(Closed) How did you choose between being a working mom or SAHM?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: What are you doing now that you have kids?
    I am a stay at home mom : (16 votes)
    26 %
    I work outside of the home full time : (33 votes)
    54 %
    I work outside of the home part time : (6 votes)
    10 %
    I work from home : (5 votes)
    8 %
    My SO stays at home while I work : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 32
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    JenGirl:  If there was a stay at home parent in our relationship, it would be Darling Husband.  It makes sense for us because my career just has more opertunities and better pay.  Also, Darling Husband is limited by the fact that you have to retake the bar exam in most states if you move.  We made the decision a long time ago that if we were to follow anyone’s career, it would be mine.

    That said, it is still highly unlikely that we would be in a position where we could afford to have a stay at home parent.  We do all right, but we have a lot of school debt left and it will be at least 8 years until it is paid.  Also, I don’t particularly like having the weight of being sole bread winner on my shoulders unless the career that came with it was something I would love. 

    Post # 33
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Your children are only young once.  Especially in the first 5 years they grow and learn SO much.  This is you life, this is not a dress rehearsal! I chose to stay home so that I could be there and experience life as it came at us every single day with my kids.  My oldest is 16 and my youngest just turned 1 so I know that it flies by in the blink of an eye and you can’t get it back.  I wouldn’t take a job paying millions of dollars if it meant I wasn’t here with my babies.  Worth it. No regrets.

    Post # 34
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I intially went back full time but was desperately missing my daughter. It killed me that my mom would tell me all the new things she did that day. So just about a month ago I was VERY lucky to find a part-time position in my field (which is very rare) that is only 5 minutes down the street from my house. I am still practicing in my field and they are happy to bring me on full time again once my daughter and future babies are in school. I work 3 days a week, 1 of which is at home. I am still using my degree and making good money, and in case anything happens I have the ability to go back full time and fully support myself and my daughter. I also get more time with my daughter. Win-win!

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  GingerBaby.
    Post # 35
    638 posts
    Busy bee


    Truffle-hunter:  I really agree with you. I barely remember my nanny from when my mom went back to work, but I’m 25 and still call my mom to chat! My parents genetics/personality were what influenced me, much less than random caretakers that I have had. Honestly, being a Stay-At-Home Mom is great because it often is less stressful for the parents. The benefits for children are negligible when controlled for socioeconomics. 

    Post # 36
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

     My baby is only a month old, but for now I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom. I will probably go back to work part time before she’s a year old, if I can find a good position. my reasons for wanting to go back are partly financial and partly to stay current in my field. We are blessed to be able to live off my husbands income alone, but it’s definitely a bit tighter and we can’t save very much. It hurts my heart to think about going back full time or anytime soon, though. I think my baby would be fine but I would miss her too much! 

    My husband would be a great Stay-At-Home Dad, and it’s something we’ve actually discussed since I would make more than he does working full time, and I wouldn’t need to travel for work like he does. For now I’ll be the one at home though, it makes more sense since I’m nursing her and not ready to go back emotionally, as well as where our careers are currently (His growing exponentially, me without a job lined up). 

    For what what it’s worth, until we starting thinking about having a baby I never wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I would have laughed had you told me 5 years ago I’d be putting my career on hold to be home with my LO. 

    Post # 37
    6441 posts
    Bee Keeper

    beetee123:  didn’t have a choice, we couldn’t afford for me to stay at home.  We had our daughter before planned, however, our daughter does the benefit of being with both of us for her days and nights.  I work during the day, and my husband at night, so she spends the day with my husband and the night with me.  It is hard working that opposite shift, but I wouldn’t change it because our daughter has gotten such valuable time with us.  Now I work full time while my husband works part time.  It works for us, and I know we wouldn’t do it again, but I’m glad I work full time, I couldn’t be a Stay-At-Home Mom,  I don’t have the patience or the wherewithall to be with my daughter non-stop all the time.  I love her to pieces and love and cherish the time I spent with her, but the 6 weeks maternity leave I had, nearly drove me nuts.  My husband is a much better quasi Stay-At-Home Dad than I am Stay-At-Home Mom.

    Post # 38
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    beetee123:  What about working part time? That way you can keep your foot in the door and then still be around for the kids

    I read a study that said that part time working mothers are the happiest. Seems it might be the best of both worlds

    Also I would def try to get some experience working before you have children if you do decide to stay home. A career gap is hard but if you graduate and immediatly have kids and don’t have any work experience in your field  I think that would really really make it tough to get a job later. 

    Post # 39
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    When time comes to have children, I don’t really have to choose because there is no question about it.  I would not want to stop working.  In my career, you can’t really take years off and get back into it, plus I would have to continue to pay my licensing fees to keep it active whether I’m working or not.  I enjoy my career, I couldn’t not do do it.  If that makes sense.

    Our situation is a bit unique as well, I mostly work swing shift and FH works days so there are only a few hours a day that we would need child care covered by someone else.

    Post # 40
    7843 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Foreverblonde345:  I completely agree with you about older kids needing the Stay-At-Home Mom just as much or more than little ones!

    I worked full time till my oldest daughter was 10 and then have stayed home with her and my 3 year old for the last 9 months.  As my daughter got older it was harder to do all the activities- soccer, band, girl scouts that come with active kids.  And don’t forget, older kids need before/after care unless you are comfortable having your 7 year old come home to an empty house- what we spent on aftercare was as much as full time care for our toddler. 

    Post # 41
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t choose, because I do both. I work part time night shift as a nurse but am basically a Stay-At-Home Mom. There are only 1-2 days out of the week where I sleep for a few hours when I get home, and I work around my husbands schedule.

    Post # 42
    1 posts

    MrsCallalily:  you’re married, there’s no “your husband’s money.” You wouldn’t be spending it AS IF it’s your own – it is. Just like yours is also his. That’s how marriage works. 

    Post # 43
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee

    I am married and we do have our own money. If I didn’t make my own money then yes it would be our money. So ill rephrase and say I would not feel comfortable spending OUR money on just myself. 

    Post # 44
    2692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I love being a sahm so the choice is pretty clear for me.  I don’t regret being a sahm.  I think I would still be working if I lived in Boston but since I moved here I pretty much kew I would be a sahm.  I have 4 kids now and well, it just makes more sense to stay home… all 3 older kids are in school but my 7 and  6 year old have weird school scheudules so it wold be hard working around that.  I do live close to my il’s but I woldn’t want to have to rely on them too heavily for child care. There are days I itch to go back to work (work at home maybe) but for the most part I love my life and what I do.

    Post # 45
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    MrsCallalily:  I can relate to everything you’ve said! And I understand why you’ve said it the way you did. 🙂<br />

    The topic ‘How did you choose between being a working mom or SAHM?’ is closed to new replies.

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