(Closed) how did you determine guestlist for non relatives

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: how did you determine non relatives/non family gustlist

    Local invites only/intown guests only

    mutual friends of you and your fiance

    mutual friends and seperate friends you both know

    parents friends one or the other knows

    family friends only


  • Post # 3
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Well my dad gave me his list tonight ranging from his secretary to his college roommate to his softball buddies parents…so there is no rules for ours and it’s getting a liiiittle crazy lol I have not met about 50 of his friends invited to the wedding, tho I do not advise this if you’re on a limited budget/space. 

    Post # 4
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It depends on the size of your guestlist. Our wedding is a little less than 90 guests. We invited all of our very close friends, and basically in general people who we would expect to be invited to their wedding/ hang out often.

    Post # 6
    1 posts

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    Post # 7
    1 posts
    • Wedding: March 2014

    [Comment moderated for trolling]

    Post # 8
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We had a cap on our guest list due to space constraints at our ceremony venue. We invited immediate family, grandparents, and the siblings of our parents. After that, we invited our closest friends (some of which the other doesn’t know), and several close family friends. There isn’t a formula. 

    I’m sorry she didn’t invite you. Maybe she is having a small wedding and is inviting mostly family and family friends. I have dear friends that we are not going to be able to invite because there is simply not room and we had to invite family or a local family friend first. I wouldn’t be too upset. Especially in this economy, it is sometimes impossible to invite everyone that you want to be there. 

    Post # 10
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I selected “mutual friends” but there are a few exceptions, like my friend from elementary school who lives out of town and invited me to her wedding last year. I think he has one or two long-distance friends on the guest list I don’t know, but for the most part we just invited people that we’ve spent time with together.

    It sucks not being invited, I’ve been there. The worst part was that she invited everybody else in a group of girls except for me, it was pretty awkward.  

    For what it’s worth, I feel horrible over the people I can’t invite. We’re only expecting 60 guests (inviting 75) due to budget constraints, so it’s not like we’re having a 300 person blowout and I’m not inviting some of my friends. Fiance has a really big family who takes up over half the guest list, so I think we only were able to pick around 12 friends each. It made me feel like I was doing the “Myspace Top 8” friend thing all over again.

    Post # 11
    2193 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We are just inviting people we are close to and want to be with on our special day. Most of them we have both met (as in I have met his friends and he has met mine) but there are one or two of his friends who I have yet to meet…but that’s ok. As long as one of us knows them!

    Post # 12
    1943 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Definitely depends.  My best friend from college just got married (to another of our college friends!) this weekend and didn’t invite me, but invited many of our mutual friends, and I’m genuinely sad about it.  But such is life; I know I could have kept in better touch with her and it wasn’t a huge wedding (not tiny though!)…. but still.  I look at the pics and I’m so happy for her and so disappointed I wasn’t there. 

    For us, I invited the friends I still feel connected with.  We are having a small wedding, so it isn’t that many people.  It’s the people who mean the most to me, whether I speak to them once a month or once a day.  I’m inviting two of my friends from high school (and not the other eight out of our “group”), the above mentioned friend from college (and not the others of that group of friends – I don’t think they would fly across the country for my wedding and we don’t have tons of space), my godsister, my best friend from graduate school, and then my absolute closest lifelong friends and my sister are in my bridal party.  Fiance is like me; he only has a few close friends who he truly cares about, so those are the ones invited. 

    Post # 13
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    for friends our own age, we thought about things like ‘have we seen this person in the last year?’ ‘do both of us like this person/do they like both of us?’ ‘did we go to their wedding/would we like to go to their wedding in the future?’ and – ‘will they know anyone else at the wedding?’


    I think that last one is important and not something people really think of. there’s no point inviting someone if they aren’t going to know anyone else there, unless they’re the kind of person who deals really well with that kind of situation. At my brother’s wedding he invited an old primary school friend who didn’t know anyone other than my brother, my parents and I but by the end of the night he seemed to be best friends with everyone! on the other hand we didn’t invite one of my husbands friends because he doesn’t know any of our other friends or family and is very uncomfortable around groups of unfamiliar people.


    with older family friends, the rule was ‘have we both met them?’ and ‘have I seen them regularly throughout my life?’ so not just people I knew when I was little, or parent’s friends that I have only met recently, but people that we have known for a long time and regularly stayed in touch with. Same rule applies about whether they would know anyone else there.

    We did have one exception of an old family friend who my husband hadn’t met, but that was only through bad timing – I’d been dying to introduce them for years so the wedding was the perfect chance!


    Post # 14
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee

    @outgoingcutie15:  But if you weren’t invited to their wedding, how do you have any idea how large their guest list was?

    Post # 15
    4 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    This is going to differ for every couple, I think. We’ve been invited to most of our friends’ weddings, but that doesn’t mean that we invited them. A lot of it has to do with the size of the wedding and the size of the families. Some people will choose to invite more family, and some to invite more friends. When parents contribute, they might also do so on the stipulation that they get to invite some of their friends.

    Are you trying to get ideas on how to do your guestlist? We started ours by each making a list of the people who absolutely had to be there. That gave us a starting point. As @kje_ said, the venues we were looking at and our budget also played a role in the size of our wedding. Both Fiance and I have friends and family who live far away and whom the other hasn’t met. That doesn’t automatically exclude them from the final list – they’re important to one of us, so they’re important to the other.

    Post # 16
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Our general idea was that we invited friends that we felt close to, and had either seen or spoken to in the last year or so. That was especially true for people who live in the same city as us, if we haven’t figured out how to make plans with them in a year or so then we didn’t invite them. 

    There are also some people that we might invite that are not B-list but aren’t our top priority.

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