- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2017
My boyfriend and I were talking about engagement rings this weekend after I gave my aunt my grandmother’s ring. We aren’t going to get engaged yet, but he is a major planner (typical Type A) and takes months researching things before he pulls the trigger.
When I was engaged previously, I had an asscher in a pave halo. I don’t know how exactly much my ex spent on it, but if I had to guess, it was at least $12,000. He picked it out.
My current boyfriend, for some reason, feels like he needs to spent at least that much on my ring. The only reason why he knows how much my ex spent is because my former best friend told him. I have told my boyfriend time and time again he does not need to spend anywhere near that amount of money. Normally he is very secure and does not compare himself to my ex. He also feels like he needs to buy something impressive to keep up with his friends who have spent minimum $10K on their fiancees/wives rings.
When I was engaged previously, I will admit, I was a bit obsessed with getting a really nice ring. So stupid I know, but I felt like I “deserved” it. Now that I’m 30, I realize that it isn’t all about the ring. My boyfriend has student loans and I would he rather spend the money paying those off instead of a ring for me.
So I’ve been stalking the ring boards for some time and became very interested in moissanite. I ordered an unenhanced moissy pendant for myself (I think it’s around 0.75ct) and quite frankly, I wasn’t impressed. I probably just got a dud, but it didn’t sparkle nearly as much as I expected (no “disco ball” effect at all) and the color bothered me, but I kept it since it was a pendant. I have considered a sapphire or other colored gemstone, but I think I really want a clear/colorless stone.
I then ordered a Forever One moissanite to see what the hype was about. Holy crap! It was gorgeous! I have never seen the Forever Brilliant so I don’t have it to compare to, but I was quite impressed with the F1. I have not seen an Amora Gem in person and am on the waiting list because I don’t want a 3 ct stone.
I showed the F1 to my boyfriend and he thought it was a diamond. I explained what it was and he was pretty impressed. I told him I would like to use that, or even consider an Amora Gem for my ring. At first he went along with it, but then he told me he feels like he would be “cheap” going with anything but a diamond. I showed Mr Research the cost difference, and I thought that would be enough to convince him. He said since he wouldn’t want me telling anyone it’s not a diamond, he just doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea. I said we can talk about it at a later time but I was clear that I don’t expect him to spend a lot of money on my ring. I told him maybe he would feel better if he researched it himself and he said he would.
I guess I don’t understand why he feels like he has to outdo my ex and keep up with his friends. Male ego?
Is there anything else I can do or say? Did any of you have to have this conversation with your SO? As I said, I thought the cost difference would be enough but apparently it’s not.