(Closed) How did You Choose Your Officiant?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

elliecee:  We found him listed on wedding wire… He was AWUL. Better luck to you.

Post # 4
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

elliecee:  I actually really lucked out with this. We asked the same guy who married my FI’s parents, aunt and uncle and also his grandmother (she got remarried in May). He also baptized my FI and his cousin. Knows the whole family. 

I’m excited that it’s someone meaningful but also professional (Not a friend or relative who got ordained). We’ll start meeting with him next year for some marriage counseling. 

Post # 5
4062 posts
Honey bee

My daughter married 1.5 hours from home. I talked to officiants the venue had on their suggested vendor list, and ended up finding one on weddingwire. My daughter wanted a woman to officiate (her home pastor is a woman), and they wanted Protestant non-denominational, or neither of the bride or groom’s religions, to be neutral. One suggested vendor and another on weddingwire told me flat-out to find someone else. They were control freaks and wanted to charge big bucks and meet multiple times (3+ hour round trips) to “handcraft” a ceremony.

My daughter had found her religion’s ceremony online, with lots of choice flexibility, and wanted to use it. They ended up with extremely kind and compassionate woman, who cost less than half of those with the egos charged, and was flexible for the rehearsal timing, which was important with the venue.

I did about 95% of the pre-planning (FoB and I hosted) and narrowing-down of choices, but the bride and groom made all the final decisions. I would have to say that finding an officiant was one of the worst experiences. I think I talked to or e-mailed about 15 different officiants vs. 2 florists, 2 photographers, etc. The nastiest of officiants had a great weddingwire rating, and hundreds of reviews; the one they chose was just ordained a few years ago, and only had a few. I could tell over the phone who was a delight, and who was going to be a horror.  Good luck!

Post # 7
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

elliecee:  Our officiant chose us kind of. Lol. He is a very close family friend (has been close friends with my inlaws before my husband was even born). He has married other couples before, and was super amazing and funny during our ceremony! It’s very important to have someone that you trust and that you can establish some rapport with before the wedding. I would suggest asking friends or coworkers who are married who they used as an officiant on their wedding day. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  .
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  .
Post # 8
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We will be asking our officiant today – so hopefully we will have one shortly when my FI gets back from golfing with him 🙂

After looking around online for an officiant that was Christian but not the religion of either of our parents (we figured we would rather hurt both family’s feelings fairly by not picking one over the other), we ended up deciding it feels a lot more personal to have someone that knows us officiate the wedding.

My FI is asking his friend today and if he declines I have a friend whom we will probably ask since she would be great and I haven’t asked her about the other role I pegged her for.

Post # 9
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FI is Catholic though not a regular churchgoer, and I’m non-religious. We didn’t want to go through all the hoops to marry in the Catholic church, but FI did want to have a Protestant pastor bless our marriage. We found a minister in our neighborhood who was willing to officiate our ceremony, and she’s been so wonderful to work with! We did attend one of their services beforehand to make sure their church wasn’t too conservative, but they did have the gay pride rainbow emblem on their church sign, so we figured she’d be open-minded. She has been very understanding of our needs and is excited about our wedding. 

Post # 10
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

elliecee:  Our officiant is my childhood pastor, and my best friend’s dad. I have known the family for over 10 years, and I love them dearly – they’re a second set of parents and siblings to me. I’m very excited that he was willing to officiate for us! It’s nice that he knows us well, has a great sense of humor, is flexible and also knows how to do weddings. He’s done quite a few weddings before, so he’s been helpful in answering all of my (I’m sure goofy) questions about logistics and what’s appropriate and etc. I’m not sure if he’s planning on charging anything – but I’m hoping we can help pay for the family’s hotel and give them a nice gift. 

Post # 11
864 posts
Busy bee

My father is an ordained minister, so he’s marrying us in the church I grew up in <3 It means so much to me, and I’m incredibly excited. 

Post # 12
329 posts
Helper bee

We chose a destination wedding and were really stressing about finding an officiant in a state over 900 miles away. We looked up on WeddingWire and WeddingBee and anywhere we could think of, then checked their websites and reviews (some even had videos of their ceremonies online) then called and tried to spend some time just chatting to see if they “fit” us and our wedding vision. To be honest, none of them did, so my grandfather found a family friend who is ordained who will be doing it instead.

This is a weird situation, so I’m not sure if it will help you- but I would definitely say to keep looking until you find someone you feel comfortable with, and ask for recommendations from couples they’ve married before!

Post # 13
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I found ours on one of the wedding sites. He had good reviews, and we met with him and really liked him. Spoke with some others, but none of them compared to this other one. Plus alot won’t meet you again before the wedding and ours will. I think in a lot of these things, unless you know someone you just have to go with your gut.

Post # 14
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


The officiant was probably the most stressful decision we made (for me at least).  I grew up going to church, but as an adult, I have stopped going.  We were married outside, but I still wanted a minister to officiate.  We ended up going to a wedding about 6 mos before our own and I loved the officiant.  I told my husband and it turns out, he was good friend’s with my husband’s dad and had also married his brother.  My husband was so annoyed with himself that he hadn’t considered him before.  We loved him and got so many compliments on the way he performed the ceremony.

Post # 15
3303 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


I loved my officiant. She was the wedding consultant at the resort where we married. I found her very friendly and helpful. 

We chose our officiant for our vow renewal by choosing our chapel. The reverend has a company which provides officiants, ceremony sites, photography packages and a limosine if needed. 

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