(Closed) How could you possibly think your boyfriend/girlfriend of the moment is invited?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Stick with your game plan.

“We are having a SMALL INTIMATE Wedding” period.

Say it as many times as necessary.

Send out Invites just to those you wish to be there

(I do recommend the style that indicates on the RSVP / Reply Cards…  “___ seats have been reserved in your honor” )

And see how the chips fall.

If people decide to boycott, so be it.

Weddings bring out the worst in some people… you’ll quickly see who your LOVED ONES truly are.

Hang in there… the Invites & Reply Cycle is the worst of the whole event IMO

(( HUGS ))

Hope this helps,


Post # 4
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ugh, I’m with you. Today I was going over the guest list with FH while one of his friends was present (mistake). This friend hasn’t had a gf in forever, and we aren’t planning on giving him a plus one. FH was joking to the friend “I don’t know, do you think you might have a girlfriend for the wedding?” and the friend replied, “well, I don’t know, maybe…” I just had to stop the conversation and say that we’re only inviting boyfriends/girlfriends if it has been a very long relationship already. People just don’t understand how expensive weddings are.

Post # 5
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsJesseJames:  I told my Uncle that it was just Aunts and Uncles. He pulled out the whole if my whole family can’t come, then we’re not coming. I told him sorry but we’re having a small wedding so no. He ended up coming anyway. If someone is going to pull that, then you don’t want them at your wedding anyway.

Post # 7
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Because my husband has a million cousins and half of them are married, we had 114 people and that was enough so that I had friends that weren’t invited to make room for some family I have barely met.

His uncle RSVP’d (online) that they were hoping to bring a special needs girl that his wife takes care of.  Not family, someone I’ve met once in 5 1/2 years, but someone she gets paid to take care of during the day.  Um no.  Sorry.

My aunt FB’d me and asked if it was ok if my cousin brought her new bf.  Now I had seen her at my sisters wedding in August, and she was freshly single.  This request came in..October?  So even if she had met this new guy the day after she broke up with her ex, they’d have been together less than 2 months.  Seriously?

Some people just don’t get that it’s not a party that you bring whoever the hell you want to.  It’s a wedding, MY wedding, YOUR wedding…not a house party.  Jeez.

Post # 9
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Because my husband has a million cousins and half of them are married, we had 114 people and that was enough so that I had friends that weren’t invited to make room for some family I have barely met.

Right there with you. Oh well.

Post # 10
6361 posts
Bee Keeper

…because that’s traditional at weddings.

It is, after all, a celebration of a romantic union. Insisting it be celebrated by guests attending alone is a recent trend that is not widely practiced around the world.

Post # 11
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

right there with you! we even put “we have reserved xx seats in your honor” and we are still getting requests for plus one’s and children! Or, they are telling us they are confused by the number. Ummm, how is it confusing? We are inviting just you or you and your SO…not everyone else and their mom! 

Post # 12
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsJesseJames:  I am having a wedding in FL and my aunt and uncle are bringing their kids for two weeks so they can go to Orlando, one of my cousins is bringing a friend, so now he has to come because he can’t be left alone. Then my mom’s two cousins (sisters) kids are bringing friends and they have to come. I feel like they are used to weddings where people have cold meat sandwiches at a local lodge, but my wedding is like $100 per person, it’s not the same, each extra person is $$$!

Post # 13
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Some of my guests are not only bringing their romantic partners, but also mothers, siblings, cousins, and friends. I can kind of understand the people bringing their mothers, because they’re old and maybe don’t get out often. But cousins – even though you’re already bringing your husband and children? And friends – even though you know most of the people there?

Oh well. The more the merrier, I suppose. That’s what I’ll keep saying to myself so I don’t go insane.

Post # 14
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s annoying. FI should tell his aunt that’s too bad and they will be missed. Negotiating or talking to her about it will only make her think she has some sort of control over the situation. 


Post # 15
2072 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@AlwaysSunny:  +1

@Woodstock:  +1 that you don’t want them there anyway if that’s what they are like.


We have decided to invite boyfriends and girlfriends by name when we send out the invitations 4 months in advance. If they are still together in 4 months time, then the relationship could be serious by then, even if they had only just got together when the invites go out. If they aren’t, well that’s a shame but our guest won’t get to bring a random +1 in their place. And if our guest isn’t seeing anyone 4 months out but is seeing someone by the time of the wedding, well that’s too bad as well unless we have lots of “Nos” from RSVPs and we find we can accommodate them. They won’t have been together very long and hopefully they’ll understand.

Admittedly though we have the advantage that we are having a marquee wedding and if necessary we can add an extra tent (hopefully not as it will cost more). I think it’s very difficult for the people with an absolutely strict limit on the numbers.

Post # 16
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I understand where you’re coming from, I really do, but you are asking them to travel out of state for your wedding, so maybe you could reconsider.  Many people don’t like traveling alone, and what adult wants to make a long trip with their parents and siblings?  I know that even if I weren’t in a serious relationship I wouldn’t spend the time or money traveling for a wedding if the hosts didn’t care about the comfort of their guests enough to let me bring a date.  And remember, you are hosting a party, and your family are guests, so you should take their feeling into consideration.


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