(Closed) How Compatible are You about Starting a Family?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How Compatible are You about Starting a Family?
    To have kids/not : (136 votes)
    23 %
    When to TTC : (89 votes)
    15 %
    How many kids to have : (102 votes)
    17 %
    Time gap between kids : (70 votes)
    12 %
    Preferred gender(s) : (60 votes)
    10 %
    How to raise them : (93 votes)
    16 %
    Adoption : (34 votes)
    6 %
    None of the above : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9097 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Preferred genders? Neither of you really have much choice in that.

    Post # 3
    Member
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Well, we agree on not having kids, and the number of kids being zero, so I would say we are compatible in all the ways we need to be in our case.

    When we got married, I was still more of a fencesitter/procrastinator, and my husband was a “maybe in a few years” person, but it never caused us issues, and when I determined I was childfree for sure, my husband rather easily jumped over to the childfree side of the fence too.

    Post # 4
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Well we both decided to NOT have kids so the rest of the questions don’t even matter. I’ve never wanted kids so that was something I always clear on with potential boyfriends… You want or have kids? See ya!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Well, since I’m 47 and he’s 62 I think we’re on the same page. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 6
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    All of the above. We’ve been together almost 7 years so we have had plenty of time to discuss. A few compromises were made early on, but we are fully on the same page – which I realize is lucky! 

    As far as gender preferences, yes, obviously that’s a choice that cannot be made, but its fun to dream and plan together. I think the safe answer is “No matter the gender, we just want a happy healthy baby!” Which is totally true for me, but I am honestly tired of people being so finicky if there is a gender preference! Who cares if a couple does have a preference?! Live your own life is what I have to say. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4258 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    we agree on all.  And both agree we gon’t care about gender.

    Post # 8
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We agree on all of them (we don’t care about gender)

    apart from how many kids. I want 2 and he wants 4 (because its not his parts that heads will be coming out of)

    we have had doscussions about what to do for the last month of pregnancy/ first month post partum(we live  Japan and the pregnancy birth norms here are so dumb. No taking the baby or  mother outside for 1month pp and no touching cold water ect…) he wants me to go to his parents house in the very north, but we live in Tokyo…when is he going to come see me ect costs of travel and so on, I’m not to hot on that. but we haven’t even started ttc yet and probs wont til after we are married.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    All of the above! We both don’t care either way regarding gender ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2128 posts
    Buzzing bee

    He wants kids, I don’t. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    3903 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    southerncharm:  We pretty much agree on all of the above. Only thing he is ok with having 2 boys and im like NOPE!! LOL i want either 1 of each or 2 girls. And also I am hoping our first will be a girl and second a boy, he doesnt really care about the order. If our first is a boy Im prepared to do sperm washing to increase chances of having a girl as the 2nd, what ever I can do, to not have 2 boys lol. I just really dont want kore than 2 kids and I want to have a daughter. So I am really hoping one of our kids is a girl!!

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  ana2017. Reason: Typo
    Post # 12
    Member
    3903 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    garnobella:  ๐Ÿ˜• how is that gonna work?  ๐Ÿ˜จ

    Post # 13
    Member
    9718 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We’ve agreed that we would like to have at least one child. We would really love to have a girl so if we have a boy first we will most likely try again for a girl but if we have a girl first we might just stop at one. 3 is our agreed on maximum number of children and the third would be adopted.

    We’ve agreed that we probably won’t start TTC until about 3 years after being married. And that we’d like our kids to be close in age if possible. And pretty much everything we’ve discussed regarding parenting we’ve agreed on. Some of it took some discussion but anything we’ve disagreed on, we’ve been able to come up with compromises or convince the other to change their mind. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Grandover Resort

    We have decided on definitely having kids, and trying to conceive within 2 years after we’re married. We’d like at least 2 kids, but no more than 4. I guess you could say we’d prefer our first child to be a boy but if it was a girl, we’d still be just as happy! 

    Haven’t talked much about the time gap between kids. Guess we’ll see how we feel when the time comes. ๐Ÿ™‚

    My Fiance & I were raised & disciplined quite differently. However, we’ve had plenty of talks on this topic and it seems we’ve came up with a good game plan on how we would like to raise our kids. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    ana2017:  I am in a similar situation where I don’t want kids and she does. We have discussed it before deciding to get engaged, and our deal is that we won’t have kids unless I come around to it. To her, being with me is more important than having kids. Plus, she has a very busy career (lawyer at a major firm). She is our breadwinner, which will leave much of the responsibility of raising kids on me. I am 100% behind her for her career – and have made sacrifices myself as such. To her, her success in her career is more important than children. She doesn’t want to sacrifice our lifestyle and her career for them. Since I don’t want them, she knows it would be unfair to place the burden on me to raise them AND support her career. 

     

    Our middle ground is we will be the awesome aunt/uncle. Additionally, I am fully supportive to fostering – that way we can provide a good home for kids. I completely support her expressing her maternal instincts in ways that are positive for her and allow for her to get the fulfillment in a motherly type role, but without us having our own kids.  

     

    There are plenty of “compromises” that don’t require you to have half of a kid.

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