(Closed) How did you do it?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I only went dress shopping with my sisters. I had 2 showers and only 2-3 out of my 5 bridesmaids were at each one.  It didn’t matter to me that they weren’t there. I realize people have lives outside of my wedding and it’s difficult to coordinate 5 schedules.

Post # 4
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MissCountryGirl727:  thats tricky when there’s so many people.  I’m in the same boat.  5 BM; 1 (my sister) works weekends as a waitress so she cant really attend anything. 2 live out of town, and one is 15 year old so sometimes a bit harder to plan with 🙂

Basically I just tried my best to find weekends that worked for everyone but in the end, you just have to go with what you have.  There will be things not everyone can attend. For dress shopping we planned it 3 months in advance lol…even then my sister only came for a few hours.

I have no idea what a Bridesmaid or Best Man luncheon is either lol.  But if your cousin wants to plan one, Id say great!  let her plan away 🙂  As far as a Bridesmaid or Best Man not attending, I would tell her not to worry about it.  As long as they come to the wedding, thats the most important part.

Post # 5
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For me, of 4 BMs and 1 Maid/Matron of Honor:

engagement party – one Bridesmaid or Best Man couldn’t make it (FSIL)

dress shopping – only Maid/Matron of Honor and moms were invited

dress fitting – two BMs went/were invited

bridal shower – BM/FSIL and other BM/FSIL couldn’t make it (so, only 2 BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor there)

bachelorette party – all attended

Bridesmaid or Best Man luncheon – Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t go


It can be hard to get a bunch of adults to a bunch of events, but once I accepted that they couldn’t all be there for everything, it was ok by me.

Post # 6
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It’s pretty much impossible for 6 people to coordinate schedules for 1 event, let alone 5. You would be well served to adjust your expectations. Tell your maids that the date is X for y event. If they can make it, you are thrilled. But if not, you completely understand that they have busy lives and lots of other time commitments and won’t hold it against them. That way they are free to decline an invitation without guilt.

Post # 8
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissCountryGirl727:  Gotcha. I still only took my 2 sisters Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping, as well!

Post # 10
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I didn’t stress too much about dates and making sure they were all available other than the wedding, it’s just really tough to do when you’ve got a group of adults with all different schedules. I had 3 and two were moms who worked full time, one weeknights and one weekdays, and the other was in school full time and also worked nights and weekends. I would have drove myself insane changing dates or constantly being disappointed if I has expected them all to be at everything. In my case, we went and looked at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses separately and just my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor came along to look at wedding dresses with me. They were all able to get the day of my shower off, though I would’ve understood if that wasn’t the case, and since the bachelorette party was at night that worked out okay too, one of them just had to show up a bit late. I’ve never heard of a Bridesmaid or Best Man luncheon though, we didn’t do that.


ETA: If you get any pressure to change your plans so more people can attend, I would just flat out say, “It was pretty much impossible to find a day that worked well for everyone since your schedules are all so different, I tried to be flexible but don’t want to drive myself totally crazy changing the dates a bunch, I totally understand if you guys can’t make it to everything, just let me know.” Or something like that.


Post # 11
20 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MissCountryGirl727:  I know the feeling!! I want everyone there for everything, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I’m in Florida, with one Bridesmaid or Best Man, another Bridesmaid or Best Man is in Hawaii and my Maid/Matron of Honor is in New York! I ended up buying my dress alone. I gave them requirements for their dress (color, material, designer).

While I wanted everyone there for everything, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I’ve been trying to plan everything with a few months notice to see who can make it when.

Also, I’m not having a Bridesmaid or Best Man luncheon, but the girls are going to be with me the whole wedding day (brunch, hair, makeup, etc).

Hope everything works out for you!

Post # 12
21 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

I had 4 bridemaids, 3 of which live in different states than I do (I live in MD, 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man lives locally, 2 BMs in different areas of NC, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is in CA), and they all 4 attended my dress shopping day, bridal shower, and bachelorette party. 

I was lucky that my ladies (especially my Maid/Matron of Honor who had to fly in from Cali 3 times during the wedding process) really wanted to be a part of my celebrations and went out of their way to make that happen.

That said, I would have completely understood if one of them had been unable to attend one thing or another! 

One Bridesmaid or Best Man had to work the day that I had originally planned to go dress shopping, and she made it clear that she really wanted to be there for that occasion and would appreciate it if I could change the date, but would understand if not. I shot off a quick email to the other people involved in that day suggesting a different date, and it ended up working out for everyone.

So, as far as changing the date of the luncheon, you have to ask yourself how important it is to you to have her there. If it is more of a hassle than it is worth, then don’t change the date. You will have enough going on in the weeks leading up to your wedding that you don’t need to add any unnecessary stress. But, seeing as it’s not until September I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man has given you plenty of notice and has a valid reason for not being able to make it.

I think the most important thing to realize is that this is YOUR wedding. While it seems like the biggest deal in the world to you, it’s just another thing on the calender for someone else. I think a lot of brides get so hung up in the whole “this is my one and only wedding/bridal shower/bach party etc, and the most special time of my life” mentality that we can tend to lose sight of the bigger picture. At the end of the planning process, you’ll be married and life will go back to normal and you need to not let all of the little stresses affect your life and relationships in the long run. It’s easy to get annoyed at your BMs throughout the planning process, but you asked them to be BMs for a reason, so it’s important to try and protect those friendships : )

Post # 13
6 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maid/Matron of Honor here – I’ve done most the bookings for the brides, and a lot of the time 1 or 2 of the BM’s (out of 5) couldn’t attend events / fittings / appointments / etc. No one was upset about it, it’s hard to herd cats!

Post # 14
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have 6 bridesmaids.

I went dress shopping with my mom and didnt ask my bridesmaids to come. 

For their dresses I only got my Maid/Matron of Honor to come and sent them all pics via text and they agreed on one style.

No luncheons or extra stuff bc one has 3 kids, one is over an hour away, and we all work 40+ hours a week and have lives and I dont feel like trying to coordinate stuff.

For my bachelorette they are not all coming. I’m not sure about bridal shower.

I guess the only thing I expect them to show for is the actual


Post # 15
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@MissCountryGirl727:  There’s not much you can do about it, so don’t drive yourself too crazy. Stick with the date, and nicely let everyone know that it can’t be changed. If they can make it, awesome. If not, that is okay, too.

Post # 16
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t stress about the dates. Set the dates for what YOU can make it for and invite them. If they can’t make it then that’s the way it is. You have quite a few bridesmaids so it is going to be hard to coordinate their schedules. If they miss the luncheon/cookout or whatever, it is ok.

I only expected them to be at the rehearsal with supper to follow, adn they were. As for dress shopping and my brida/ shower/bachelorette those that could make it awesome. Thaose that couldn’t I didn’t make it an issue. Wasn’t worth it.

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