(Closed) How close are you with your MIL/FMIL?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 31
3611 posts
Sugar bee

Not close for similar-ish reasons to you. Distance, plus our personalities are pretty different. Like yours, mine is kind-hearted but a little much for me. She’s always going on about how beautiful I am or touching my hair or face or grabbing my hand to show my ring to people. She means it to be sweet, but I’m reserved by nature and I find it overwhelming. We also have zero in common – don’t read the same books or watch the same shows or enjoy the same activities or anything like that – so it makes it hard to find common ground. She does little things that rub me the wrong way, which is absolutely not on purpose and I try to keep that in mind, but I still get a little annoyed. It’s down to the personality mismatch. I feel bad because she doesn’t have a daughter and I think she badly wants to be close to me, but I’m very close to my own mom and would just like to keep the relationship pleasant but arm’s length.

Post # 32
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

anxietyqueen:  I’m about as close with my Future Mother-In-Law as I am with my own mother…which isn’t saying much. My mom is on the autism spectrum and, I dunno, never really seemed all that into being a mom. She wasn’t really involved with my life growing up. We are on okay terms now, I don’t mind talking to her and I’ll seek her opinion/advice even if I ultimately decide against what she says. I’m not very close with my stepmother, either. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, and that got amplified when my parents divorced.

I generally like my Future Mother-In-Law, though we have very different expectations and taste. She’s very involved and always wants to know what’s up with us (FI and I live several states away from her). If anything, she makes me feel like I missed out on something growing up, which are my issues and really have nothing to do with her.

Post # 33
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

I get along fairly well with my fmil, we can talk about things and we get along fairly well. I have no problem being with her without my fi. I really think that we bonded the most this past year because of our wedding, as well as, my fi’s brothers girlfriend. We tried a lot to reach out to her and get to know her and she actually came to me wondering what she was doing wrong and if I had issues with them coming on to strong. Turns out that gf is just a b**tch. Ffil and I get on fairly well. He is a good guy and he helps me on my career path which is nice and if we were alone together I think we would be okay. Lol 

Post # 34
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My Future Mother-In-Law and I are pretty different, but we get along fine. She isn’t a “girly” type woman (like I think she’s going to wear jeans & a tee to our wedding lol) and she’s laid-back but not very social. I’m the first woman in her son’s life to ever gain her approval, so that must count for something. I do have trouble fully liking her because of what my Fiance has told me about when he was younger, she wasn’t the best mother and knowing he’s been hurt by her in the past hurts me. But other than that… no problems. 😊

Post # 35
9 posts
  • Wedding: December 2011

I love my mother in law! She is actually a really wonderful person and have a good relationship with her. She lives nine hours away, so we only see her every four or so months. That being said she is a nut and quite the talker. But I do consider myself lucky that I have such a good relationship with her. I actually have a better relationship with her over my own mother. 

Post # 36
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

anxietyqueen:  we get along but not close because in 8 years I’ve spent less than a months time with her, total. She’s in Tx and I’m in sc 

Post # 37
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

anxietyqueen:  You sound like me!! My Future Mother-In-Law is everything I wanted growing up but never got. My mom is nice, dont get me wrong, but I asked me Future Mother-In-Law to dress shop before my mom, dont get me wrong asked them the same day but still her first. My Future Mother-In-Law is a nurse, works crazy hours and still comes home every night with a shining attitude and then cooks a huge from scratch meal. My mom on the other hand, works in a office, it doesnt seem to bad but I dont know because I havnt had an office job, however she gets home and orders takeout or something. This was my whole life, my Future Mother-In-Law was always at FI’s sports and everything, my mom wasnt. I am not as close with my mom as i am Future Mother-In-Law. While I still wouldnt say I am close, she is who I want to be closer with because of my future kids, I want them to see family time as important which I never had, we always ate in front of a tv. 

None the less, my mom looses her temper just like me, but in the 5+ years with Fiance, I have never seen Future Mother-In-Law loose her cool. She is definately who I aspire to be when I have kids.

Post # 38
2928 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I haven’t known my Future Mother-In-Law that long but we get along great.  She reminds me a lot of my own mom, who I am very close to.  My Future In-Laws live out of state and they Skype with my boyfriend maybe once a week.  He has 4 other siblings so his parents are more involved in their other kids lives than his.  Boyfriend’s sister (the youngest) is getting married this fall and her bridal shower is in a couple of weeks so his mom is completely consumed with that, but that doesn’t stop her from asking how I’m doing when we talk to her.  From what I’ve been told, she really likes me a lot and I have talked to my boyfriend’s siblings wives/husbands to learn that she is one of the good ones out there.  I think I’m very lucky in that regard.

I dated a guy last year whose mom completely ruined things for us.  Without going into too long a story, she put a lot of insecurities in his head and basically wound up ruining the relationship for us because he didn’t have any boundaries.  It was shocking to see how a grown man could be so influenced by his mom.  I’m so glad my current boyfriend does not have that kind of relationship with his.

Post # 39
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

We are very close like a second mom.  She calls me if she needs anything I do the same

Post # 40
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Mother-In-Law calls me the daughter that she never had.  She calls me before she calls her own son.  If I don’t pick up, she will then call her son.   This has pros and cons.  The pros are obvious, but the con is that she has no problem speaking her mind to me, the good and bad.  It’s not always all rainbows having a second mom.

Post # 41
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’ve known my Future Mother-In-Law for about 6 years so we are fairly close and I always enjoy being around her. She is very friendly and outgoing and I am pretty introverted but over time, I have come to be able to open up more to her and be myself. She always tells me how blessed she feels to have me as her FDIL. I feel very lucky to have her as a Future Mother-In-Law too 🙂 Surprisingly, I get along really well with my fiance’s grandmother (FMIL’s mother). We can talk for hours!

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