(Closed) How did having a baby change your marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t have a kid yet, but I’m 13 weeks pregnant. I’m reading “And Baby Makes Three” (and DH will read it when I’m done). We are also very commited to having a good strong marriage after having a baby. 

I really like the book because it is written by John Gottman and his wife. They are very well known relationship experts that have spent decades doing research on what makes a good marriage good and a bad marriage bad. They did the same research on couples with kids.

Kids will affect ever marriage. The dymanic will change. But there are certain things that successful couples do to weather the storm.

Post # 3
Member
1821 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have a 9 month old son but my fiance and I won’t get married until July. Having a baby made us a stronger couple and busier.

We used to go out to eat more often before we have a kid and now since we have one we hardly go out to eat at all. My fiance and I also don’t sleep at the same time anymore. I sleep when baby sleep. My fiace sleeps when he is tired so pretty much anytime he wants. Being a mom is exhausting but seeing your child smile is all worth it. My fiance wont let me watch AHS when my son is awake so I wait until he is asllep to watch. Oh and doing the deed is a lot harder when you have a baby. Other than that our relationship is fine. We don’t fight all that often. If I need something done I just let my fiance know. He is a great problem solver. 

 

Post # 4
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It made everything even better. But we are good at communicating and seem to be on the same page often. Our daughter ia high spirited but such a joy, and we might have another. :):):)

Post # 5
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Commenting to follow

Post # 6
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Having a baby changes everything! If your relationship is strong, you will get through it. The key is to make sure you set aside time regularly, couples time, after the baby comes. 

Post # 7
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It didn’t change anything really. If anything it has made us stronger, more cooperative and more willing to help each other any way we can. The first few months are an adjustment with lack of sleep, but we just laid it all out on the table and communicated openly and honestly to avoid snapping. My husband is great at diffusing situations before they turn into a fight, so if I snap at him he wil make a joke and make me laugh. That was key in the first few months. Now that we have all been getting more sleep things are as good/better then before! I found that telling him directly how and when I need help with baby instead of waiting for him to do it on his own was key for us navigating the new divison of labor.

Post # 8
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a six month old so perhaps not long enough to determine how it’s changed our relationship, but I must admit, it’s been tough.  I think a combination of sleep deprivation and still trying to be the great employees we once were makes it a difficult journey.  We definitely have had more snippy moments in the past 6 months than we had prior to baby.  That said, I do think that year one with a baby is hard on every level and to know that going in and to be open in communication about expectations both pre-baby and as things come up post-baby is important.  

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KoiKove:  omg, congrats – I’m super happy for you! 

Post # 9
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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BOGB:  Thanks, it was a long hard road, but finally sucess thanks to science, an egg donor and a little miracle magic thrown in. 

Post # 10
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I am sooo glad I came across this thread.  Just created a post “Baby ready?” since I’ve been having baby fever.  This never crossed my mind on whether our relationship would change with a baby.  Our relationship has been great to far so would like to read what others experiences have been.  So far there has been some helpful information on this thread. 

Post # 11
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

Having kids changes the dynamic of uour relationship. For us it’s mostly positive, but you also lose pretty much all your alone time. Sex is reserved for when the kids are sleeping (if your usually pretty spontaneous this might hurt)

 

nothing negative really. It’s just harder to schedule alone time and dates. 

Post # 12
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First things first, we’re now divorced, so there’s that.

He was older than me (20 years), I thought we should start ttc soon after marriage so he wouldn’t be in AARP when the kid was in middle school. So I guess he wasn’t totally on board anyway. First try worked. Things were never the same and never got better. 

Kids will only make your marriage and your partner MORE of what it already is. If you are loving, honest, caring, helpful to one another, kids will definitely test your patience, but that backbone of a good relationship is already there.

If you’re already bickering, saying hurtful things and undermining one another, a baby will make that worse. And it’s not the child’s fault (of course) but the stress and sleeplessness and exhaustion and financial worries. That’s the culprit. If you don’t have the foundation of a good marriage/parternship/friendship before you have a baby, a baby will not make it better. You always hear a baby won’t save a marriage (and very rarely does it)

If your spouse is lazy, unattentive, selfish and immature, I believe a child will only make that worse. 

It did in my case. 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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Firemansgirl:  Children bring the best and the worst out in people.  My husband is patient, kind, and caring.  Our daughter brought out those qualities even more when she was born.  I’m impatient, so our child brought that out more in me.  But over all, our child has been a wonderful addition to our family.  For us, having a child made our lives fuller and richer.  We don’t regret having her in our lives at all.

Post # 14
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

i dont have a baby but i have seen a few friends relationships get really hard when a child comes along. <br />i have been told, and i really agree, that you dont need all the money in the world to have a child but you need a damn strong relationship . everyone does it though, so cant be impossible lol!

Post # 15
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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pinkcorsage:  this would SO be us too.

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