn’t, she can aways leave.