How did the TTC convo go with your SO?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
2819 posts
Sugar bee

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mrscb2bee :  Aww, what a cutiepie! 

We’ve had a number of conversations over the years and have always been on pretty much the same page, but we aren’t TTC yet. We both feel emotionally and financially ready. Waiting is more logistical for us.

We’re in a small apartment in a very expensive area right now, and ideally we’d prefer to relocate to a more affordable area where we can see putting down roots before we have kids. So that’s been in the back of our minds as a goal before we start TTC. But at this point the move date could be a couple years off, and if that’s the case I’d like to TTC before then. In an ideal world we’d buy a house first, too, but since that seems a ways off I’d settle for a 2 bedroom apartment with in-unit laundry. 

I’ll be 30 in a little over a year, and while I know that’s still young, I’d like to start trying around then in case it takes a while (we’d like 2 kids). I’d love to be done having kids by the time I’m 35. I know the health risks increase only marginally at that age, but I’m a worrier and I’d rather take as few risks as possible.

Post # 32
7423 posts
Busy Beekeeper

While we were dating we discussed it very hypothetically and just kinda confirmed we both did want kids “one day.” While engaged we talked in more concrete terms and agreed we’d probably start trying a year after our wedding. Then we got married and a few months later I was feeling ready. I was 32 at that point and my mom had struggled with secondary infertility after having me, so I was feeling some anxiety about my own fertility. I checked in with dh to tell him I was feeling ready now, even though it was earlier than we’d discussed. I then dropped it and gave him time to process that info on his own. A couple months later he said he was ready and we started trying. After about six months TTC including a miscarriage, we conceived our daughter, who was born almost six months ago. Now we’re starting to think about baby #2, tho still pretty hypothetically at this point. We’ve not really established a concrete timeline for that yet but I can see feeilng ready potentially this fall when dd turns 1. I just got my cycle back, which is def making me think about it more. We’ll see!

Post # 33
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Ours was an ongoing conversation the entire time we were dating/engaged. I already had a child from a prior marriage, so it’s not like we were kid free when we started dating. Originally we were going to wait to start for a little bit after the wedding. However, on our wedding day after we said our vows and were having private time immediately following the ceremony, my husband said “You should stop taking your birth control. Let’s make a baby!” LOL I was ready, as well, so we started TTCing right away.

Post # 34
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

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kmbumbee190618 :  We didn’t have one for our first.  For our second we hemmed and hawed for a solid year and then tried for a year.  For our third we hemmed and hawed almost immediately after having the second but didn’t TTC until the baby was just over a year.

Post # 35
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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kmbumbee190618 :  Very cute how your dh mixed up getting pregnant and having a baby lol. Men are a little clueless about this stuff. When we first decided to have a baby my dh was like whenever you want too! Now that we have an almost 6 month old I brought up to him the other day about if we will ever try for baby #2 he was like let’s definatly talk about that! Seems he has an opinion now lol . I defiantly am not ready to try again so soon but I wanted to see what his reaction would be now that we have a baby. Anyways  Good luck! Sounds like you guys are pretty much on the same page which is important!!

Post # 36
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

We both established early on when we started dating that we each wanted (more) children — both divorced, he has two kids from his previous marriage, I have none. It was important that we didn’t waste each other’s time if our wants were incompatible. Throughout our 3 year relationship, I’ve been up front about the fact that I would only have children with a man I’m married to (just a personal preference, I have no issue with others who have children unmarried). So from there, we began to have more conversations about how soon after marriage we’d ideally like to start TTC. Due to our ages and the ages of his older children, we decided to start TTC right after the wedding. Open and regular communication was an absolute must for us in this situation to ensure our goals and expectations remained on the same page.

Post # 39
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We had smaller discussions all the way through our relationship, there wasn’t one huge TTC discussion. We agreed before our wedding to start trying right after, because I have a son from a PR so it was important to me to keep them as close in age as we could. It made sense for us, we both agreed, and followed our plan. It helped that we were always on the same page, we never once disagreed about the timeline or anything. 

Post # 40
2837 posts
Sugar bee

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kmbumbee190618 :  We were talking about it a lot, because we both think we want kids, but since we met later in life (been married 1.5 years and I’m 29), and because of my PCOS, we feel time pressure even though we’d much rather wait and be married a few years first. So it’s a balancing act for us, because you just never know how difficult conceiving might be, but you also don’t want to have kids before you’re ready out of fear of fertility issues. 

So, we tabled the discussion with a promise of revisiting it last December. Last October, we decided there were a few more big trips we wanted to take first, so we’ve tabled the discussion until September of this year. 

We are on the same page in that we’d both rather wait a few more years, but I’m more anxious because of my age and PCOS, whereas he has faith we won’t have issues. 

Post # 41
18 posts
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am a planner by nature, so we had a set timeline for a while. We decided to wait three years after we were married so that we could do a few big trips before having a baby. Well, last summer we were in Iceland for his birthday and our two-year anniversary and I may have had a little too much champagne… I ended up telling him I thought I should go off my birth control right then and see what happens, just in case it took a long time to get pregnant. (A lot of our friends experienced infertility, so it was always at the back of my mind.) I think he was so shocked I was deviating from my plan that he agreed. And here we are, due with our first around the same time we originally planned to start trying! 

Post # 42
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We got married in may last year and had agreed we would start trying around October this year. Then October last year I mentioned that I felt ready so he could just let me know whenever he was, and he said January 2019. 

I came off BC in December and am currently 5 weeks pregnant 😁

We’ve always been quite laid back with big decisions, it’s always more like one of let’s the other know we are ready, and to say when you are too. 

Post # 43
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We’ve been married about a year and a half, and we’re both 32. I’ve always been more gung-ho about babies, but DH has come around. Our big barrier to starting TTC is that we want to move out of our current city, which will likely mean we both have to find new jobs. I’ve been looking in the area we want to move to, but haven’t found anything yet. DH just bought a parenting book of his own volition though, so I think he’s getting more and more onboard. I gave him a stern warning that I want to not be too much older when we start trying. Hopefully things start moving soon! In the meantime, I’m getting in shape (down 8 pounds and halfway to my goal!) and we’ve saved about $30k towards a house.

Post # 44
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Well, we had another conversation last night. He said “let’s make a baby right now”. Of course, I am waiting for my AF, so it was a good laugh. 

We agreed to NTNP so that we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves. But, it’s more like a combo because I’m still temping and charting. 

We will see!

Post # 45
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I got married at 32 so we didn’t have any time to waste. We started trying on our honeymoon. My husband was ready and willing, so we didn’t really discuss anything, just had a lot of sex. 

P.S. We own a home, don’t have credit card debt, fully fund our retirement accounts, both have 6 figure salaries, etc. So we didn’t have financial or life goals left to accomplish before being ready to have kids. 

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