(Closed) How did you choose your bridesmaids?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

Is foregoing a bridal party an option?

Post # 3
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Since you have time and are so unsure try to bond with your sisters, nieces, friends first without saying anything about them being in the wedding. Couple phone calls or lunches. Hopefully this can help you gauge who cares about you and will end up supporting you through your wedding process. 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Sometimes the best way to stop arguments is to go with family. I have 2 younger sisters, and more than 4 or 5 friends that seemingly expect to be bridesmaids, and even then I’m bound to upset other friends. Instead, I’m just going with my sisters, therefore there its not a case of a single friend being chosen over the others. Mind you, I’m sure any friends you have would feel a slight pang of sadness at not being asked, but in the end, it’s your wedding, and you do what you want 🙂 I know quite a few people that are no longer friends with their chosen bridesmaids. At least with family they can’t get mad at you and run off :p

Isn’t it funny that as soon as people find out that you are engaged, friends start acting all chummy and close? ;p “Ohhh, let me help you with the flowers/picking your dress/etc”. It makes you wonder if they are being geniune or just wanting to be in the bridal party!

Regardless, I’m sure your wedding will be wonderful no matter who you pick 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

Maid/Matron of Honor best friend for 8+ years

Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 my Maid/Matron of Honor cousin who is an amazing friend. Always positive and good laughs. Known her for about 4 yr 

Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 my gym / foodie friend. Known her about  a year and a half

Bridesmaid or Best Man 3 ex coworker. We call each other friendship and I’ve know her for about 5 years. 

These are the girls i am closest to. I can call them and tell them anything. They all are happy that I have found my Mr. RIGHT

Post # 6
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I haven’t spoken to my sister in years. It’s long, it’s complicated, blood is not thicker than water in my book- so she’s out!

I chose my 2 best friends, my 2 very close friends, and my junior Bridesmaid or Best Man is my father’s girlfriend’s daughter (basically my sister). I have a few close friends versus many friends. I have a lot of coworkers and college friends I see regularly, but these 4 girls are my rocks.

Post # 7
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I have chosen:

Maid/Matron of Honor: sister

Bridesmaid or Best Man1: soon to be sister-in-law as we are very close 

Bridesmaid or Best Man2: cousin

I am very close to all three & consider them my best friends. I don’t have any super close friends that I have known for a long time (5+years) & I didn’t want anyone in the bridal party that I might fall out with / lose contact with. I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man before for a girl who I am no longer friends with & I didn’t want this to happen to me. (Side note: she is now divorced so I don’t have to feel bad about her wedding photos anymore!)

Post # 8
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
loveinamist:  I chose:

  • MOH–My oldest sister
  • MOH–My best friend since I was 10
  • Bridesmaid–My middle sister
  • Bridesmaid–My best friend since I was 14
  • Bridesmaid–My best friend since I was 16
  • Bridesmaid–My best friend since I was 16
  • Bridesmaid–My brother’s SO of 6 years who I’m really close to
  • Bridesmaid–My FI’s older sister

I am close with all of these ladies and I love them dearly. I couldn’t imagine not having them up there with me. I didn’t ask another friend that I somewhat drifted apart from and another one of my close friends dropped some MAJOR hints that she had been a bridesmaid once and never, ever wanted to do it again. I asked her anyways and she politely declined haha.

Post # 9
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings.  I have about 12 friends that I am very close with (not all know each other either).  I decided when I got engaged that I could not choose between them, and I would not rank my friendships.  I know some other friends have been very hurt to not be chosen as a birdesmaid in weddings.  My choice was to not have a wedding party, with one exception that was a given.  My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor.  We are very close in age, and we have a very close relationship.  

If I did NOT have my sister, I think I would not have a bridal party at all.  I feel like your friends and family are all there for you regardless of being in the party or not.  You can still invite them to your bachelorette party and pre-wedding pampering as you like.  When I told my friends I would not be having a bridal party, many said they understood and even appreciated not having the financial burden of being in the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
loveinamist:  I knew I wanted a small bridal party (in fact, I thought I could have done without one, but I’m glad I went with a small one).  I have two best friends who are clearly my best friends – I wouldn’t have ever wanted to choose between them, and if I would have extended beyond those two friends, I would have ended up having to make difficult, awkward choices.  And then I have a sister who is 17 years younger than me who will be my third bridesmaid.  While we’re not super close given the age difference, she is super excited about being a bridesmaid, and so I’m really happy she’s in the wedding.  (Though honestly I probably won’t care at all about being a bridesmaid when she gets married and I’m over 40, which is more the situation you’re in.)

Post # 11
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I did family only. I have a big tightknit family and my cousins and I are all close to the same age and have great relationships. My friends were very understanding (even though I was in all of their weddings). It would have been impossible to include all the friends I wanted PLUS my family. I would’ve had 10+ bridesmaids. So, I decided to stick with family. I’m very happy with my choice. I know that no matter what when I look back at my wedding photos, I will still have a connection to each and every one of my bridesmaids. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. That was a no-brainer for me. There is also the bonus of if any one of them is being difficult, won’t order their dress, etc, I can just call up my aunts and uncles and they’ll handle it. Thankfully, I don’t foresee that as necessary, and they’ve already ordered their dresses. They’re great and I love them to death!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by littleanchor.
Post # 12
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I chose my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and my Future Sister-In-Law is my FI’s best woman.  We decided it was best to go with family. I have two groups of friends that I’m extremely close with, and I could not pick and choose. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling or end up with a huge bridal party.  Family will always be family, so I felt it was a safe choice and would eliminate any drama. Plus it’s been a good opportunity to get closer to my sister (we have an 8-year age difference) and get to know my Future Sister-In-Law better.

Post # 13
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I sat and thought who do I LOVE the most and want to have standing besides me and in my pictures for the rest of my life? That left me with:

1. Maid/Matron of Honor = Newer friendship but knows the groom and was my soulmate/roomate during graduate school.

2. Bridesmaid or Best Man1 = Best friend from childhood although we may not talk as often anymore, the love is there and it is mutual. Hasn’t even met the groom.

3. Bridesmaid or Best Man2 = Best friend from high school and I’m Maid/Matron of Honor at her wedding. Has met the groom but only once or twice.

4. Bridesmaid or Best Man3 = Cousin, recently became closer but is one of those people you just click with immediately, and I feel like we’ve known each other since forever, although we just met a couple of years ago. Knows the groom well.

5. Bridesmaid or Best Man4 = Best friend from college, was like a sister to me and I love her dearly. Met the groom once.

If you are not sure, just don’t have a bridal party at all. This should feel right! You are asking them to spend money, invest time, and you need to be close to them and know they’ll reciprocate the enthusiasm and love.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by MuseForever.
Post # 14
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We knew that we were going to have a small wedding (family only). Although this in no way means that we had to have a small wedding party, I thought it would be best.

I decided on my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and SIL as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. DH had his brother (BM), and Brother-In-Law (GM – sister’s hubby).

My mom questioned why I would have SIL in there (she questioned everything I wanted to do),  but we really do see his SIL and DH a lot, and are very close to them. I never questioned my decisions.

Take your time, especially since you’re having a long engagement. We didn’t order dresses until 5 months before the wedding, and they were in well before then… so you have time to decide.

 

Post # 15
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
loveinamist:  I”m fairly close with my sisters, one more than the other.  There’s 2 and 7 years between us – the older one was Maid/Matron of Honor and the younger a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I also chose a girl that has been my friend for almost 20 years.  I consider her a BFF even though we only catch up a couple times a year and rarely see each other (We live in different provinces) I know she would be there for me in an instant if I needed her and I’d be there for her.  My 4th was a girl I met about 11 years ago, we haven’t lived in the same city for 9 years, hadn’t seen each other for 7 and had sporadically kept in touch, she came to visit a couple years ago and it was like I’d seen her a week before.  We realized what a great friendship we have and now we talk almost daily. 

I chose people who support me, care about me, and were the top people I HAD to tell the minute we got engaged.

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