(Closed) How did you determine who to invite

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

STDs aren’t actuall invitations, so you don’t have to get every person.  You don’t HAVE to send STDs to every single guest.  In fact maybe just send them to the VIP guests.  Beacuse once you send an STD you have to invite them to the wedding, however every invitation doesn’t have to be preceeded by an STD.  This is good if you invite people you might be new friends with now, but in a year don’t actually speak to any more, etc. 


I’m assuming you already know the venue and ceremony’s seating capacity since you have a date already?

I would honestly invite that number, maybe a couple over, but that’s it. Some brides do have 100% attendance so that could lead to tricky situations if you invited way over the capacity.

I know some have done B-lists (which get sent out after the A-list people decline), but I am not a fan of this practice. 

You can start with a list of must-haves – family, super close friends.  See how many seats are left after that deduction.

For extended family, some couples have cut off lines, like aunts, uncles and 1st cousing but no 2nd cousins, for example.  There is some fairness in clear lines like that that people seem to understand better.

Or you can split the remaining seats down the middle, and give half to you and half to your F (assuming you might not have the same exact friends).


Post # 4
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We didn’t do an A-list and B-list. However, when we were first making our guest list, we just made a “master” list. We wrote down anyone and everyone who we might want to invite. So that way, we had everyone listed and wouldn’t forget anyone. From there, we cut back to make the numbers work. For us, it was easier to organize and visualize and prioritize that way.

Post # 6
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We decided to skip STDs since our guest list wasn’t completely solidified.  We just sent invitations to people we wanted to invite once it was time to send invitations.  Saved us a good bit of money too ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d send save the dates only to those you absolutely know you want invited to the wedding.  Everyone who receives a STD must be invited, per etiquette, so you want to be sure.

I’m not sure how far you are with making your budget, or if you even have one, but if you do, it would be good to see how much it will cost to host everyone, per head (including food, drinks, linen/glass/chair/table rentals, centerpieces, favors, cake, etc.) an make your guest list from there.  You can have an A and B list if you mean A list are must haves, B list are if you still have room in your budget when invites go out, but please don’t go the route of waiting for A listers to decline to send B list invites, because that opens you up to a lot of potential headache.

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