Post # 1
Thanks to some pretty Amazing Bees, I finally found the Perfect E-ring!
But there’s a problem! How do I get to notify the BF about ‘The Ring’ so as to avoid him getting me something else.
Let me explain: The BF and I are LDC (a Long Distance Couple; me in Africa, he in England) hence chances or opportunities for me to drop hints are slim. 🙁
So ladies and men, do please share your ideas as to how to let him in on my dream E-ring without ‘exposing’ myself.
The BF has spoken about us getting married when he returns (in 2013). Yipppppeeee! I love him to bits but I don’t want to seem unappreciative if he proposes with something else…
Post # 3
I would be open and honest about what you want. IMO, marriage is all about communication – you should be comfortable enough to talk to your SO about what you’re thinking.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Have you two talked about your future plans and how your relatyionship fits into that plan? Has marriage come up as a serious topic of conversation? Without knowing where you two are in your discussion process, it’s hard to give helpful advice.
Post # 5
@AlwaysSunny: Thanks. I know that and i have an amazingly honest sharing relationship but I hear some men get hurt when such discussions are brought up and that it’s ruin the surprise??!
Post # 6
@lovekiss: oh darling, yes! I stated that in my post dear. 2013.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Sorry, I missed that part. If the topic is on the table for discussion, then just send him a link to the ring that makes your heart skip a beat. Let him know that you really like this ring and what particular elements are appealing so that he knows what your key points are. That way, even if he doesn’t get you that exact ring, he knows which elements of it are the most important to have in a ring.Like, is it the double halo, does it have to be a citrine or would another yellow stone work, would you like any other colors instead of yellow, would you like a diamond center with a gemstone halo, do you love that the stones go down the side of the band, metal preference, etc.
BTW…. have you actually tried this or a similar ring on? Styles that I loved on screen ended up looking all wrong on my hand. So if you haven’t actually tried anything like this on, you may want to do so before you send him any information about the ring. Just to be sure, you know?
Honestly I find the whole “surprise” thing to be a bit ridiculous. This is a rather expensive purchase and a hugely significant decision in your lives. Why should any of that be a surprise?
Post # 8
I agree with lovekiss. Yes, it is to be his gift to you. But IMO, if you have to wear that ring until you’re dead in the ground then I think it’s fair that you have some say in it. It should be something you love from the man you love. 🙂
My ring is currently in progress. That said, about a year and a half ago, SO asked me what kind of styles I liked most. What ended up happening a few months ago is that he had me work with the jeweler directly to get the design right. We selected my center stone together. Once I approved the final CAD of the design, the jeweler stopped contact. The rest is now in SO’s hands since he wants what is left of the process to be a surprise.
I’d say keep communication open…especially going into marriage. Bring it up and see what he says. Good luck and keep us updated!
Post # 9
@AlwaysSunny: +1.. How do you think FI knew exactly what I wanted? I’d just send him a link to it, and say “I know we were talking abotu making things official, and I found this and am certain it is exactly what i’d love to have”
Post # 10
Show him, send him the link! Just make sure he is ok with it and likes it as well, don’t demand he buy it 🙂
Post # 11
@LadyRocks: I flat out gave my boyfriend the link and my size. I said here’s the ring I want and here’s my size. I did my research on my own. We talked of going together in person to a store, but frankly this was much easier!
No hints were necessary. I do not believe in pussy footing around it or refraining from “exposing” one’s self. That’s nonsense to me! That is the ring he got for me.
Ours was a very open process. We knew the season/year we planned to get engaged. It was still all a surprise.
Post # 12
Only you can tell if you need to send a link to the ring you want. My DH didn’t drop a single hint that engagement was on its way, so he completely surprised me, and as such, had no real input on what kind of ring I wanted. I have to say, he picked something that is not at all like I’d have picked for myself if I’d been shopping for an engagement ring. But it’s absolutely perfect, and I can’t imagine a ring that I would like better than what he gave me. He did ask a few of our mutual girl pals for advice, which I’m sure helped. Knowing that he chose this ring specially for me, without any hints from me, makes it that much more meaningful to me.
So really it’s up to you. If you think your guy can come up with a surprise that delights you, then sit back and let him do it. You might end up with something completely different than you’d had in mind— which is not always a bad thing! But if it’s important to you to have that exact ring then you will just need to choose your words so that you don’t come off as demanding or fussy.
Post # 13
When my FI started talking more seriously about marriage *(as in, HIM initiating the convos as opposed to ME haha) I basically said “if I get engaged without a ring, how will all the dirty old men know that I’m off limits??” He said that of course he would be getting me a ring, and I asked if he’d like some ideas of what styles I’m into to make it easier for him. I would never ever send him a link to a ring and demand that I get that exact one, but if you send him the picture as an example of what style you’re into he might get it, or he might get something similar (or perhaps go to Tiffany and buy the Soleste…)
My FI did not end up getting anything similar to what I suggested, but he did respond with something that had two of the design elements that made my ring of choice appeal to me in the first place. I didn’t LOVE the ring that he picked all that much, but I countered with a picture of a ring that had elements from both rings. He ended up saying that he was either going to pick the third ring, or the one I initially chose. He picked the third one and I wasn’t disappointed at all, because the second I put it on I saw how much it represented our individual styles put together. I hope this helps. I really do think that it’s best to communicate openly, but also to give him the chance to pick it out himself (or at least feel like he has a part in it beyong ponying up the cash) with some guidance from you.
Post # 14
Oh well! Thanks everyone. I gues I’d think about all you have said and work with it.
The Bees are the Best and Good Luck to everyone!
Thanks for sharing!!!!!
Post # 15
@LadyRocks: I’d just saying something like this:
“Hi darling, I’ve been thinking about how you said we would get engaged when we’re together again, and I couldn’t help but look at some engagement rings. I really love this one [insert link]. Of course I’d be happy with anything you got me, but just in case you were hoping for a hint of what I like, here ya go :)”
So make it lighthearted and a bit cheeky and if you do indeed have an open, honest relationship he shouldn’t get mad.
My boyfriend and I are selecting the ring together. I let him know early on that I want to be a part of the process.
Post # 16
When my FI and I started to talk more seriously about marriage and the “proposal”, I sent him a couple of links to rings that I liked. Then, I sent him a picture of one that was my “dream ring” and I told him what I loved about it. And a few months later he proposed with my dream ring! I love it and I’m not sure if he would have picked out exactly that ring, but there is nothing that I would change about and he’s happy that I’m happy (and glad that he knew what I wanted being that he’s spending A LOT of money on the item).