- 5 years ago
My Brother-In-Law got married and moved out of state several years ago to be near SIL’s family. My in laws then bought a summer home across the street from my BIL’s home a few months later and announced their intention to retire there. BIL asked them not to move there and they said too bad. My in laws then befriended my BIL’s wife’s parents and intertwined themselves with her family. I suspect that they did this so that they’d be included in ALL family events so that they could be with Brother-In-Law and grandkids for every single holiday because this is exactly what happened.
Darling Husband has a serious medical condition that requires routine drs. visits. When he moved back home temporarily at age 27, Mother-In-Law assumed that she would attend his drs. visits with him and got mad at him after he told her no, he would update her when he got home. I tried to update her about his medical status several years later and she immediately said she “can’t be concerned about it” and when asked why she said “because Darling Husband made it clear that he didn’t want her involved in his medical care at all so she can’t even let herself think about it.”
When Darling Husband was single at age 27, MIL routinely showed his picture to random women on planes, waitresses, her dental hygienist, etc., gave out his phone number and told these girls to contact Darling Husband for a date and they did! Darling Husband was obviously pissed and demanded she stop, but she ignored him.
Darling Husband is now 31, has been married 2 years and his parents intrude on our marriage as I described in a prior post. Mother-In-Law cries and yells at Darling Husband (who is a very timid and respectful guy) when he tries tells her that she is crossing the boundaries of our marriage. Father-In-Law has taken MIL’s side and sent Darling Husband a nasty email accusing Darling Husband of emotional terrorism and demanding that Darling Husband force me into counseling because I won’t travel out of state with them for holidays even though I attend the local stuff every fucking year.
Now the in laws keep emailing follow ups to us blaming me for the breakdown in their family dynamic. They pulled my Brother-In-Law into it (who has been accepting $ from them for years -$ that Darling Husband and I always decline). Brother-In-Law called Darling Husband claiming he noticed the breakdown in the family dynamic as well then said he “got his parents’ side of the story and wants to hear DH’s side”. Darling Husband said he couldn’t tell him anything because it was a private matter between Darling Husband and his parents and Brother-In-Law threatened to call Darling Husband every day until he tells him this private information. We are now being harassed by Brother-In-Law daily. WTF.
I took Darling Husband to a few family therapists to get outside opinions and they all said ignore the bullying from the parents and Brother-In-Law and put distance there. Darling Husband is agreeing to do it, but I know he doesn’t really want to ignore Brother-In-Law because they are supposedly close. His family does bully him, but they mean well. At least I thought they did. They are accusing me of being the reason why Darling Husband is ignoring them. We’re going back to the therapist, but I don’t want Darling Husband to think that he has to do what the therapist is telling him to do. Darling Husband is a good-natured and level-headed guy. I think he should make his own decisions, but he unfortunately lets people bully him so I am not certain if his decisions are the best way to go to protect our marriage. Any thoughts? How fucked up is this?