Post # 1
I flip back and forth between wanting kids and not. I’ve moved past most of my reservations but the one big one that is still holding me back is my relationship.
I love my fiancé to the moon and back, and indescribable amount I can’t even express it, he feels the same about me. We have an amazing relationship, we spend all of our free time together because we love to, we have a wonderful give and take system, we just work so well!
Im terrified of adding a kid to the mix and it ruin our relationship, we already know we want at least 5 more years just the two of us and that when we do have a kid we want to have a lot of structure so that we still get alone time to work on our relationship but still… My parents did a very good job with this and had an amazing relationship but from what I’ve heard about the majority, that doesn’t happen.
Another reason I’m so concerned is because he wants to have kids badly, he’s 1000% sure he wants them and I’m on the fence which makes me feel guilty.
So for you Bees, what happened to your relationships when you had kids? Positives and negatives please!
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
I also love my husband to the moon and back and we are currently expecting out first bundle of joy in April. So far being pregnant has bade us more of a family unit
Post # 3
for us we’ve really had to work as a team even more than ever before and that has brought us closer. We also did IVF which tightened our bond. We do have to make a conscious effort to take dates and not spend the entire time talking about household issues or our daughter, but we make the effort. I have a new love and respect for watching my husband with our daughter and seeing their relationship grow. And he has said that he was so proud and impressed watching me go through IVF, pregnancy, a natural birth, and breastfeeding struggles and really being impressed with my determination to do everything I could that I thought was best for our child and our family.
Post # 4
does he know you aren’t sure if you want kids? If he’s completely sure he wants them, and you’re not sure, what happens if you decide that you don’t want any?
Post # 5
Also, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being unsure about kids, you just need to make sure he knows that you might not want kids
Post # 6
Our son has brought DH and I so much closer. Like other posters we went through infertility (though did conceive naturally in the end) so that also helped bond us. It also gave us more time to prepare ourselves for our baby.
we talk all the time about fair division and we try to ensure we both have some ‘me’ time every week. That might be a gym visit or lunch with friends etc. We try to have couple time as much as possible too. We eat dinner together every week night and if we stay with my parents we make the most of having baby sitters.
We split baby chores 50/50 as much as possible (obviously DH couldn’t breastfeed) and support each other’s careers and understand our competing needs.
all that said, we’ve take the decision to stop at 2 kids as we feel it is possible to maintain this with two but not once we’re out numbered.
Its really normal to worry about this and In my experience it’s the couples who don’t talk about it up front and ‘baby proof’ their relationship that struggle
Post # 7
I would say having a child did not affect our relationship. We are still close. Our son goes to bed and then we have plenty of time together each night. Definitely talk about expectations. Be open. Don’t be resentful. Let each person parent and learn their own lessons with the kid. I definitely enjoy having our son around. He’s a fun thing to focus on and brings a lot of laughter and silliness. Compartmentalizing life is kind of hard with a kid. The kid will ooze into everything. It’s a change, but a good change if it’s what you want. Talk to your partner and figure it out. Each couple handles this stuff differently. How you two will manage it is unique to you.
Post # 8
He knows how I feel about it, I’ve decided I will have kids because I feel like there are more positives than negatives and I feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t and we’ve talked about all of this in depth, there are just things that still make me really nervous to do it.
Post # 9
Thanks, we are thinking 2 when the time comes and we have talked about all of the stuff you mentioned, it’s nice to hear you guys can still maintain a loving relationship and personal time that’s comforting!
To everyone else, I know it’s unique to each couple and we are prepared to put the work in to ensure we have the best relationship that we can, I just want to hear your personal experiences! If they’ve been positive, what did you do for that to be the case? If negative what do you think caused the problems? I want to learn so that I can move forward as best I can.