- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Yes, his main reasons for not wanting to move in here are because it’s too cold and there is no defined space for him and his stuff. He’s from the south and loves warm weather, and in my apartment in the winter, it can get pretty chilly. I don’t mind the cold so much, but it really bothers him and he complains about it constantly. But I don’t care if he wanted the temperature at 95, he can turn it to whatever he wants. Since it’s an old building, the windows aren’t insulated, so I tend to keep the shutters closed in winter. This helps keep the heat in, but then he complains that it’s too dark. I told him, I don’t CARE, keep the shutters open and crank it to 95, but he still won’t move in here.
I also outlined how I would get rid of some of my furniture and how he could set things up for himself. Like I said before, he reluctantly admitted that that could be possible. But he does NOT want to move in here. He just doesn’t like it. It’s a massive loft, with no separators and no rooms, and I guess he doesn’t like that. We saw a small rental house that was ok, with defined rooms, and he prefers that over my place.
I’ve never lived with an ex-SO in this space, so that’s not the reason.
Anyway, I hope I haven’t made him out to be the total bad guy, although I’m so mad at him at this point that I have a hard time remembering why he can be good too. I just need to compromise too, to make him happy. The things that are so great about my apartment–he couldn’t care less about. He’s not a materialistic person, which can be good and bad. He’s lived for such a long time in such crappy bachelor places, that he has no real concept of what adult people are supposed to live. That sounds mean, but it’s seriously true.
@graciej: No, he won’t choose to be with me rather than at a friend’s couch. He says it’s a matter of principle now, because he feels like I didn’t work hard enough to help us find a new place. He says I gave up before even getting started and he resents me for assuming that my place is even at option. Even if it’s just for another year, till we can buy a home, he refuses to move in here.
@brielle: thanks for sharing your story! This is one of the most stressful things I’ve had to deal with. Yes, I’m lucky in that my life is not harder than this, but it’s still upsetting me so much. As for interior designers, short of getting one to build separate rooms in my apartment, there’s nothing I can do to make fiance happy here.
@joy2011 and @cabbagefairy: I know! He’s good in so many other ways, but is absolutely refusing to bend on this one. He says he believes in credible commitments and if I refuse to compromise on this aspect, then what does that say about me? So we BOTH have to move, because if he is forced to, then I have to as well. He wants some place where we can both be ok, which I get. I mean, if he’s so miserable here, then why force him? Like I said before, it could be freaking Trump Tower and if he hates it, he hates it. And it doesn’t make sense for BOTH of us to move again in a year, but he is just like that.
@coffeeandcream: he really can be like that! Not on a lot of things, but on a few big ones. Last night, I laid awake thinking of all the things he does that drive me crazy! I’m sure he has a list for me too! From his point of view, he probably thinks that I’m the bad one for wanting to make him move here when he has clearly said over and over that he doesn’t want to. The things that make my apartment so great are obviously not important to him. Then again, this is the guy who was defrosting frozen mice in one of his drinking glasses, to feed his pet snake.
@andielovesj: ITA. It’s hard. He can be really weird about particular things which, I think, stems from the type of research he does. He can really see things in black and white, which drives me crazy. He tries really hard to make me happy and learn to communicate with me (and believe me, I am not perfect either!). But on this particular thing, he wants his way. I get it that we have to compromise. We’d save some money in moving to a new place. But all the trouble and bother hardly seems worth it. I guess he figures that if he has to suffer the moving, then I should too.