How did the TTC convo go with your SO?

posted 12 months ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
15002 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

There wasn’t much of a conversation for us.  I was almost 32 when we got married (he’s 5 years younger) so I told him, if we want kids, we should do it sooner than later, like.. right after getting married.  He wanted to wait… wait for what or when exactly, he couldnt say. Then somehow it turned into ok, lets go to Peru May next year to do the Inca Trail, and then Italy in Sept (14 months after the wedding), and we’ll start trying on that trip… and he agreed.  Took us 6 years to have our baby anyways so good thing we didn’t wait much longer than taht.

Post # 17
Member
9398 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Didn’t really have a convo about it. I knew dh was ready to start trying a few years ago, so it was up to me to decide when to pull the goalie. When I was ready to start NTNP, I just told him when I was planning on stopping my pills and he was like 👍

Post # 18
Member
39 posts
Newbee

We talked about an overall timeline including engagement, marriage, buying a new house, and TTC. He has always said that he could go either way about having kids as he has two with his ex-wife who we share custody 50/50. I have made it clear that I want to to have one of our own as well. It also was fit into a timeline of I’d like to have kids before I’m 35 and he’d want to have them before he was 38 (he is older than I am). The first few conversations were talking in vague timelines and terms which was frustrating to me but as we progressed through our relationship, the conversation became much more concrete with us hoping to start TTC in the fall of this year. 

Post # 19
Member
8768 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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kmbumbee190618 :  for the first kid we had a pregnancy scare due to me screwing up my pills on our honeymoon. We had planned to start a few months later and we just said screw it and started early. Glad we did since we ended up needing help. We are going to use a frozen embryo this summer and I said point blank to his face “I want another baby” and he was worried about logistics, finances, the house, etc but when I reminded him that I didnt want to wait and give birth in my late 30s he said “ok” hahahaha

So basically when I want a baby I tell him and he goes along. He always wanted at least 2 kids and is an awesome dad but I’m the more decisive partner so I took the lead. 

Post # 20
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We’ve talked about kids since pretty early on in our relationship and have always been on the same page. I think he is slightly more excited to be a dad than I am to be a mom one day. Our plan is marriage, house, baby, and we are getting close to being engaged (June-ish). I asked him recently when he realistically wanted to start TTC and he said “oh idk, maybe in a year and a half?” Which will put me at 29 and I think that is very comfortable for me. 

Post # 21
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Similar to others, there wasn’t one conversation when everything was decided. We have spoken for years about our future. That meant where we want to live, kids, what type of house we want, getting a dog, jobs and career progression…etc

When we got engaged last year I was so excited about getting married that I wasn’t even thinking about kids for another couple of years. I never got the impression that he would be ready for a while either. So it was always a far-off future conversation.

Then on our wedding night he was basically like yeah, ok so how about we start trying in a year? I was taken aback but agreed! Well a couple months later he turned 30 and it hit him pretty hard so we went on one last international trip and now he’s ready to try so just 9 months after the wedding. Who knows how long it’ll take to conceive, but I’m excited to start this next month! I’m 28 and it feels right.

So yeah sorry long post but basically things just morphed over time!

Post # 22
Bee
284 posts
Helper bee

We brought up the conversation early on! Having kids was a dealbreaker for me entering into any relationship that I was serious about, so I think I mentioned something along the lines of “when I have kids, XYZ” and he was immediately receptive and reciprocated with a “yeah, when I have kids, I think I might have a similar approach.”

Our current plan isn’t entirely concrete, but after having a serious conversation about timelines and such, I told him I would like to begin TTC around 29-30 (in 3-4 years). He’s four years older than I am, and he feels that my timeline works perfectly for him, as neither of us is ready right now, but know we both want children in the not-too-distant future. I think we’re about equally excited to be parents, and that’s incredibly reassuring, as I’ve known my entire life that I would like to, someday, be a mom 🙂

Post # 23
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

We’ve talked about it (not married yet) quite a bit! I’m only 25 so we have a bit of time, however we’d like a big family, my SO is 6 years older than me, and I have a family history of fertility troubles, so we’ll likely start NTNP quite soon after we’re married.

Post # 24
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

We had the defining conversation when I went to the ob/gyn for a gynaecological issue and the doc suggested for us to not wait any longer and to try soon. We started trying the same cycle. Without that advice my husband would probably want to wait a few many more years.

Post # 25
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Ours happened after we had been together for about two months. It started with me telling him I was pregnant! After we got over the shock, we were pretty excited, but it didn’t work out as the pregnancy was ectopic. And then we have just been trying ever since. I told him after I first date that I was looking for marriage and children because he had been married previously and so I wanted to make sure we both were after the same thing before moving too far forward. But we hadnt actually had a TTC conversation prior to that first pregnancy. 

Post # 26
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

From early on in our relationship we discussed children & how we both wanted them. I was happy to have a child first and marriage after but my husband was not. He has a daughter from a very young relationship (he was 16) and it was very easy for the birth mother to push him out of her life. He had very limited rights as they weren’t married. So he was marriage first, kids after. 

Once we got married we waited 3 months to be safe as we had honeymooned in a Zika area. But it took 9 cycles for a BFP but that ended in MC and a further 3 cycle for our son. So we were married 2yrs and 2 months before we had a baby, I thought we have one around our 1st anniversary. When DS turns 1 we plan to start trying again

Post # 27
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Darling Husband and I had a talk last June about TTC. We decided that we would start trying at the end of 2018. We were both on the same page. But since most of our close friends had trouble conceiving, Darling Husband said that we would just not be that careful until November or so. So basically NTNP. Anyway, that was 10 months ago….and now I have this guy lol (I got pregnant the week this conversation took place) 

Post # 29
Member
8768 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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kmbumbee190618 :  our original number was 3-4 but after one we will likely stop at two (husband says definitely stopping at two so we’ll see, but I’m inclined to agree with him). 

Post # 30
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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kmbumbee190618 :  It is a bit hard thinking of friends who are having trouble. DHs cousin had been trying for almost a year when we finally announced to family. She was happy for us, but you could tell she was slightly disappointed (and I understand that). I hoped she would be pregnant by the time he was born but unfortunately it still hasn’t happened. But you do need to focus on your own family and do what’s right for you guys

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