Post # 1
So I am really close to sending out the Save the Dates and I am so worried about forgetting to invite someone.
I have a group of far away family and want to make sure I invite everyone that I should. I also have a group of friends from college, some I’m close with some I’m somewhat close with and some not at all. We have room to invite a whole bunch of people (cut of 250).
How did you all pick and choose who to invite. And I’ve heard of A list and B list. Do you have one of those? And how does that work? Thanks for any help or suggestions.
Post # 3
Save-The-Date Cards aren’t actuall invitations, so you don’t have to get every person. You don’t HAVE to send Save-The-Date Cards to every single guest. In fact maybe just send them to the VIP guests. Beacuse once you send an STD you have to invite them to the wedding, however every invitation doesn’t have to be preceeded by an STD. This is good if you invite people you might be new friends with now, but in a year don’t actually speak to any more, etc.
I’m assuming you already know the venue and ceremony’s seating capacity since you have a date already?
I would honestly invite that number, maybe a couple over, but that’s it. Some brides do have 100% attendance so that could lead to tricky situations if you invited way over the capacity.
I know some have done B-lists (which get sent out after the A-list people decline), but I am not a fan of this practice.
You can start with a list of must-haves – family, super close friends. See how many seats are left after that deduction.
For extended family, some couples have cut off lines, like aunts, uncles and 1st cousing but no 2nd cousins, for example. There is some fairness in clear lines like that that people seem to understand better.
Or you can split the remaining seats down the middle, and give half to you and half to your F (assuming you might not have the same exact friends).
Post # 4
We didn’t do an A-list and B-list. However, when we were first making our guest list, we just made a “master” list. We wrote down anyone and everyone who we might want to invite. So that way, we had everyone listed and wouldn’t forget anyone. From there, we cut back to make the numbers work. For us, it was easier to organize and visualize and prioritize that way.
Post # 5
@sienna76: That’s a great point!! Yes we have a venue and a date (the venue can seat up to 300.) It’s my grandmother’s church she is the reverend and is doing the ceremony.
I’m thinking of only sending out 200 invites because in our family its not unsual for some to just show up because they are family, it is really rude but just the way it is. 🙁 At 200 both sides of the family should be covered but they’re just a handful of friends I am iffy about so I think I’ll just send the STD to the friends that I absolutely want there and decide the the ones I’m iffy about later. I’m iffy about those because they don’t always “behave” the way they should. They could be loud during the ceremony or something and I don’t need that. Plus my family would be horribly upset if that were to happen.
His family and friends are about 1/4 or 1/3 of the guest list because mine is just soo large (its 8 uncles and aunts on one side 3 more uncles and aunts on the other side). They way the family works is I have to invite them all even if they choose not to attend. We’re kind of just having it be like a big family celebration. Also it shouldn’t affect the food situation because we are also having that at the church and family is helping to cater so we are going to just make enough food for whoever RSVPs plus 50 more just incase that random family shows up. It’s buffet style just relaxed and what not. There’s also no liquor because its not allowed in the church so no worries there.
We are having an after party (where we can drink) so we’ll pack up everything that is left over and bring it there. That will probably be considerably less people. (50 tops)
The family in the midwest is sort of the same way and a lot came out to greet me when we visited. I think I might ask my aunt and a cousin there to help me get all the names of people who I should be inviting. Not all will show (for sure) but if I don’t invite everyone we will hear about it for the next 50 years (they are still talking about how shocked they were to met my grandmother after they were married and its been 60 plus years since that happened!! lol)
Thanks for the help keep the suggestions coming. 🙂
Post # 6
We decided to skip Save-The-Date Cards since our guest list wasn’t completely solidified. We just sent invitations to people we wanted to invite once it was time to send invitations. Saved us a good bit of money too 🙂
Post # 7
@DaneLady: We thought about that. But I am making them myself and we have a few out of towners and its a holiday weekend so in the end we decided it would be best to give everyone a heads up.
I have designed the invites too. 🙂 They simple and easy so I can make them on the laser jet printer with some nice paper.
ETA: We live in Colorado and the wedding is MA, where most of the family is. STDs will also help to clear up any confusion on who has to travel where.
Post # 8
I’d send save the dates only to those you absolutely know you want invited to the wedding. Everyone who receives a STD must be invited, per etiquette, so you want to be sure.
I’m not sure how far you are with making your budget, or if you even have one, but if you do, it would be good to see how much it will cost to host everyone, per head (including food, drinks, linen/glass/chair/table rentals, centerpieces, favors, cake, etc.) an make your guest list from there. You can have an A and B list if you mean A list are must haves, B list are if you still have room in your budget when invites go out, but please don’t go the route of waiting for A listers to decline to send B list invites, because that opens you up to a lot of potential headache.
Post # 9
@futuremrsfitz18: Thats a good idea a per head price. At the moment I had just calculated a flat food price for everything (becuase its a buffet style set up). Cake is free, and all the chairs etc will be provided for free. I’m still working on centerpieces and favors because I’m not sure how many I will need. I think we might just do disposible on the plates etc but use those fancy looking ones.
That’s sort of the norm for like thanksgiving and what not because of the sheer amount of people (and I don’t want to stick anyone with cleaning of plates.) That will of course cost money so I am looking around to see if I can get a wholesale price or something. I will take this per head number into consideration as it is an interesting way to consider costs.