- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Fiance and I have been engaged for well over a year now, and have been spinning our wheels with regard to wedding planning the whole time because we still have absolutely no plan. We (well I mostly) keep changing our minds about the wedding we want, when to do it, where to do it, how much we can justify spending on it, etc. However, we both have always wanted is for our wedding to not be a typical wedding-industry production or a spectacle where we invite tons of people. We want it to be very intimate, warm and full of love (whether it just be a small gathering of immediate family and close friends only, or an elopement). The idea of putting on a performance for other people for such a meaningful moment of my life seems so very superficial to me.
After getting engaged in early summer 2011, I was disappointed to learn that wedding planning was not an exciting, giddy experience for me. Everything that we did – every bridal show, every vendor appointment, dress shopping (oh god how I loathed dress shopping)… made me either frustrated or just “eh.” And I think I’m starting to realize that maybe the reason I’m not getting excited about anything wedding-related is because maybe, just maybe, I am geared toward an elopement instead. It has always been in the back of my mind, and I constantly find myself fawning over the elopement stories and pictures in blogs.
My current fantasy: Book a 3/4-day weekend trip to Telluride, CO next October during the foliage, and stay at the cutest, coziest B&B we can find. Hire an amazing photographer (of course), find a JOP and say our vows in a pretty field somewhere with a gorgeous mountain backtop. Mini-moon around Telluride for the weekend. Mail out postcard announcements. Then! Fly directly from there to our honeymoon destination (somewhere in the Caribbean) where we’ll stay for a week or so.
I know what you’re thinking… so what’s the problem? Just do it because that sounds AMAZEBALLS!!!
Well, I’m worried about the idea of my parents not being there. I’m an only child and very close to my mom and dad (who are divorced; dad is single, mom is remarried). I know my dad has been looking forward to my wedding day for longer than I have, and has been very vocal about how he can’t wait for things like walking me down the aisle, having our dance etc. And I want those moments too! And getting ready with my mom… makes me tear up just thinking about it! I don’t want to regret missing those moments.
I know what you’re thinking now… so what’s the problem? Invite your parents to Telluride with you! Well, here’s the problem:
I’m worried about the (highly-likely) potential awkward-ness of having my mom and dad (divorced remember), step dad, FI’s brother, and then — the favorite wildcard — my Future Mother-In-Law, who noooooobody likes (martyr complex personality that literally brings drama wherever she goes — ruins b-days, holidays, etc.), but we can’t have my parents there are not have her there, per fiance. This is just not a good mix of people. Thinking about this small group of people around a dinner table together gives me nightmares. And I feel like having only this group would make us umcomfortable and ruin the spirit of the day, having to worry about how everyone there doesn’t like each other. Would I anticipate an outbreak of yelling? No, they’d act like adults. BUT the bitterness would be ever so present in the air.
The above situation I think would be defuseable by inviting more people and having a more traditional wedding. Not a 75+ person event, but like 30-40 or so (which was the original plan when we were on the wedding train), would be enough people to dispurse the immediate families amongst the other guests so those who don’t like each other don’t have to be right next to one another, and there would be substantially less worry and awkwardness. I’m sure I would enjoy having this kind of wedding… But planning it so far has turned me off like crazy!
My question is:
Is having a romantic elopement worth missing the moments with my mom and dad that I always thought I would have?
OR should I have the small wedding with family and friends and be able to make those once-in-a-lifetime memories?
P.S.: I dislike the idea of eloping and then having an “at home reception” with everyone afterwards.