(Closed) How can I stop this wedding?

posted 13 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2022 - Holy Family Catholic Church, reception: National Infantry Museum

MightySapphire,

I think you’ve had a great idea.  I’m sure you will get lots of good advice.  I realize now mine was useless. 

I’m going to pray for Mom and her daughter. 

Post # 48
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

oh crabcake- i don’t think yours was useless! There is something everyone can take away from any kind of viewpoint expressed…

Post # 49
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Mom,

I felt like my own mother could have written this post.  i was the daughter you described, and nothing anyone–my friends, my family, anyone–could have pursuaded me that marrying "Mr. Wrong" was a bad idea.

He hated my friends, especially my BFF, as she was the most vocal about how much she disliked him.  He hated my family, and would do everything he could to keep me from seeing them.  It took him getting arrested for domestic violence for me to see the idiocy of where I was and how far I had let things go.  

I can’t tell you what you should do, or what you can do.  I can tell you what my own mom did, and it was to tell me that she loved me with all of her heart, but she could not stand to watch me lower myself so much as to be in a relationship with someone who brought me so low. She told me that I was always welcome in her home, but i was not welcome as long as I was with him.  It wasn’t immediate, and I can honestly say that at first, it pissed me off more than anything in the world, but she made it clear that she loved me, but would not accept someone into her home that treated one of her children with so little respect.

I am for you showing this post to your daughter.  If I had read half of what these bright ladies had written, ladies who had absolutely  no say whatsoever in my own affairs but could see things without the "rose colored glasses" that make even the really ugly seem ok, I might have ended things far sooner.

I also second having her read MightSapphire’s post about abuse.  It may not have escalated to anything beyond emotional, but it always does in the long run.  Educate yourself and your family and know what resources are available in your area.

Many hugs, and kudos to you for doing what you can for your daughter.

Post # 50
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2007

I know this has been done a number of times already, but I’m bumping this post so it appears on the front page with its sister post. This is such an important issue, and the more people see it and comment on it, the better.

To the original poster, know that you and your family are in our thoughts. I hope this all works out well for you and that you can get your daughter into a safe situation soon.

Post # 51
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

Hey Mom,

I really feel for you and your daughter. Sadly, it’s entirely on her to mature (however long it takes) and either live with her decisions to stick it out in this relationship (many women do) or to break up with him which we all know is probably easier said than done.

As much as you oppose this relationship/marriage and HIM, my only suggestion is NOT to alienate him ie. not welcoming to your house because as controlling as he is, he’ll ultimately try to alienate you from her. And if he is manipulative (or even abusive), you want to be in the know of that. She’s going to protect him either way, so atleast this way she is acessible to you.

Post # 53
Member
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Mom- I would again caution you on showing your daughter any posts or columns without first talking to a professional (or a hotline) about best ways to approach your dinner on Thursday.  Rather than seeing it as a last opportunity to make your point, I think you need to set some small realistic goals.  Perhaps someone can help you set those goals.  They may be as simple as her hearing that you love her, and developing a safety plan.

You want to have Thursday be a positive experience for her, not one that she can read as accusatory or negative.  Please talk it over with a professional!

Post # 54
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

Hi mom – I wanted to give you my part because I was in a similar situation.  My family has always been extremely close, but I married a man my parents were not "thrilled" with.  They were honest with me when the situation called for it, but were overall supportive of me.  I married the man, had two children and we divorced 8 years later. I never realized how much my family was biting their tongues until after.  They accepted him because they wanted me and that was (to quote my parents) the price they had to pay.  When my world crashed down around me they were there and I am forever grateful.  I’m not sure that you can stop this wedding, but just understand that even if you don’t, your daughter will need you.  She may have to see for herself that she deserves better, but pushing her away now may make her think twice about coming to you later. 

I’m so sorry that you are going through this and I hope that your daughter can really hear what you are saying and see that it comes from your heart.  You’ll be in my thoughts. 

Post # 55
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I hope dinner went well tonight! I was thinking about you and your family while I was eating chicken and rice!

Post # 57
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Good luck Mom — this is a tough situation to be in. Just know that we’re all thinking about  you and praying for you and your daughter. Stay strong and shower her in love. She’ll thank you for it in the end. (I’m just now really learning that my mother is ALWAYS right!)

Post # 58
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

Just let the words come from your heart…  You’ve got a hive full of women sending you courage and strength!

Post # 59
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Mom – I have nothing to add nor advice to give, but just want to let you know that my thoughts are with you and your family.

Post # 61
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It sounds like things went "well" last night.  If you didn’t prevent the move entirely, take comfort in the fact that you have opened her eyes to the signs of an abuser, and I am sure you gave her a ton to think about and look out for. 

I hope your daughter, with your love and support, will find the strength to remove herself from this dangerous situation.

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