How did you decide between eloping or having a wedding?

posted 1 year ago in Elopement
Post # 17
43 posts

We’re very private people just as a baseline. Neither of us want to deal with the stress of arranging a 300 person wedding (my family is huge and very close, nevermind his), and we definitely cant afford to do it at a level that would make it worth it to me. Even if we had an extra 30k to spend we’d both much rather put it into a big honeymoon, travelling for weeks around the world.

I will say that if our families were willing to pay for it, it would be a much harder choice to make. But they arent and we’re not, so elopment it is 🙂

Post # 18
382 posts
Helper bee

I decided to elope by trying to plan a wedding!  After trying to figure out the politics of the guest list and location and expenses, we realized that what we wanted from our experience was not consistent with the big party.  It became a source of stress I didn’t want and wasn’t looking forward to and that is no way to start a marriage.

What are your priorities in this process? What makes you happy?  The decision comes down to making your wedding a manifestation of the things that are important to you both and figuring out how to balance those priorities.  

For us, that meant focusing on each other, including our families and friends without stress, doing something meaningful and unique, traveling, pretty pictures, peace, and only spending money on enhancing those things.  


Post # 19
12 posts
  • Wedding: August 2018

We eloped (with my 2 kiddos) and did an intimate beach wedding and it was perfect. We had a cake, photos, beautiful ceremony, and without the stress or extra money for a bigger wedding. We used the extra money toward our house and vacations. It was perfect! 

Post # 22
58 posts
Worker bee

I eloped because I didn’t want a wedding and hubby was perfectly fine with it. We stayed at the only 5 star hotel in town the day before and day of, got dressed up (not wedding dress though) and hired an amazing photographer to take photos of us at the courthouse and at a location downtown and went to an amazing dinner. Came back to the hotel where we had a bottle of Dom Perignon, cake, chocolate covered strawberries and macaron and had a celebration. We took the money we would have spent on the wedding and spent the next 5 months traveling/road tripping. It was absolutely perfect for us and made a lot of great memories while knocking off some bucket list items instead of one big party.

Edit to add: we facetimed with family during the ceremony at the courthouse!

Post # 23
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

We eloped. We flew away bringing along only my daughter and her BFF. I did consider a small families-of-origin only wedding but decided against it because two of his siblings really suck. Neither of them would’ve wanted to come or cared that their brother was getting married. But they would’ve come anyway and it would’ve been uncomfortable. Plus if I got married in town I’d also want to invite my aunt. And then if I invite her I have to invite my other aunt and uncle, etc, and it was snowballing just being an idea in my head and completely stressed me out. 

Post # 24
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We eloped. It wasn’t a hard decision for us. Our family is spread out across the country. We are older. We are both introverts. We had some friends express disappointment, but it’s really the only thing I could imagine is doing. 

Post # 25
12 posts
  • Wedding: April 2019

We also eloped (but did tell our parents, families and friends prior!) Niether of us wanted a wedding so it was perfect for us. We got married on a beach in Barbados laughing

Post # 26
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We eloped bc two months into the engagement, I found out I was losing my job due to some company restructuring. We had bought a house two weeks before and weren’t living together prior to marriage. We called our parents and our minister, met at the park where we walked most afternoons, and that was that. 


I had a beautiful wedding with my first husband and it is a source of deep regret for me that MrT and I didn’t celebrate our wonderful relationship with our friends and family. Our families get along wonderfully and both sides have expressed regret that after all I went through with my first marriage and getting back on my feet, they weren’t there to celebrate with us. Soooo we are having a vow renewal at the our two year anniversary. Unconventional but, it works for us and we are excited. 


I typed all all that novel to say that people elope for different reasons and there is no reason you can’t have a future celebration. Love is always worthy of a happy party! 🙂 

Post # 27
11 posts
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Deer Park Hall, Worcester

My mum made the choice by making it very clear that even if we flew to the other side of the world to elope she would be there. We compromised by having a wedding with only 8 people including myself and my husband. The ‘big day’ also started at 11am and was finished by 3pm, we had a really quiet simple day (although if it were left to me it would of been much simpler) I also only paid for the rings – which were one of the most important parts to me, other than that I let my mother have her way, within reason. 

Post # 28
1525 posts
Bumble bee

Asked myself if I would one day regret not having a wedding and looking back on wedding photos with my loved ones, and of course beautiful memories….dancing with my grandpa. So glad I had the wedding now and it was worth the hassle and stress of planning.

Post # 29
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My husband didn’t care either way and I wanted a wedding so we had a small (?) wedding. (97 people)No regrets.  It was one of the best days of my life.  That said, we could afford it.  If it was a choice between a wedding or buying a house then we probably would have eloped.  

Post # 30
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

We have really struggled with this.  This is a second wedding for both of us, and our first instinct was to elope.  the more we got thinking about it, the more we realized we wanted a small group of friends and family with us.  We are planning on doing a very small wedding with 15 people 2 days after Christmas up in Northern New Hampshire.  Quick ceremony at a beautiful spot that we love, followed by a party at my friend’s brewery about 10 miles away.  An excuse for us all to get together and enjoy ourselves while celebrating the start of our new life together!

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