(Closed) How can we let our BM/MOH make toasts without letting parents?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think your plan should work out fine. Fwiw, I’ve never personally attended a wedding where anyone made a toast besides the Bridesmaid or Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor and sometimes the couple. All parent toasts are normally done at the Rehearsal Dinner, if at all. 

Post # 4
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

After seeing CaitMarae‘s post I wonder what’s common where you are. Here speeches can go on all night. The last wedding I went to there were 5 speeches. I don’t even know who some of those people were and what the point of their rambling was haha!

I think if it’s clear that it’s just your Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor making a speech and the 2 of you then you may be ok. I would even tell the DJ or whoever is your MC that you don’t want to have any additional speeches and that no one else could go up to speak.

Post # 5
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your DJ is MCing, tell him everything so he can be incharge of the mic and where it goes. He can be the “bad guy” if Future Father-In-Law tries to grab the mic. 

I think your outline sounds good, but it might be a little – I don’t know the word, confusing? – that nothing will be said before the meal. I get where you are coming from with have a secular wedding and not needing/wanting grace. 

A couple of questions: are you going through the buffet line or having a plates brought to you? If you are going through the line, it might be awkward to go to your table, sit down, and then get back up to get food without any “event” (speech/grace/ect) in between. If you are having plates brought to you, it doesn’t matter. 

The only think I might recommend would be to give a very short speech/thank you as soon as you are announced and walk in. The MC could hand you or Mr. Wizard the mic, you say something short like, “Thanks so much everyone for coming. It means so much to us and we are excited to celebrate with all of you. Let’s eat!” and then hand the mic back to the MC and go sit down. I imagine Future Father-In-Law will be at his seat and too far away to try to take the mic. 

 

Post # 7
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you having a rehearsal dinner? Could you let Future Father-In-Law give a speech (not grace) then? Yes, it might be drawn out and rambling, but if he gets it out the night before, he will probably be less likely to try something the day of the actual wedding. 

ETA: This is making me think more about our wedding and the grace issue too. We are atheists so we don’t need grace but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where grace wasn’t said. I’m nervous how our families will react or if an impromtu Catholic group grace will be said by 3/4 of our guest list. 

Post # 9
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mswizard:  That makes sense then! I’m sure guests will be happy they get to eat right away instead of having to sit through formalities 🙂

Post # 11
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Can your parents give a welcome? My dad gave a welcome toast, thanking everyone for coming, etc. It was a great way to start the evening!

Post # 13
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@mswizard: I understand. Honestly, I think that if your Future Father-In-Law gets to speak at the rehearsal, that should be enough. Most weddings I’ve attended haven’t had any kind of speech from the parents. Only a few. And we really wanted my dad to, so he did, plus he’s a teacher so very used to public speaking.

Let him do his thing at the Rehearsal Dinner, and hopefully that will make him happy!

Post # 14
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re doing what PPs suggested- all family toasts are happening at the rehearsal dinner.  My dad is super excited.  Only Maid/Matron of Honor and Best man are giving toasts at the actual wedding reception.

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