Post # 1
Yesterday, I posted a board on here asking if house funds on registries were tacky (for a down payment on a house), and after being roasted for several pages for even fathoming the question, I am going to say that would be a big NO. Clearly people are VERY offended at the idea of giving towards a house fund, and see it as “paying your mortgage” as many put it. Some bees suggested not registering at all as they had done, and that many would get the hint and bring cash or check in lieu of a gift. I am a little worried at this idea though, that folks would just go “off the rails” and we again would end up with things we do not need, and nowhere to put them. Not that we would not appreciate the gifts, they are just things that would gather dust in our basement. Personally, I would want to know that my gift/money that was given was something they actually wanted and needed… but it seems many people do not feel the same way. My question is bees that have tried this more couth and roundabout way of doing things, did not registering work out for you? Or did you end up with a bunch of random items?
Part of me wants to register for the very (and I mean very, like 10 items) small amount of things that we need, that way those who are uber offended by giving cash would have another option. What do you all think?
Post # 2
stlkennedy92 : This is exactly what we did. I saw your other thread but didn’t get the chance to post on it.
I have a lot of relatives (grandparents, aunts) that are old school and clutch their pearls if you mention only wanting cash gifts. Honeymoon funds and mortage funds would not fly at all with them.
We registered for a few items because my mom and Mother-In-Law insisted on throwing us a shower. We took the opportunity to upgrade our dishes since all we had were mismatched ones. We asked for a 4 slice toaster because my husband really wanted one along with some other small kitchen items. We still got a couple of typical box gifts like crystal vases and frames but they were from older relatives like we expected. But everyone else gave us cash.
It worked out fine.
Post # 3
stlkennedy92 : I saw that other thread and was really suprised by the responses… I’d much rather contribute to someone’s down payment then buy them a toaster oven.. much more meaningful! I say read your crowd, if you have family that is super traditional and wants to give you physical stuff, register for a few things you need. Don’t register for anything you don’t truly need. The rest will probably be cash.
Fiance and I are planning on doing a honeymoon fund or a down payment fund for our registry… whichever offends people less. We lived together before getting engaged, so we have double of every household item we need.
Post # 4
I didn’t have a registry and I didn’t mention anything about Money, honeymoon fund, or boxed gifts on my invitations and just hoped people would take the hint that cash is preferred. I had about 110 guests and only recieved two boxed gifts (plus cash) while everyone else gave straight cash. I was actually surprised we got as much as we did because I went into it with the mindset of getting nothing or very little.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
stlkennedy92 : I think the issue is more the context of the situation. Weddings and honeymoons typically require a significant amount of money. If I were invited to a low budget wedding (because that’s all the couple could afford), I would be happy to contribute to a home fund. But if I were invited to a wedding where the couple spent $20,000+ and were also going on an expensive honeymoon, that would get a big eye roll from me. It comes off as entitled. Think about your wedding and honeymoon budget. Would allocating those funds towards a down payment on a home allow you to purchase without assistance? If your answer is yes, this is why people are turned off by home funds.
Post # 6
We didn’t have a registry, it worked out very well for us. We were blown away by the generosity of our family and friends. Like the poster above we had 100 guests and received only two boxed gifts.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2016 - City, State
We didn’t have a registry and most people got the hint. We still received a couple of boxed gifts but they were actually in addition to the already gifted cash.
Post # 8
We did not register and only received cash. People know that their money is going to something the couple wants/needs because people generally spend money on things they want/need.
Post # 9
We did not register and received 2 gifts:
-1 chefs knife (from a foodie friend, who knows we love to cook)
-1 condiment server thing…Kind of odd, but it was actually from H’s work peeps who weren’t even invited to the wedding.
The rest was cash or cheques.
Post # 10
Currently debating between a Honeyfund and no registry at all- commenting so I can see other’s results! 🙂
Post # 11
Schmashley : I agree. If you are throwing yourself a huge party that is causing you tens of thousands of dollars, but don’t have enough money for a downpayment on a house, I’m going to not be excited about giving you money towards your down payment. Same thing if you’re going on a great honeymoon.
Post # 12
We did not register and it worked out great. We only got 1 boxed gift which was lovely. Our guests were more generous with the cash amount then we even expected. One envelope had $2,000 in cash and no one gave us less then $100.
Post # 13
We did register and still got random stuff not on our registry. You know, people will do what they want.
Post # 14
I am very much in the same boat as you. Fiance and I live together and have many, many household items. We had to consolidate two households down.
Our plan is to register for a few things (like 10 things) where we would like to upgrade on items that we have, for example pots and pans, some nice towels, etc. Also, my sister is letting people know that we would like gift cards for my shower. In particular gift cards to places like Lowe’s, Homegoods etc. for once we buy a house.
Unfortunately I can’t tell you how it works out, as we aren’t married yet, but I am eager to read other responses!!
Post # 15
Where I live (NYC area) it is very common to give cash at the wedding, and something off the registry for the shower if you are attending. We had a very small registry and most people just gave us cards with money. Having a very small registry is a nice way of saying you would prefer cash.