Post # 1
Just wondering HOW everyone decided who would be their maid-of-honour? Did you pick your bestfriend? Your oldest friend? Your sister? How did you come to your decision?
Okay, now for the awkward part of the post. I understand I could get some ‘volatile’ feedback from this question lol. BUT did anyone pick their Maid/Matron of Honor and then chage their mind and wish they had asked someone else. For instance, if your BMs included your sister, FI’s sister and a friend. If you chose your friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor… and if you wished you had asked your sister instead… I guess after thinking about that ‘bond’ that you have with your siblings…. and the idea that friends come and go but family is forever….
I know it is rude to ‘demote’ a Maid/Matron of Honor to a Bridesmaid or Best Man… but has it been done? Is it really a big deal? It only means that they sit next to you on the bridal table and are partnered with the best man… right?
Fiance and I have not formally asked everyone to be in our bridal party… there has just been some casual chit-chat. We are in the process of planning a Bridal Party Dinner which is where all the ‘formalness’ will take part. I just don’t know if I am asking for trouble if I ask my sister instead of my friend.. I have just been let down by my friend a lot lately and it is making me question our friendship.
What does everyone think about my situation? Or even the scenario in general?
Thanks Bees xx
Post # 3
@kfiorita: The fact that you say that your friend has been letting you down lately is already a signal that she may not be a good person for Maid/Matron of Honor. Do you not read all these (ridiculous) Bridesmaid or Best Man threads on here? Most brides had the signs there from the beginning that the person would be a flake, or complain, or not want to do anything, etc etc and pick people anyway.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend of basically my whole life. Our parents knew each other before we were even born. At my 3rd birthday party she is sitting right next to me in pictures. She is a single mom of THREE kids and I know she couldnt do much but I knew she has to stand next to me on my big day. My sister is just a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 4
@gelaine22: Thanks for the feedback 🙂 It’s good to hear what others think!
Post # 5
@kfiorita: ” It only means that they sit next to you on the bridal table and are partnered with the best man… right?”
And next to you in the photos (and at the altar), and probably the main person planning the hens’ night, though in my experience there’s usually shared planning. From this forum I get the impression that Maid/Matron of Honor is a bigger deal in North America than it is here (Australia).
Sister is the natural and normal choice. Why do you think this could cause problems?
Post # 6
Well, one if demoting her wasn’t a big deal, it wouldn’t be a big deal to just let it be. It could hurt her feelings, or it could not. That depends on how sentimental or how close you two are. Could you possibly have two MOH? Maid/Matron of Honor 1 and Maid/Matron of Honor 2? But such a simple solution may not be available if you think you may come to resent the friend Maid/Matron of Honor for not “being their for you”.
As for my decision as who will be my MOH? I haven’t made that yet. I have informed the BM’s that they are BM’s. But I have not anounced the Maid/Matron of Honor, even though each of them has asked. And alot of bee’s may find this tacky, but I’m waiting to get a feel as to who is going to step up and really actually want to help me. I understand people are human, but I’ve been let down too many times to just make a quick decision on who’s going to be my “right hand (wo-) man” on what is suposed to be one of the most important days of my life.
Post # 7
@paula1248: Thanks for the input 🙂 Makes a lot of sense to me. I didn’t really know that it is natural to ask your sister to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. However, I think you are right because as time has gone on I have noticed that the two of us are getting closer than we ever were previously. However, this could have a lot to do with me moving out with Fiance (which in turn meant that sis and I were not always in each other’s faces lol) So yeah I can see how it is natural. I just feel so special when she gets excited about my wedding and the planning and so on. 🙂
In relation to your question as to why I would think it would cause problems… I have already mentioned to my friend that I would have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor… so I feel quite guilty about ‘taking it back’. Even though she has let me down… I still feel general guilt about it. I guess it will not cause as much trouble as me asking another friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. compared to asking my sister.
I am just worried that I will hurt people’s feelings. I don’t want to be a bridezilla lol. But at the same time I remembe that this is MY wedding and I have the power to make whatever decisions I like.
Post # 8
@Chelle-Lee: I really like the tactic you are using to select your Maid/Matron of Honor. I wish I had thought about that earlier lol. I don’t think it is strange at all!!
I am only having 3 BMs. My sister, my friend and my FI’s sister.. so I don’t think the Maid/Matron of Honor1 and Maid/Matron of Honor2 idea would work in my favour… then my FI’s sister will feel shafted lol
MAYBE I should just bite the bullet and ask my sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I would really like to.. just so she knows EXACTLY how special she is to me (we haven’t always seen things eye-to-eye —- you know how sisters can be lol) Deep down I love her to bits and I guess I just want her to know that!
I guess I have just answered my own question. I want my sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor. How can I break this news to my friend? AGHHHHHHHH