(Closed) How crazy is it to not be there when the babies are born?

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

DS is 10 months old and only recently met two out of three of my siblings, still hasn’t met the third!

The two he recently met it was just the distance, they live several hours away by car and already have families of their own. The one he hasn’t met has no interest in ever meeting him.

Post # 3
8724 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Derp:  i think since you are there (as in not a plane ride away) you should make the effort. Can you share the costs with other family members?


Post # 4
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No, I dont think it’s an issue.

Post # 6
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

(also, I have two children)

Post # 7
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

1. Do you really want to see the LO that badly?

2. Would your SIL be offended if you didn’t come?

If the answer to both of those is “no”, then I don’t see a reason to go. I’ts not as though the LO will remember whether you are there or not. And, of course, there is always the real possibility that she won’t even deliver while you are there, and the possibility that she won’t want visitors post-delivery.

Post # 9
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Do you think anyone else from the family be making the drive and you could just catch a ride? If it was an hour, I’d say you should go meet your new niece/nephew. But 5 hours is still a pretty good drive, so I wouldn’t be too upset if I was the mom and you didn’t come. 

Post # 10
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t have kids but it seems like a lot of new parents get overwhelmed when too many people come to meet the baby at the hospital or right afterward.  I don’t think I would drive 5 hours (plus you never know if the baby will be early or late affecting the time you could visit).

Post # 11
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Derp:  Just an FYI, most first-time mothers actually deliver late – so there is a pretty good chance the baby won’t even arrive when you’re in town.  I wouldn’t worry about it too much – you’ll see the baby when you can, I’m sure your sister will understand, and there’s always Skype/Facetime/Hangouts etc. to “see” the baby in the time in-between.  There are definitely ways to be involved with your new niece/nephew without being close by.

FWIW, I was at the hospital right after my first nephew was born, and it did feel very special to meet him when he was so “new.” I wasn’t able to visit for a little while with my second nephew, and that was OK too – my brother and SIL understood, and my nephew certainly doesn’t know any different or care.

ETA – Also, I agree with PPs – too many visitors can be a bad thing/overwhelming.  DH and I are TTC now, and when we have a baby I really don’t want anyone other than my parents visiting in the hospital.  Especially for new parents, you’re just starting the process of getting to know your baby and bonding as a family (not to mention learning to breastfeed if nursing is planned), and too many visitors can get in the way of that.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  SadieBee.
Post # 13
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Derp:  I wouldn’t consider it a huge deal. My SIL didn’t see out little guy until June 22, and he was born March 31. We weren’t offended, and she wasn’t bothered by it either.

Post # 14
13289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My sister lives a plane ride away.  The baby was 6 weeks before I met him.  The grandparents went first, and I let them relax a little before I went out there.  By the time I got there, they were in a routine and everything went smoothly!

Post # 15
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Derp:  When I was pregnant, my brother, who lives in North Carolina, wanted to make plans to come visit ASAP. In all honesty, babies just aren’t that interesting, especially newborns. I knew we would be overwhelmed with visitors and the though of juggling my brother from out of town just didn’t make sense.

I told him to choose a weekend a few months after my due date when there was a college football game in our town that he wanted to go to (our Dad is a long-time season ticket holder). He flew in for the weekend when DS was 2 months old, saw the baby for a total of an hour (which is PLENTY with an infant), went to the game with my dad, brother, and husband, and flew home the next day.

I would NEVER have wanted or expecetd him to drop everything and hop on a plane just because I had a baby. People have lives and schedules that don’t revolve around your due date. Hopefully your SIL is just as understanding.

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