(Closed) How common are broken engagements?

posted 8 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Broken engagements are better than divorces, unless children are involved – then it’s just equally sad for the kids. 

That said, I do know one couple that broke off an engagement. Shockingly, it was because she became a massive bridezilla and control freak, started screaming about money and magnolias, she bought a $34,000 dress when their budget NOTHING like that (that was the big thing that people in our family still gossip about) This was 6 years ago.

Lol long story short, he cut ties quickly. I think he did himself a favor. 

Post # 32
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I broke off two engagements. One was over 10 years ago and the other was over 4 years ago. The first one was because we got engaged before we lived together (LDR), and once I moved in, I knew I couldn’t live with him. I think we lasted maybe 7 months after getting engaged. The second time was because we only got enaged because it was the next step after 5 years of dating. We should have never gotten engaged, because we were both settling for each other. We lasted 9 months after getting engaged.

I’m so thankful I trusted my gut and didn’t care what people would think about me calling it off. That being said, I feel if I ever get engaged in the future, it might appear like I’m crying wolf. Regardless, I’m happy I didn’t marry those guys, because I am now with a man that I can live with and am not settling for. 

Post # 33
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

megm1099 :  she bought a $34,000 dress

WHAT?! I can’t even picture what that would LOOK like, or where you’d buy one … aren’t most high-end ones still only like $10k??

Post # 34
Member
740 posts
Busy bee

megm1099 :  I gasped out loud when I read a $34k dress. Thats more than most people’s high end engagement rings!

Post # 35
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

manylovesbee1 :   AnonBee2019 :  

I’m not sure where she bought it! She was definitely planning a Beverly Hills wedding though without his approval. Total psycho! 

I wish I still had a picture of it though! It was not as pretty as you would probably imagine. XD It looked like something Marie Antoinette would wear! 

Post # 36
Member
11449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I called off my first engagement, and I know at least seven other prior couples who have ended an engagement.

I agree that people should not enter engagement lightly and that they should so so with the intent of marrying rather than just to be engaged. However, engagement is not only the last step before marriage but also it is the last opportunity for someone to decide the relationship just isn’t right for whatever reason. It’s much better to break an engagement than it is to get divorced later.

I don’t think people should ever commit to a dating relationship or an engagement in the same way that they should commit to marriage. What I mean by that is, if, after marriage, red flags or major issues arise, I think couples should work on resolving those issues. But if those same major issues should surface during a dating relationship or an engagement, I think people should give serious consideration to not continuing in the relationshp and not just stay together because they think they’re already too committed.

Post # 37
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

megm1099 :  Man it had better have had a bitchin’ wig to go with it, then. 

 

 

But I digress.

sarandah :  , you’ve seen a lot of counterarguments/personal anecdotes about ended engagements on this thread … just wondering if your thoughts on “broken” engagements are still the same? You’ve been silent for a few pages now.

Post # 39
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

I know two women that broke engagements. One wasn’t happy but didn’t know how to end it, and then he proposed unexpectedly and she thought saying yes and gradually breaking it off later would be easier on both of them. Don’t think that was true in his case. 

The other woman is a cousin I’m not close to so I don’t know the full story. I do know their wedding was fully planned and we had received our save the date.

Post # 40
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

sarandah :  Ended my engagement 1 month before the wedding. Sometimes people put on a show for years until they think they have you locked down. I have a thread on it, and I did/do not take my engagement or commitment to another person lightly. Your post does come off as judgy too 

Post # 41
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee

Because human beings are incredibly messy, especially in relationships. Saying you don’t ‘get’ why people have broken engagements is like saying you don’t get any of the other unfortunate situations people get into – divorce, addiction, alcoholism, whatever. 

I’ve known 2-3 people irl to break off engagements. People do things for all kinds of different reasons, right and wrong. You sound a little naive. 

Post # 42
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Thinking about it… I know a lot of couples that broke off their engagement. What I find interesting is allll of those couples ended up in different relationships very shortly after the broken off engagement. I know one couple that broke off their engagement, immediately started dating other people and the guy was engaged to another girl in less than a year. Then another couple I know, one had been cheating, she had suspicion but didn’t end up leaving him and finding it to be true until she met someone else. The guy ended up dating the girl he cheated with and the girl ended up with the guy she met. 

Post # 43
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Fireman’s Pavillion

Not to come off the wrong way, but you don’t have to “get it”. It’s not your thing to worry about. I know three broken engagements one being my own.

Friend 1.) He was verbally and physically abusive and cheated on her. Was ordering people on Craigslist, threw knives at her, tried to choke her, etc and I’m so proud of her for getting out of it. They were dating 3 years

Friend 2.) He started rumors about her, denied it, and had his friends messaging her to kill herself. So she tried to. At first he tried to stop her at first but than his mom wanted him to come home and he left alone to kill herself (keep in mind they were in their mid 20s, so it wasn’t like they were kids). They were dating 4.5 years

Friend 3.) He just realized he wasn’t as ready for the commitment. They were dating 5 years.

All three reasons are equally as valid and all three of these people were equally as heartbroken with their decision to call it off. These types of events are life changing. It’s not about “not valuing an engagement or commitment”. If anything it’s about taking it more seriously, and sometimes you don’t realize it till this point. A marriage is (supposed) to be forever, it’s better to find out before the legality sets in. 

I’m sorry if this comes off as snarky and rude, it’s a topic near and dear to my heart. I received a huge amount of talk and speculation by judgemental and nosey people about why. 

Post # 44
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

Well, I thank my lucky stars EVERY day that I did not marry my previous fiance. In the end, I liked the ring much better than the man, and that was the hardest part of ending it. I still can’t quite tell you why I said yes in the first place. Probably because I felt stuck and that I had to settle because no one else would want me.  Ultimately, he was not the right person for me, it just took a little backbone to stand up and say no.

If you’ve never been in this position, good for you, I guess?

Post # 45
Member
2926 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

talula23 :  I remember your posts and hope things are better for you now.

OP, what the actual fuck?

I have a broken engagement.  My ex had a friendship with a coworker that developed into a relationship.  He proposed to me while this was going on.  We had talked about getting engaged but I was surprised at the actual proposal.  His relationship continued with his coworker until I found out, then I broke things off.  I’m still not sure why he actually proposed to me when he did, but let me tell you, breaking that engagement was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and the time immediately afterwards was a very hard time for me.  I was embarressed.  I felt like damaged goods.  I felt like no one was ever going to want me again and he got off scott free because he already had another woman waiting in the wings.

I find your post incredibly judgy.  Unless you’ve ever gone through such pain, you have no right to 
not get it.  I’d much rather have gone through the broken engagement than a divorce.  And if anything, it make me look at commitment more seriously.  I was always one that took commitment seriously, but when you’ve been burned, you look at things differently.

Edit – my husband’s best friend has a broken engagement under his belt.  In his case, his ex completely changed once they got engaged.  They had dated for around 3 years and things that they had talked about prior to becoming engaged, she changed her mind about.  Like she decided she was never going to move away from her parents, even though she knew he was in med school and might get a job across the country.  The biggest change was she decided she wanted to be a kept woman and quit her job without telling him.  He thinks she was very enamoured with the idea of marrying a doctor, and it also made him distrust women for a while afterwards, like he didn’t want to tell them his profession for fear of women using him. 

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