(Closed) How close are you with your MIL/FMIL?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’ve not known each other very long, but I think we like each other in addition to the in-law love. We also have different personalities, but I do admire her a lot. I try to identify interests that we share, and that works. I’m not a very social person, so it helps that she’s very welcoming and more talkative. 

Post # 3
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m not super close to my Future Mother-In-Law, but neither is my Fiance. We get along, but we’re also VERY different people and that’s okay. You can’t force a relationship with someone, so I say if you get along with her, there’s nothing to worry about. Let things happen naturally.

Post # 4
Member
6944 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Very close. I love my Mother-In-Law and call her my second mom. She is the sweetest woman on the planet. I definitely lucked out!

Post # 5
Member
26 posts
Newbee

View original reply
anxietyqueen: We don’t make coffee dates or anything like that but if I happen to be at their place and Fiance is out with his dad then we have no problem hanging out together. We’ll text occasionally and if her and Future Father-In-Law ever go away anywhere, I’m the one she’ll contact to let us know they arrived safely. We’re not besties who spend a big chunk of time together but we do care for each other and I will slit the throat of anyone who hurts that woman.

Post # 6
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
anxietyqueen:  I’ve been with my now husband a total of almost 9 years and still don’t have that “family” feel with my inlaws. It was a rocky start as my Mother-In-Law hated me because we had sex before marriage. How I was treated was something I will never forget. 

I think now we get along fine, I can have conversations with them just fine, we go over there at least once a week to visit. I guess I could classify the relationship as good now. Father-In-Law has always kept out of any drama and he’s always been sweet. 

Post # 7
Member
10561 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I am friendly with my FIs mom. However she lives 4 hours away and I don’t see her very often. She’s a nice lady and always treats me nicely but we aren’t BFFs.

I feel like part of the reason why we aren’t as close is because I was so incredibly close with my ex’s mom. She truly was like a second mother to me, especially since my mother died when I was young. We hung out weekly, went to dinner, shopping, the whole nine yards. Unfortunately, her son was a dick. She knew this and was always very sad about it and often times encouraged me to cut him loose and find someone who would treat me the way I deserved to be treated. She referred to me as her daughter.

When I did finally decide to leave her son it was so incredibly hard because I was so involved with his family. It wasn’t just losing him (which wasn’t really a loss) but I lost his mother too. I couldn’t be friends with her anymore and that was way harder than leaving a guy who treated me like shit.

So, because of this I think in a way I’ve distanced myself from FI’s family in an effort not to get attached in that manner again to someone who may not be permanent.

Post # 8
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My mother in law is horrid and pretty much abandoned my husband and his brother when they were kids. He’s mature enough to be on “good” terms with her and we meet her sporadically when she wants something from us.  I tried my best to foster a good relationship with her in the beginning, but she was never very pleasant with me (passive aggressive, complaining about gifts I got her, rude comments). Now I’m just as polite as I can manage but don’t try to hard to please her or do things with her. In fact, I try to avoid her.

I’m so jealous of people who have great relationships with their in-laws :/

Post # 9
Member
15 posts
Newbee

We are not close at all. But given their general dispositions and negative affect on just about everyone around them that’s not surpirsing. You might try doing some kind of activity that will calm her down, it’s worked for me.

Post # 10
Member
2796 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

She’s absolutely great.  Treated me like family right from the start, is super careful not to stomp on boundaries (she came venue hunting for the wedding with me and asked if I wanted her to stay in the car when we got to the first one – of course I said “absolutely not, I’d love your opinion” and made sure to buy her lunch as she was driving me round!) and we’ve never had any drama at all.  DH has kidney failure (about to start dialysis) and she is bound and determined come hell or high water that he will be getting a transplant kidney; she shares his blood type but even if she can’t donate directly to him she’ll happily donate as part of the kidney exchange program so he can get a donor kidney from someone else.

I do keep in touch with an ex’s mother – however that relationship ended very amicably and we’re still friends (we went to his wedding and he and his wife came to ours); mostly it consists of playing Words with Friends with her but she’d be gutted if I stopped!

Post # 11
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I’m extremely close to my Future Mother-In-Law, a lot closer than I am with my own mother. We eat, shop, and drink together! We’ve even been on vacations without my Fiance together. I definitely lucked out! Just give it time, and just try to be present when you’re around her. Suggest activities that she can’t talk or jump around much like massages, getting nails done, or movies. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the time and effort spent together.

Post # 12
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My Future Mother-In-Law and I are very close. We go shopping and get lunch and do lots of things together fairly often. I love her dearly like a second mother/friend. Everyone tells us how amazing it is that we spend time together like that. However, she can be incredibly controlling, bossy, pushy, etc and we have had many times where things were not pretty between us. My Future Mother-In-Law sounds just like yours and I sound just like you. In general we get along well when she isn’t being overly pushy but I definitely have to let A LOT of stuff she does or says go or else there is no way we would have a relationship. Its definitely draining. Even after 8+ years, I think she is still learning that I’m not her and I refuse to be and I’m learning to stand my ground and do me unapologetically.

Post # 13
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

In my mind, we are close – closer than we need to be. In her mind, we’re practically strangers. We are very different people with very different expectations. It has been a little bumpy but we are getting used to each other. Whenever she drives me crazy, I have to remind myself that at least she likes me and is nice. 

Post # 14
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
anxietyqueen:  I have been with my now Fiance for 8 years and while I have always gotten along with my Future Mother-In-Law, it wasn’t until this past year wedding planning that we’e turned a corner and started to become more close. We’re are also opposites (except I’m the loud one 😉 ) and just didn’t have lots of common ground. She also doesn’t have any daughter’s so I have been really trying to include her in the planning process which has helped grow our relationship. 

Post # 15
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
anxietyqueen:  Distance, 2 minutes driving. Relational, not as close as I’d envisioned. I always pictured having a second mom, but it never really happened. I tried to befriend her (tried to initiate coffee/lunch together, cooked her dinner, helped her clean/garden, gave her personalized mother’s day gifts, etc — all the ‘love languages’) and didn’t get so much as a “thank you”, much less a blooming relationship. BUT that’s ok. If she needs anything, she knows she can call me. If I need anything, I know I can call her. But a close friendship? I guess I finally had to let that go.

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