Post # 1
DH and I had a more serious conversation about when we’d like to TTC and I’m just curious as to how other bees talked about it or approached the subject with your SO.
I kind of felt like DH and I had 100% different opinions and thoughts on when we’d want kids and it is definitely important to be on the same page and it feels so good to feel like we have a “plan” in place that we both mutually respect and like. DH definitely has more baby fever than I do. I definitely was the type to have the mindset of being nervous and anxious about it. It especially didn’t help when DH would mix up terms like “getting pregnant” and “having a baby” and he would saying “Well, I’d really like to have a kid by the end of this year!” *cue freakout moment* Umm dear, that means I needed to be pregnant like a few months ago, so not going to happen. When he really meant “get pregnant” by the end of this year, lol.
After our conversation last night it has me kind of excited about the prospect of becoming pregnant especially since it seemed like we had such a big gap in our communicaiton about it.
How did you bees come to an agreement, if you will, on when you wanted to TTC? Was it a good/bad/nerve racking convo? Were you both initially on the same page or did it take a lot of conversations to feel ready as a couple?
Also because I just have the urge to share and let it out. Our plan is for me to finish out my current BC perscription until I have my yearly exam, which will be in August. Then in August at my appt, I planned to inform my doctor and ask for any advice/tips and just go from there. I’d say we definitely have the NTNP mindset and the goal is to hopefully just let things happen and be pregnant by the end of the year… eeks! So crazy to think about!
Post # 2
I don’t know if this the type of answer you are looking for, but we have never had one defining conversation about TTC. I feel like this is something we have discussed regularly for years and now even more so since getting married. I can’t remember the first time it came up to be honest! But whenever we discuss it we are both happy and excited.
I feel like I’m in a similar spot as you OP, husband is very much ready yesterday whereas I would be happy to wait another few years even to be honest (we are both 26). We have tentatively discussed starting in January 2020, and I have been off BC and have been charting/temping for a year now.
Post # 3
Oh ours was messy. Second marriage. Our kids are 16, 9 and 9. I had long decided I was 95% sure I was never having another baby. Fiance told me early on he could go either way (which was true, but he wanted more than he let on)
One night we got to talking about how we were both kind of sad that we would never have that experience together (there was some alcohol involved LOL)… and that led to a “what if” conversation.
Fiance was happy to leave it at that but I cannot tolerate ambiguity and the conversation shook some of my core assumptions about my life and future. So I said something a few days later to the effect of “that was a fun conversation but we are both done right?”. He was too shy to say anything at that moment but it came up a few days later that he felt I “killed the fantasy” by forcing the conversation and he liked being able to think about it.
I read into that as he wants a baby more than he is letting on so we kept on talking about it. What are the pros and cons, what are our fears, how would we manage another kid/baby phase, financial considerations. I began to open my mind to the possibility and even get excited about it!
Fiance was convinced based on my earlier comment that I DIDNT want another baby and he wasnt going to ask me to have one if I wasnt 100% on board. I think he was afraid to pressure me. We both came into it open minded but him leaning more yes and me leaning strongly no. But my “no” was because I never thought I would meet/love/trust someone enough to do that again. HE is the only reason I consider it, because hes such an amazing partner and father.
We finally had a heart to heart and said we would try for a period of time (6-8 months or as long as I want to try) and see what happens. We agreed to do this after we are married.
Initially the plan was to do it right away after our July wedding. However I am training for a half marathon so we decided to start trying after that (end of September)
As you can probably infer hes pretty go with the flow about it and Im overthinking/overanalyzing it… but we are both excited and on the same page at last 🙂
Post # 4
Any response is welcome! This wasn’t really made for any sort of advice, just conversation. I feel like it may have been a little confusing.. sorry about that. I was just simply looking for experiences from everyone else’s convo’s about this with their SO. 🙂
DH and I have definitely talked about kids even prior to marriage, but nowadays the plans are more concrete.
Post # 5
We are both in our mid 30s (he’s 32, I’m 35) so we discussed it prior to engagement as part of our “bigger picture” timeline. We are going to TTC pretty much immediately after we get married, which will be the end of this year. 🙂 We are both so excited!
Post # 6
We continue to talk about it several times a week! Several years ago we talked about how we both want kids but not right now, and made a list of everything that was important to us before TTC. It included financial, educational, career, travel and wedding goals. Flash forward to now, we’ve crossed everything off our list except for 3 and are on track to finish the list by September 2020, which is when we start trying.
At least once a week we talk about how excited we are, how maternity leave works, how long we think it’ll take, how we’re going to announce it, etc
Post # 7
Lol ours didn’t go so well the very first time we discussed it seriously. I said, when do you think you’d like for us to TTC (we have both previously said we want kids) and he said, “oh, in about 5 years or so?”. I was like uhm… okay… I was thinking like next year. Haha but we found it quite easy to figure out the middleground for us. (Basically not while we are living abroad because we don’t have a support system here.) So we got on to the same page pretty easily, I would say and we both agreed that we can revisit our decision at any time and check in with the other person etc. just keep your lines of communication open! Good luck!
Post # 8
No formal convo Happened. My SO made comments about wanting to be a dad sooner than later and I kept telling him that we needed to save more. Last summer I decided to get my iud out and he was thrilled! No bfp yet. I thought it would have happened already. Really makes me feel guilty for making him wait so long when we are still trying. When we first started dating he mentioned kids and wanting to be a dad and I was like woah! Hold up! And then after a few years of being together we talked about it more, but nothing we definite in terms of timeline.
Post # 9
We had a couple low key conversations over a few months. Basically waiting for a few things to fall into place in our personal lives. We didn’t really have a page to start with, so we figured it out together. I was already a house spouse so it made sense to either have kids right away or to definitely delay it so I could go back to work. We decided to go for kids right away. I’d say it was a low pressure type of thing and I was surprised (I shouldn’t have been, knowing my husband) by how open and flexible he was. Basically his opinion was that it’s my life and my body so my choice on the timing. In terms of number of kids, at first he wanted two and I talked him down to 1 and then I slowly made my way back up to 2. As for spacing of them, he wanted them close together, originally that overwhelmed me, but by the time our son was a year I felt ready.
Post # 10
I was really nervous to have the convo with DH…looking back, I don’t know why. We had discussed wanting kids prior to getting married, both in the affirmative. For some reason, I was worried that if I brought it up, he would have “changed his mind” (he’s a few years older than me and already has a child from a previous marriage). Once I brought it up, we had a great conversation that ended in picking a time to start trying (about 6 months later). I ended my BC in February and we will actively start TTC next month! Hoping for the best!
Post # 11
My husband and I talked about it not long after becoming a couple but only in a vague someday kind of way because we definitely didn’t want kids then but wanted to know where the other one stood on the idea. We bought our first house last year and talked about it again because we both suddenly found ourselves being able to envision having a baby. So now we are thinking of TTC in the next couple of years but we are still kind of vague! Although we’ve both been feeling quite broody for the past 6 months.
I’m also concerned that having pcos and having had a shock pregnancy followed by a miscarriage the next day about 10 years ago that I won’t be able to carry a baby to term.
Post # 12
OMG i had a very unofficial convo with him about it last night when we were putting together timelines for everything, and he and I had a small marginal disagreement where he wants to take a year after everything before ttc (4+years from now). And i was like, no, i dont want to be older and ttc my first child. So it literally was a years difference in disagreement which in the grand scheme of things, isnt too much a difference, but I am ADAMANT on not conceiving my first child at or after 30. I know it can take a few years to even conceive so id like to start at 28 (exactly 4 years from now). I go so irritated that i didnt shower with him, i waited for him to get out and then i jumped in. LOL
Post # 13
Haha I basically said I would like to start trying the day (or day after if we are too tired) of the wedding. Hubby is pretty easy going so he said ok !
Post # 14
We have had several conversations. Over time they get more and more specific and concrete. I’d say we were on the same page for the most part.
It began with “let’s wait until we have time as a couple first”. Then it became “let’s have one last trip to Europe”. (So that gave us something to look forward to.) Then, we hit a personal situation where the conversation got a bit muddled. Luckily, we both were thinking that we would just delay by a few months if needed.
Now that we had our trip and everything worked out, we need to we open the conversation if we want to start next cycle. So, that’ll be fun!
Post # 15
We never really had one big conversation about it. We knew we wanted to wait until after we were married. After the wedding we had a vague agreed on timeline – a couple years. Then as our 2 year anniversary came up we had some more concrete conversations about it and thought we would be ready by this summer. We aren’t, but have fully agreed that we will both be ready to start next summer (2020) on my 30th birthday. All of that happened over many, many small conversations and the plans slowly became more and more concrete.