How did you bring up the timeline talk?

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I get why you’re nervous about bringing it up, but the thing is, sitting on these feelings or hoping he’ll intuit what you want won’t resolve anything. My advice is to not build up the outcome of the conversation in your head – it doesn’t have to be a make or break relationship situation. It’s just another conversation about your future together.

Just say something like “hey, when you said the other day you need two more years to be an idiot, it made me think about our timeline. I’m totally on board to wait XX years until we have kids, but I’d like to be married YY amount of time before we have them. That would put us being engaged by this time, married by that time, in order to get to the kids part before I’m 35 and it would be medically dangerous for me. What do you think about that timeline?” And open it up for a conversation. 

Post # 17
Member
9335 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

charleysgirl :  

How long ago was your most recent conversation about marriage?

Post # 18
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee

sassy411 :  for those in healthy relationships, I think it’s more of an intrinsic anxiety. I agree that women should be able to have a say in their own futures when it comes to marriage, and would absolutely never advise anyone to avoid the topic completely. I just empathize with overcoming the internal struggle to actually saying something, and wondering what exactly to say when the time comes to ease our own nervousness.

 

I’ve gotta say, though, I love your all-or-nothing-caution-to-the-wind attitude when it comes to broaching this topic. One day, hopefully, all women will develop ovaries of steel and get down to business like you lol!

Post # 19
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would have a more specific timeline for engagement and marriage before a cross country move. If you are worried about the conversation feeling awkward or “forced,” I would bring up his comment so he has a reference point. Something like, “Hey, remember when we were talking about kids and family the other day and you mentioned you’d like to wait two more years? Did you mean two more years before engagement/marriage or two more years before actually trying to have children? Just wanting to make sure our timelines match up.”

Post # 20
Member
9335 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

azf0019 :  

‘Ovaries of steel’!

I’m dying.  Can I use that?

Old age helps.  Get put in your place enough times and live to tell the tale and eventually it dawns on you—nobody dies of rejection.

 

Post # 22
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

charleysgirl :  I understand! Hopefully it’ll go smoothly and we’ll see you showing off a rock in no time! 

Post # 23
Member
9335 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

charleysgirl :  

You’re making perfect sense.  Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, hold your nose and get it over with.  Usually, the anxiety is much worse than the actual event.

’So, babe.  What did you mean when you said you wanted to be an idiot for two more years”?

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