(Closed) How close are you with your MIL/FMIL?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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anxietyqueen:  very close I am pretty lucky. She is however a lot like your Mother-In-Law and I know her pretty well now and her moods lol but I love her. My mum lives abroad and she has been such a rock since we got engaged and in fact since I came into her family. we meet up without my Fiance and she takes me to art gallery exhibitions we both want to see and have brunch and I feel totally at ease. We talk without even my Fiance knowledge whenever we feel like and since the last 3 months leading up to wedding sev times a week.

Family is so so important to me and I made that effort as soon as I met his family. However in my culture you do that and I have always BUT not always felt how I do about my soon to be Mother-In-Law. She has been the closest and the one I have the most love for but I still tried to know the other ones as realised it helps having at least a healthy and relaxed relationship with them. Like 

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slomotion:  I too had a shitty ex and his father asked me to leave him and asked why I stayed! His mother was a different matter lol. But due to my scattered around the world family having his family unit was actually more important than him and then I realised that’s no reason to lump it in the stay category. 

One thing that’s really nice is his mum and sister have my back too and adore  me and should he do something totally out of order I know they would let him know Lol.

i think it would help your anxiety if you started to realise she is that character and prepare for it before you see her and actually make a conscious effort to call her off your own back and find something YOU like doing and invite her just you two on your terms and start to take her as she is and let her be high energy and she needs to let you be you … You both will learn to fall into step with each other. 

Post # 17
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Yeah…no. she is a special brand of crazy. Fh can barely stand her, so I don’t feel bad. 

I never envisioned having a BFF relationship between a fmil. If we could not kill each other while in the same room, that’s all I expected. 

Post # 18
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - City, State

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anxietyqueen:  your reason #2 is very similar to my Future Mother-In-Law and I 😂

However, we are pretty close. I loved her and she’s always been supportive and loving to me and all of her kids. We share the same hobby: cooking, so we usually cook together and talk much about kitchen and such. 

Post # 19
145 posts
Blushing bee

I get along with my Future Mother-In-Law really well. She is a lovely woman with a big heart who accepted me into her family immediately. I’m so lucky to now have 2 great mums 

Post # 20
7161 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I love my Future Mother-In-Law. I consider her a member of my crew of mothers (along with my biological and step mother). We have some areas where we have a lot in common and some areas where we’re quite dissimilar. I’m glad to have her in my life, though, and every time I read some insane Mother-In-Law thread on these boards I’m reminded of how fortunate I am in the family I’m joining.

Post # 21
4055 posts
Honey bee

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anxietyqueen:  my relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law has greatly improved over the last year and a half or so. We aren’t super close, but we do chat on the phone occasionally and send emails back and forth to see how the other is doing. 

Post # 22
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I get along really well with my Future Mother-In-Law, but I don’t think we’re that close. We text and talk on the phone occasionally, but otherwise our interactions take place when my Fiance is also around. It wouldn’t be awkward for me to be at her house without my Fiance though (it’s happened numerous times) or for me to go to her for advice. I guess the main reasons for our lack of closeness are that we both have so many other people around us – I have my mum, dad, step mum and 4 younger siblings; she has 4 children (including my FI) who all have partners and her eldest daughter has 2 little boys.

Post # 23
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My Future Mother-In-Law loves me and I like her too 🙂 she’s a very sweet, almost childlike person (I don’t mean that in an insulting way) and I’m sort of the daughter she never had (she had 2 sons). She LOVES getting people presents (her love language is definitely gifts!) and never having had a girl to buy for before she kinda goes to town on the trinkets haha. I mean I definitely wouldn’t tell her my deepest thoughts or anything but we get along fine. She is also definitely not pushy or interfering. She wouldn’t dream of telling me or my Fiance what to do.

She is, however, VERY emotional and cries at the drop of a hat (the first time I saw her cry, none of the rest of my FI’s family reacted and I thought they were all heartless, now I get it haha) and also VERY chatty. Spending time with her can be exhausting because I have to be constantly ‘on’ and getting barraged with emotions! Last time my Fiance and I stayed with his family she kept joining me to walk the dogs, which was very sweet of her but dismayed me a little because it was supposed to be my quiet down-time! Luckily my Future Father-In-Law is the most quiet, chill, laid back person ever (he has to balance out his wife, haha).

Post # 24
332 posts
Helper bee

I like my in laws, but I wouldn’t say I am close with them… I still walk on eggshells and its been 3 years lol. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling my Mother-In-Law doesn’t like me as much as she puts on.

Post # 25
350 posts
Helper bee

Super close to my Mother-In-Law. We chat on the phone for hours, go golfing together and I’m not afraid to speak to her about anything 🙂

My mother and I don’t communicate anymore so it may play a role but we were close even before my mother issues. My Mother-In-Law even throws me a yearly birthday party with family.

Post # 26
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

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anxietyqueen:  Both of your reasons are exactly why I’m not close to my MIL! Also, she has a hard time respecting boundaries. Especially now that we have a baby, which is her first grandchild. We got on a lot better before I gave birth. Thankfully, I’m close with my own mother.

Post # 27
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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anxietyqueen:  we are very close. We talk as often as possible. She is just like me but more of a worry wart than i am, thats why we get along so well. 

Post # 28
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m very close to my Future Mother-In-Law. Fiance lived with her for the better part of our relationship, so I used to see her often. She has called me her daughter since before I was engaged to her son, which was kind of weird, but she said she always knew we would get married. She only had boy children, so I think she’s just excited to have a daughter in her life.

Post # 29
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I get along very well with my Future Mother-In-Law. She can be overbearing and is very opinionated, but everything she does is out of a place of love. I have a way of dealing with her when she’s trying to push something on me that I don’t want or don’t want to do that works very well for me. And although she is overbearing, she isn’t offended when you disagree with her or refuse something.

She has treated me as part of the family since I first met her. I think at first she was just so excited her son finally had a girlfriend haha. Anyway, we have gotten closer but I wouldn’t say we’re extremely close. She’s a huuuuge talker so usually it’s just me listening and laughing at what she says. But I enjoy it! Despite her faults, she loves her family fiercely and she treats me like part of that family.

Post # 30
272 posts
Helper bee

I’m jealous of some of the bees here! I have an ok relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law. We are nice to one another and are fine being around each other when my fiance isn’t around. But my Future Mother-In-Law and I are very different people, so it’s awkward sometimes. I don’t mind being around her, but I don’t particularly like it either. I would much rather be around my own mom. I know my Future Mother-In-Law means well, but she can be overbearing, is extremely religious, and often very judgmental of others. It’s difficult to listen her sometimes.

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